I spent a week with friends at a cottage. It was a real eye opener for me. I was so happy, I didnt think I could ever be that happy again. I went 5 days, depression-free. It was...an unbelievably enjoyable experience and completely out of character for me. Everyone kept saying that they couldn't believe I was there.
So I'm off Grindr and have been for nearly three weeks now. Grindr and the dating sites, because they all have corresponding iPhone apps, make me check them repeatedly. I practically can’t help it. And because no one messages me, at least no one I’m equally attracted to, that all just makes me even more depressed.
So I’m off them. And, I mean, people did meet other people and date before the Internet, even gay people. I feel as if I’m better than that, then those hookup sites and Grindr.
I’m just finding it difficult to stay off Grindr. I feel cut off from the dating “scene.” Simultaneously, I’m not ready for all that dating, meeting someone, getting to know them, getting my family used to them, etc. That whole process stresses me out and scares me, honestly. It’s just too soon. I’m not really the hookup type. I’m more the casual type, I guess. A FWB would be awesome right now. But there is no one in Kingston that interests me. At least not right now.
So, here I am. Thirty - and not getting any younger or more beautiful - ridiculously horny and in dire need of cuddle sex. I just keep reminding myself I need to be patient. I realized that week at the cottage that I am indeed attractive and guys are interested me.
And I did sorta meet someone that week. In fact, it sorta threw me for a loop. To be honest, I had mentally prepared myself to be alone… For awhile. Years even. Before I went in the trip, I was set in my way. I had given up, essentially. And it was depressing me deeply. But, then things happened. And I realized that, yes, there are guys out there for me who will chase me and who I am equally attracted. It gave me hope. But what if it’s false hope?
I’m consumed by the implications of my self discovery at the cottage. On the one hand, I’m hopeful and staying positive about my future. Maybe I will be happy again with someone else? But, on the other hand, I’m worried and afraid. Afraid that I’m too old, too introverted, that I had my moment and lost it. That I’m broken after the breakup.
It’s difficult to stay positive in the face of those doubts.
So I'm off Grindr and have been for nearly three weeks now. Grindr and the dating sites, because they all have corresponding iPhone apps, make me check them repeatedly. I practically can’t help it. And because no one messages me, at least no one I’m equally attracted to, that all just makes me even more depressed.
So I’m off them. And, I mean, people did meet other people and date before the Internet, even gay people. I feel as if I’m better than that, then those hookup sites and Grindr.
I’m just finding it difficult to stay off Grindr. I feel cut off from the dating “scene.” Simultaneously, I’m not ready for all that dating, meeting someone, getting to know them, getting my family used to them, etc. That whole process stresses me out and scares me, honestly. It’s just too soon. I’m not really the hookup type. I’m more the casual type, I guess. A FWB would be awesome right now. But there is no one in Kingston that interests me. At least not right now.
So, here I am. Thirty - and not getting any younger or more beautiful - ridiculously horny and in dire need of cuddle sex. I just keep reminding myself I need to be patient. I realized that week at the cottage that I am indeed attractive and guys are interested me.
And I did sorta meet someone that week. In fact, it sorta threw me for a loop. To be honest, I had mentally prepared myself to be alone… For awhile. Years even. Before I went in the trip, I was set in my way. I had given up, essentially. And it was depressing me deeply. But, then things happened. And I realized that, yes, there are guys out there for me who will chase me and who I am equally attracted. It gave me hope. But what if it’s false hope?
I’m consumed by the implications of my self discovery at the cottage. On the one hand, I’m hopeful and staying positive about my future. Maybe I will be happy again with someone else? But, on the other hand, I’m worried and afraid. Afraid that I’m too old, too introverted, that I had my moment and lost it. That I’m broken after the breakup.
It’s difficult to stay positive in the face of those doubts.
" thing get to you too much! 
