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So is my friend..bi?

hiphopjamez

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First of all I would consider myself bi-curious.

this is kinda long.

I recently turned 19 and my friend "Ryan" is 17 turning 18 in two months.

So back in April '09 we both went to my friends birthday party. We've only hung out like 2 other times so we weren't really that close then. We both got really really drunk then for some reason I wanted to take a walk outside so I asked a few friends but they didn't want to because it was cold. So Ryan volunteered to go with me and we both walked outside.

He was basically leading the way and he asked me if I wanted to go in his car, I said "yeah sure" thinking we'd both just pass out. We were both in the backseat and I was falling asleep when all of a sudden he scooted right next to me and rested his head on my shoulder..I was like um....Then he got up and started making out with me to my surprise. We basically ended up doing everything but sex.

He said he didn't remember anything the next day.

Stuff like this happened 4 other times this summer where we'd get drunk and do stuff.

In July i had a small party at my house and we were both drunk. He made a move on me in the bathroom and we started rubbing eachothers dicks and started making out. Then we took a shower together and gave eachother head and made out some more. Then we went into the bedroom n we were about to have sex but he said it hurt so we stopped. He said something like "Why don't we do this when we're sober??" I forget what I said.

Next day he said he didn't remember anything cause he went to another party that night.

I had another party and I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom and he for some reason was standing infront of me. I was covering my crotch cause I had a boner (no idea why). We're both drunk and he asked why i was covering my crotch. I said it was cause I had a boner. He kept saying he doesnt believe me and that I'm lying. So i stood up and said "See!" Then he grabbed my dick and started stroking it. Then he gave me a handjob.

At my birthday party in a hotel in boston everybody was in different areas (smoke-break, chillin outside..etc) So me and "ryan" were left alone in the living room. He was lying on the couch (both drunk) and he grabbed me and he lifted up his shirt. I think he wanted to fool around but I ended up passing out on his chest for a minute then I got up and walked away..He said he doesn't remember much from that night.

THEN in August we chilled at my friends house and I basically was the only one who drank. I drank A LOT and everybody else smoked (not cigs). I then smoked later. Then 4 hours later I threw up in the car while Ryan was driving my car to where he parked his car (40 minutes away). He smoked a lot at my friends house. We both went in the gas station bathroom to clean me up and I washed my mouth.

During the car ride my left hand is by the area where the cupholders are and the radio. I'm like really drunk, looking straight ahead. I see in the corner of my eye, his right hand lowering as hes driving and he lightly holds my hand. He interlocked our hands and started rubbing it softly without looking at me. He's looking straight ahead as he's driving continually holding my han. He then kept asking me if I wanna hang out with him now, I just said yeah sure whatever.

So we get to his car and he told me to follow him (i shouldnt have driven..). We only drove a block away, he drove to the IBM parking lot (9PM so its empty). We got in his car and he wanted us to have sex and told me to buy lube but there wasn't any so I bought condoms. But we both said it hurt cause there was no lube so he said "wanna just suck eachother off" So we did and noted that i had a lot of pre-cum. Then he kept telling me how rimming feels so good and i wondered how he knew...so we both licked eachothers asses and both loved it.
He came in my mouth then he checked his watch and it was 10PM and said he really had to go home cause his parents are strict which disappointed me. We both left and later he said he didnt remember anything..but he didn't drink..

I'm really confused about the whole thing. We're both Korean-American and we're both Christians and go to a bunch of church events. So korean culture and religion obviously plays a part I guess?
 
Why are you asking us? You've had sex with this guy how many times and you want to know if he's bi?

Isn't the answer a little obvious? What are you confused about? The fact that he doesn't "remember?" You answered that yourself.

Don't drive while intoxicated.
 
Your friend is playing the "Boy was I drunk, I don't remember a thing" game.

He's wasting your time. Either you both to get real and stay sober long enough to have an honest talk or it's really not worth the time nor effort. There's little future in something where two people get drunk, have sex and then claim not to remember it the next day.

P.S. Hmmmm...

I recently turned 19 and my friend "Ryan" is 17 turning 18 in two months.

Join Date: Jun 2005
 
He's wasting your time. Either you both to get real and stay sober long enough to have an honest talk or it's really not worth the time nor effort. There's little future in something where two people get drunk, have sex and then claim not to remember it the next day.


True, but I'm, tempted to cut a little slack since they're both kids. Of course no on in here can tell him to pursue a 17 yr old - even though they're pretty much the same age.

Anyway, I suspect that you and I both agree that whatever happens this isn't going to go very far. To young, too scared, and too many obstacles.
 
Oh, one more thing, I think it's safe to say that you aren't "bi-curious," you're either bi or gay, same with the other guy.

What do you expect out of him if you won't deal with yourself?
 
He says he's straight and he was really drunk but would that change things? I read a lot of stuff on the boards how when they're drunk they'll just do whatever?

No one has any idea about this. Everybody thinks we're completely straight.

and we didnt have sex, we were drunkenly about to but we stopped before anything.
 
Stroking sucking frotting, making out - yeah you even tried to do anal. That's sex.

You may read a lot on boards where a drunk straight guy will let a gay guy blow him - I haven't read that a lot, but then who knows.

But you don't read a lot about straight guys sucking your cock and letting you try and fuck them.

I'm still not sure what you're after here. You know why he's having issues, probably the same issues you're having, he thinks it's wrong. For whatever cultural or religious reason. You said this yourself.

So what are you looking for here? Do you want to date this guy? Just want to get off? What prompted this thread?
 
Yes, he's bi or very into experimentation. You know it, and you know as well that he's denying everything but he knows what he's doing. All the previous statements are true, or you're fucking a mental with amnesia =D hope you're not.
 
Tell him if he doesn't admit he knows what's going on, you'll call him Drew Barrymore from now on and he'll have to watch 50 First Dates over and over as punishment.
 
...and we didnt have sex, we were drunkenly about to but we stopped before anything.

Stroking sucking frotting, making out - yeah you even tried to do anal. That's sex.

You may read a lot on boards where a drunk straight guy will let a gay guy blow him - I haven't read that a lot, but then who knows...

There's been previous discussions about the definition of "sex" and the difference between generations on what constitutes sex.

There's nothing magical about hiding the sausage with a guy that tells you whether he's gay or straight or whatever. It's a very nonsensical and artificial "line in the sand".

A guy holding your hand or kissing you (or taking a shower with you) is probably more indicative of his sexuality than either one of you putting your dick inside the other.



Tell him if he doesn't admit he knows what's going on, you'll call him Drew Barrymore from now on and he'll have to watch 50 First Dates over and over as punishment.

Nice movie. Although Drew- bless her- had a better excuse than she got stinkin' drunk.
 
Look, I don't want to play the bad gargoyle here, but I think it might be better in the long run.

First off, drop the "drunkenly". Getting drunk has been used as an excuse since time immemorial for people to do stuff, from karaoke to telling off that annoying asshole. Then, the next morning it's excuses, and "wow, what did I do last night? Won't be drinking THAT again!" Even if you want to keep it on the downlow for everybody else, you don't have to bother with that with us. 99.9% of us are gay here. We all like-y the dick-y, so don't feel the need to hide behind the bottle here, OK?

Is your friend bi? Without a doubt. He's presumably in the same spot you're in. When the sun's up, and there's other people around, he's straighter'n I-70 through Kansas. But when he's alone with you, and he's had enough to drink that he can rationalize doing what he's doing, he suddenly isn't as straight as all that.

The real question is - what do you want to do? Do you want him as a "friend with benefits"? A guy you just hang out with, and fuck'n'suck whenever you'd like? Or are you interested in a full-on relationship with him? Because the first is almost a given - you can have that tonight, most likely. The second is gonna be a hell of a lot tougher.

Lex
 
He held your hand, that goes beyond simple lust. Next time you are both alone and sober, grab HIS hand, see how he reacts
 
Okay, try this. Buy some non-alcoholic beer and while drinking it with him, act really drunk and put the moves one him. After his gives it up and claims he forgot the next day, tell him :)

How much are you guys drinking anyway? After all those sexual acts one would think he would have enough time to sober up a little.
 
I say that you start to hang out with him but without the alcohol. I drink about a bottle of grey goose every fri night by myself and i can still remember what i did the next morning. So he is playing this i was drunk game i cant remember a damn this is total BS. Get alone with him and talk it over. there is no way he can deny having sex with you that many times.
 
Ugh. Blame those hose damn Baptist missionaries. Korea would have been better served sticking with Neo-Confucianism and Buddhism. But I digress.

Do either of you metabolize alcohol well? Or do you have the traditional alcohol intolerance many of us Asians have? You may have heard it called "Asian Flush". Your own personal drinking is of concern and even more so if you / both of you have ALDH2 issues with alcohol.

LOL we both don't have the "asian flush". If you saw us drunk, you wouldn't be able to tell that we were drunk until we decided to talk. I have a pretty high tolerance w/ alcohol. What's ALDH2? None of us drink often, this whole thing was the course of April-August...
 
does he deny that it doesn't or didn't happen after you told him the next morning? what does he say when you've told him it's happened a few times already?
 
I never told him what happened. I would ask if he remembered anything AROUND that time. Like the last time, we hooked up after a bunch of us ate at Panera and I would ask him if he remembered being at Panera and he said he didn't. I would ask things that happened around that time to see if he remembered things around that area but I wouldn't mention that kinda stuff.

I don't think I'm going to pursue it..The next time i'll see him is in december (winter break) since we do have a bunch of mutual friends too. If something happens again then whatever, I guess I'll see where it goes......I'm in college now and my next big break is winter break so yeah...He's not someone who'd people think is gay/bi too. He isn't flamboyant or feminine or anything. I guess he's pretty masculine or w/e, captain or the varsity soccer team and stuff. I ain't like flamboyant and that kinda stuff too. I guess we'll see where it goes later on.....
 
......I'm in college now and my next big break is winter break so yeah...

How old are you?

He's not someone who'd people think is gay/bi too. He isn't flamboyant or feminine or anything. I guess he's pretty masculine or w/e, captain or the varsity soccer team and stuff. I ain't like flamboyant and that kinda stuff too. I guess we'll see where it goes later on.....

This pretty much screams you have some of the same issues he has. Why is it necessary to say any of this? Do you think it makes a difference to your situation?

Look, what do you want from him? Do you want to date him? Do you just want sex? It makes a difference. If all you want is sex, and so long as you aren't hurting anyone else, who cares if he doesn't "remember." He hasn't remembered several times now and he still "didn't remember" himself back for more. If you want to date this guy, that's a whole other issue entirely.
 
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