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So... I'm in a bit of a weird situation... Opinions please...

Swmr2009

Swmr2009

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Ok. So this is a bit of a long story, but here it goes.

Approximately two and a half months ago, I broke up with a girl- who was the "cover up". I just graduated high school, about 6 months ago. I've known I was gay for about three years now...but anyway. That's background. The day after I broke up with the girl- I decided to call this really cute guy that had hit on me while I was in the relationship. So I called him, we decided to hang out, and I pcked him up from his dorm room the next day. Nothing happened between the two of us the entire day. That night though, when we were driving home and talking about how he USED to like me, he told me about his boyfriend. He also told me though, that even though he had a boyfriend, he still kind of liked me. And still wanted to do things with me. So we ended up holding hands the whole way home, and having sex that night.*

Now, two and a half months later, he is still having sex with me, and yet still dating the guy. We have a really good connection, and I think I may be falling in love with him. But I know he loves his boyfriend. But he also says he likes me, a lot. And doesn't want me to get a boyfriend because he wants to know what is going to happen between the two of us. It hurts so much knowing that I can't have him to myself, and yet I can't let him go. Because if I let him go- I lose him forever. What do I do? If you are actually interested in giving me some advice, I can give you the full story. But that would be way to much to type here. So I guess- that's it. Any ideas/thoughts?
 
Tell him:
1) to tell his boyfriend, and see if its ok with him
2) to leave his boyfriend

Or:
3) Ditch him.

If he's gunna cheat on his boyfriend, he's going to cheat on you.

My advice, let him go, you'll find other better guys!

:]
 
Let it go. Think how you would feel if you were the other guy.
 
Oh -- that is NOT a weird situation at all!!!

I would suspect that it is quite common...

I would ALSO suspect that he hasn't "broken up" or "talked" with his boyfriend about this because he DOESN'T KNOW HOW...

A LOT of things in NORMAL life HAVE to be learned the HARD WAY...

MY GUESS is that he would RATHER be with you -- but doesn't have the NERVE to break up with his BF...

Either way -- hungrybrownbear's advice APPLIES!!!

Best of luck -- and let us know how it goes...

:):):)
 
Do what you want to do with him, but see other guys as well. You'll be left alone should he decide to be exclusive with the bf.
 
swmr, one of the reasons you broke up with your ex gf was probably because you wanted more freedom and more honesty in your love life, right?

Why are you helping this guy cheat? Or does his boyfriend know? Some guys go for the "open" relationship - good for them - but were you maybe looking to make your romantic life a little simpler and more straightforward? Is that what you're getting from this guy? It doesn't sound like it.
 
get out of it.

being the person who's been cheated on feels horrible, you feel angry betrayed and foolish. this douche can't have his man for stability and then a guy on the side, that's just shady and fucked up unless it's an open relationship. if his boy finds out he'll probably want to fuck you up.

on top of it, I can't fathom why you'd want someone who isn't devoting that part of their life to you. if he doesn't want you to have a boyfriend, tell him he doesn't own you.
 
The best advice of all, if he'll cheat on his bf, he'll cheat on you. How'd that be for being hurt?
 
Why stay with someone who is causing you so much pain.

And he wants you to be exclusive to him, but not him exclusive to you?! Tell him to fuck off!

You're being totally used. He thinks you're a doormat.
 
Yippyuk- the gf on the side- was her idea too. She knew I was gay. Sorry for not clarifying. Anyway- his bf does not know. No open relationship there. And I live in a VERY small town- if I start dating another guy, people are gonna know- that's one thing I like about being the guy on the side- no one knows. But I'm also tired of being the guy on the side. I want more. And thanks for the advice guys. I still don't know what to do though... Because he and I get along really well. I've tried to tell him to get lost, but I'm back now. This sucks :(
 
Swmr2009 said:
Yippyuk- the gf on the side- was her idea too. She knew I was gay. Sorry for not clarifying. Anyway- his bf does not know. No open relationship there. And I live in a VERY small town- if I start dating another guy, people are gonna know- that's one thing I like about being the guy on the side- no one knows. But I'm also tired of being the guy on the side. I want more. And thanks for the advice guys. I still don't know what to do though... Because he and I get along really well. I've tried to tell him to get lost, but I'm back now. This sucks :(
Click to expand...
You live in a small town and you think no one suspects you're gay?

So you want to be the man on the side?

Get some self-respect.

You're too good for this shit. Seriously.
 
Back to the subject.

You are the victim in a classic love triangle my friend, and its not wierd, it happens all the time.

The best thing you can do is throw your fuckbuddy out. - So you are not the victim any longer, he is! (your victim)

or (if you want to be devious)

1. go and get real friendly with your fuckbuddy's other boyfriend. (and watch the sparks fly as your fuckbuddy becomes the victim)

2. go and get yourself another boyfriend as well and only see your fuckbuddy in the off season ( and watch the sparks fly again as he gets more and more jealous of your new boyfriend) - Oh, In this scenario he also becomes your victim!

Notice that in all these scenarios there is no love involved, you are just giving him a bit of your medicine.
 
^That's a little too much drama for me.

Take the high road.
 
I never said that no one suspected I was gay. Because I'm sure people do. But that doesn't mean I want to confirm it. My parents would kill me. And I know I'm being used. But I cannot stand being alone. I hate it. So I take whatever attention I can get. And the only attention I'm getting now is from him. And his bf is gross. He looks like he got hit by the whole ugly tree. I couldn't do that. And if I do get a bf- how will I ever know what COULD have happened between this guy and myself? But like most of you said, what if he cheats on me too?
 
Swmr2009 said:
I never said that no one suspected I was gay. Because I'm sure people do. But that doesn't mean I want to confirm it. My parents would kill me. And I know I'm being used. But I cannot stand being alone. I hate it. So I take whatever attention I can get. And the only attention I'm getting now is from him. And his bf is gross. He looks like he got hit by the whole ugly tree. I couldn't do that. And if I do get a bf- how will I ever know what COULD have happened between this guy and myself? But like most of you said, what if he cheats on me too?
Click to expand...
What's the difference between knowing and suspecting? You think they don't talk about you behind your back?

There is no difference. Except you have to pretend that you're not--even though people think you are.

Why all the extra work?

I'm guessing your parents aren't really going to kill you, and that statement was merely hyperbole.
 
^ hey man cut the kid some slack. We've all been through this type of crap before! I wouldn't be quick to call it stupid.

but seriously swmr, lose the guy, he WILL cheat on you.
 
Okay first off yippyuk- screw you. I asked for opinions on the situation not whether or not you thought I was stupid. I don't care how many times you have dealt with this situation, I haven't. Ever. And I'm not trying to "defend my problem" I'm trying to give you as much info on the subject as possible. So the people that actually care can give legitamit advice. I don't know what the hell someone did to piss you off but you need to not take it out on random people that you don't know. So once again, screw you.


As for the rest of the guys that ARENT jerks- thank you, tons. For the advice. I appreciate it a lot, and I'm gonna talk to the guy tonight. I'll keep you posted. Oh, and I think I may have found a new guy ;)
 
Swmr2009 said:
I never said that no one suspected I was gay. Because I'm sure people do. But that doesn't mean I want to confirm it. My parents would kill me. And I know I'm being used. But I cannot stand being alone. I hate it. So I take whatever attention I can get. And the only attention I'm getting now is from him. And his bf is gross. He looks like he got hit by the whole ugly tree. I couldn't do that. And if I do get a bf- how will I ever know what COULD have happened between this guy and myself? But like most of you said, what if he cheats on me too?
Click to expand...

Okay, let's flip this around a little bit.

I met this cute guy once, who's boyfriend (during the length of their relationship) had turned into Jabba the Hut:

jabba%20the%20hut.jpg


He was a sweet guy, but he'd let himself go to the point, that even if I wanted to screw him (and after enough tequila), I'd have to roll him around in some flour to find the wet spot. ..|

The point is, his "ex-boyfriend" was supposedly now my boyfriend, and he'd always show up or call at the most inopportune times; while I was having sex with his boyfriend, during brunch out with friends, a night out on the town.

Then I discovered that this wasn't by accident, the guy that I was "dating" had been encouraging his "ex" to "call anytime, stop by anytime, we're going to brunch/out, care to join us?"

This guy was emotionally connected to his ex, and he was only using for me the sex.

For awhile there he got to have his cake and eat it too.

I wanted the emotional connection, but it's hard to connect with someone during sex if all they're thinking about is how great things would be with their ex if he hadn't let himself go. :cool:

I told him over drinks one night that I didn't think his heart was in our relationship.

He went off like a rocket!

"You don't know where my heart is! How in the fuck can you say that?"

Well first of all you're making scene, and I spoke to him earlier and he said that he's supposed to meet us out for drinks after we have dinner.

Dude! How messed up is that?

I honestly tried to be his friend, but he turned out to be the pretentious little self-absorbed shit that he is.

My point?

If you want more, I'd be willing to lay odds that it ain't going to be with this guy.

You deserve way better!

Plan on packing your bags, and leaving this little small town that you currently live in, or plan on living in Dramaville for the rest of your life. [-X

(*8*)
 
yippyuk said:
Honestly you sound very stupid...I've dealt with this situation soooo many fucking times. Its the very same as a drug addict. The guy is your drug, although it is harmful and hurts you in general, you still go back because when ur with him the high or feeling is so great. That being said I can only tell you what I have told many drug addicts and even women who get beat by their husbands (my mom being one of them)...
"YOU CANNOT HELP SOMEONE UNLESS THEY WANNA BE HELPED"
And you sir do not want to be helped, you are not ready. You are making excuses and defending your problem. No matter what anybody on here says you're goin to do what you want to do in the end. So there's really no point in any of us wasting our breath.
Click to expand...


Yippyuk, you're a newbie, and perhaps you aren't so familiar with how this forum works... but this isnt it. No one here deserves abuse or ridicule... and the code of conduct, with this being a no flame or safe zone show that explicitly. This post would have been deleted except its been referenced twice already.

The personal attack mate detracts from your message and the point you could have made in numerous other ways. Right now all you have achieved is to annoy and hurt the guy you were trying to help.

In future please temper your posts so that you get your point across without the need for insult and anger... I'm sure mate you are way better than that.

Thanks!

offtopic:
 
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