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So......I'm COMPLETELY out of the closet(Somewhat).

T

tpeezy101

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So yea, You guys may know my other thread "so...a foot out of the closet." I've come such a long way since then.

So here is the update. My mom called me today. And we were initially talking about my grades and whatnot. And she was really getting on my case. Then I got quiet. Then she was like. Is there anything wrong? Anything you need to tell me? I just said no. And she was like, "so you can't talk to your mother anymore? Have we grown that far apart to where you don't think you can trust me? Haven't I always made you feel like you can talk to me?"

Then I started crying. I tried to hide it but she kept saying stuff and I couldn't hide it. She then just kept telling me "I know something is wrong, just tell me." I kept denying it.

but she kept pushing it. I just said "It doesn't have anything to do w/ my grades or anything." She said "Did you do something bad?" I said "no, It's not something I did, it's just something about me." At that point, I think it finally came together for her. And sh ewas like, "tell me." I just remained quiet. She then said "Do you want me to play the guessing game with you?" I said "uh huh" And she goes, "I take it you're not attracted to females?" I was just quiet, and then said yea.

She didn't take it badly at all. At least she didn't act like it. She just said that "I don't know how you can label yourself that if you haven't had sex with a male or female." I told her it was something I've been holding in for years. She started laughing at me b/c she couldn't believe it, and said she couldn't see how I came to that conclusion w/out having sex.

She said when I come home for Spring Break she's gonna hire a female escort so I can experience a woman. I really don't want that. She said if I still decide I don't like it, then that will be fine, I will still be her son.

It was a very awkward conversation. Theres more too it, but thats the MAIN stuff. She said "You could have saved yourself alot of stress if you told me this years ago."

I'm very happy she didn't get mad and hang up on me or say she would disown me. But I didn't like that she laughed at me. Making the situation lighter than what it is. But I'm thankful for that over the other reaction.

So there ya go. I'm OUT of the closet. To my mom at least. I never plan on telling my dad. My mom even said that he'd act like a "jackass" if it were him I was telling lol.
 
Go for the hooker. See how it works. You may decide you are bi. When you are bi, you double your chances of scoring. Give mom a big hug and kiss when you see her. She sounds like a real gem and she definitely loves you very much.
 
^^^ is kidding, I assume. And so is your mom, at least she doesn't mean it about hiring a hooker.

Her first reaction to what you said was still partial denial, and it doesn't make sense. Is she actually saying everybody should have sex with both sexes before deciding if they're gay or straight? That's not the way things work. Obviously, when you do finally have sex with a man, it will be because that's what you want to do.

She will probably need time to get used to the idea. In the meantime, she may start bugging you about it -- she sounds like an upfront kind of person. So when you respond to her questions, just keep it simple. Just say, "I don't know what's going to happen in the future, I can only tell you how I feel now." She needs to understand that there isn't much a parent can do to influence their child's sexuality.

And if she doesn't bring it up, for goodness' sake don't bring it up again yourself. You'll have plenty of chances to talk about your sex life once you start having one.
 
well, that went better than when I told my mother, I yelled it at her 'cause she was being a bitch, heh :lol:
 
You know, Moms have some 8th sense we don't know about.

My mom knew. Most likely before I did.

I, too, hope the escort comment was just a ruse. Otherwise, don't do anything with which you are not comfortable.
 
Well, she probably just laughed to ease the stress.

And as others said, hopefully the female escort comment wasn't serious. If it was serious, hopefully she'll reconsider and realize what a stupid comment it is.

Ask her if she had to have sex with a woman before she realized she wanted sex with a man. LOL.
 
I also think it was a way for her to deny it.

But she just said she doesn't see how I can label myself that IF i haven't had sex. She said I've convinced myself of that b/c I haven't had sex w/ a woman, and I'm shy and whatnot. But she also said if I decided I didn't like it, it still wouldn't matter.
 
I wouldnt take the escort if i were you, when your time comes to have to sex it will come. Just keep an open mind about your sexuality, things happen for a reason. Just be patient.
 
I was 16 when I came out to my Mum ...many year ago... She looked at me and said... we will talk later... a week or so later, I was getting ready to go out when she said to me... cna we have a talk.. bro's ans sistrers where out of the house. She asked me a series of questions.. like ... did I like to wear womens clothes or did I think i was a woman. When i said no!.. she just said, and I will never forget.. she had been dead for 15 years, Yer jest an ordinary Poof!... she was a Highlander!.. we were best friends from that day till she died
 
Lube said:
Ask her if she had to have sex with a woman before she realized she wanted sex with a man. LOL.
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This is a good way to handle it. Why do parents think that gay guys only think they are gay because they haven't had sex with a female yet? Why won't they take your word for it? Its much more complicated than just not having experienced sex with a woman.
 
She shoudl consider how she knew she liked boys without having sex with them. Don't do it. Being with a hooker may be her way of trying you out, but if it makes you uncomfortable, she has no right putting you in that position any more than you would putting her in a position with another woman.
 
Riverrick said:
Why do parents think that gay guys only think they are gay because they haven't had sex with a female yet? Why won't they take your word for it? Its much more complicated than just not having experienced sex with a woman.
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Dude, It's because straight people can not accept that we are attracted to the same sex the way they are to the opposite sex. In there eyes it's not "natural", therefore it MUST be a "choice". Straight people are stupid :lol:
 
VICTORIADON said:
Ask mom if she will splurge for a male escort instead because that is what you really want for spring break!
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LOL!!

That is a good one!

But seriously, I would avoid the subject with her for now ... be happy that you have come clean with her and I KNOW you feel better! I never understood that reasoning about how do you know if you have not had sex ... it's all about attraction and not the act, and if it does come up again tell her that and just let her know.

CONGRATS on finally coming out! (*8*)
 
LOL, well I talked to her again last night.

I personally think she was joking about the escort, she knows I would never do anything like that. But she asked " is it something you're sure about or confused about?" I told her I was sure, and she was like ok, I thought it was something you were confused about, but I need you to help me understand.

I told her it's something I've known about for year. I told her contrary to popular belief it's not CHOICE, it's more of a natural gut/instinctual feeling. She said "so it's something with in you?" I go yea. And she's like but how? How do you know?

I'm like I don't know. then I said "you know how when you get to the age where you start thinking about sex?" she said yea, I said "well when you got to that age you didn't think about having sex w/ women did you?" She goes "no" I go "exactly, thats how I am/was. Itwas more like I was thinking about men, instead of women, even though I didn't want to. Thats what I was attracted to."

she was like "ok, well I just want you to knwo, I still love you, and you're still my son, and nothing is going to change between us." I go "that's good to hear." She also said "we have alot of time to talk about this." And that was mostly it.

I think sheunderstands, and she SEEMS to be taking it well. My other gay friend(who BTW had a bad experience w/ his mom when he came out) told me not to bring it up unless she talks about it, and not to keep throwing it up in her face.

I'm so happy you guys. I actually feel stupid for being so afraid of telling her. But there was nothing wrong with that. But I'm just so glad that she still is able to love me the way she always has. This year is going to be interesting. Can't wait to see what unfolds.
 
That's great! :) You're very lucky and your mom has a good sense of humor. She's also very receptive :)
 
I think it's great that you've passed this hurdle. Your mother just needs time to adjust to this new reality, but she'll come around.

You might check out the PFLAG site (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). It's a resource for parents to help them understand. There should be some reading material there that could be interesting for your mom.
 
That's a real accomplishment for being 18 years old.

You should be proud of yourself.
 
She doesn't seem to have any problems with it.

The only issue is that she's having a hard time understanding it from a scientific point of view. She doesn't understand how it works. The good news is that she seems pretty willing to learn.

My mom didn't believe me either really. She said, "People's sexuality is fluid and can change all the time. At least that's how I think it is."

I told her, "Maybe for women. But you're not a guy. Ours seems more fixed. If I ever find myself looking at titties in a sexual way you'll be the first to know, but it hasn't happened ever, and it's been 11 years since I hit puberty, so the logical conclusion is it's not gonna happen."

She seemed fine with that. My dad understood right away. He said, "Are you sure?" and I said, "Yeah."

That's all that needed to be said. I sometimes think that women really don't get how we work and never will, no matter how hard they try and understand.
 
Being that she brought up the subject to begin with tells me that she already suspected it. So it made things easier for her AND you. When I told my parent, (who I thought were going to hit the roof), though they weren't exactly thrilled had kind of figured it out already. As my mom said about a minute into THE CONVERSATION "well, we're not stupid." They know more than we realize :)
 
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