I wish it you chould just be "gay" and people whould br cool with that, but they are not? right now i wish i had a bf and it feels good to say. so what do i do now? im somewhat new to this i want more and well yeah. just kinda lost here in the closet but cant tell anyone right now.
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so really what should i do?
- Thread starter Dreads
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G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
The good news is - more so than at any other time in recent memory, people ARE cool with other folks just being gay. It's becoming less and less a big deal.
The better news is - a lot of people we think would flip out when they find out we're gay utterly surprise us. If you look at the "coming out" stories on this board, you'll see a ton of things like "I couldn't believe how well they took the news". I honestly can't remember a "I thought he'd take it well, but he went nuts."
The bad news is - yes, there are still people out there who don't like us, and want to keep us at arm's length (if not out of the picture altogether). Their numbers are dwindling, but they're still there.
What would I recommend? Tough to say. I don't have much to go on. I'm guessing you're still on the young side, in which case, keep growing. Keep learning more about yourself, and grow to love yourself some more. Not just the homosexual part, but the video-game-loving part, the romance-novel-reading part, the NASCAR-fan part... The more you love yourself, the better things get. And it'll be preparation for when you come out. Hopefully, you can do that soon.
Best of luck to you.
Lex
The better news is - a lot of people we think would flip out when they find out we're gay utterly surprise us. If you look at the "coming out" stories on this board, you'll see a ton of things like "I couldn't believe how well they took the news". I honestly can't remember a "I thought he'd take it well, but he went nuts."
The bad news is - yes, there are still people out there who don't like us, and want to keep us at arm's length (if not out of the picture altogether). Their numbers are dwindling, but they're still there.
What would I recommend? Tough to say. I don't have much to go on. I'm guessing you're still on the young side, in which case, keep growing. Keep learning more about yourself, and grow to love yourself some more. Not just the homosexual part, but the video-game-loving part, the romance-novel-reading part, the NASCAR-fan part... The more you love yourself, the better things get. And it'll be preparation for when you come out. Hopefully, you can do that soon.
Best of luck to you.
Lex
SilverRRCloud
I'd rather be a Sexgod:)
What should you do?
Live your life to the fullest. Do your best and enjoy it for all it is worth.
Your sexuality is a part of your private, personal life. No one is really entitled to approve of it (but yourself) and equally so, no one has got any right to condemn you for what happens to be your sexual orientation.
True, there are people, who hate gays, Jews, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Indians, handicapped guys, not-handicapped guys and just everyone in-between.
None of this really matters. You are your own man and you do your own thing.
SC
Live your life to the fullest. Do your best and enjoy it for all it is worth.
Your sexuality is a part of your private, personal life. No one is really entitled to approve of it (but yourself) and equally so, no one has got any right to condemn you for what happens to be your sexual orientation.
True, there are people, who hate gays, Jews, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Indians, handicapped guys, not-handicapped guys and just everyone in-between.
None of this really matters. You are your own man and you do your own thing.
SC
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Well guys, you can be just gay and people will be cool with it.
The most successful at this are the guys that just treat it like one part of their lives and manage to work and play with others without big drama or parades.
I've done it for years.
Go for it.
The most successful at this are the guys that just treat it like one part of their lives and manage to work and play with others without big drama or parades.
I've done it for years.
Go for it.
There are a lot of ways to meet guys, either as friends of for something more, depending on where you are.
If you're in college, try looking to see if your school has an LGBT organization or office. Where I go, we have an office for LGBT affairs on campus, a student committee, and other less official school-related groups. If your school has an organization or office, try visiting. Usually, they set up safe spaces where students (gay and straight) can come and just relax without having to worry about being judged because of their sexuality.
If you're feeling a bit more outgoing, you can introduce yourself to others there and a lot of people involved in those kinds of organizations understand about the pressures of being in the closet. Some students may still be in the closet, others may be out and proud, but all the staff members should be understanding of a person's reasons for being in the closet still, so I doubt they'd ever ever out you.
If you feel even more outgoing you can volunteer for different events they may be throwing etc. These are all great ways to meet people in the LGBT community in an environment that understands the importance of being in the closet in each person's journey (instead of other places where other LGBTs might not care or understand why you need to be in the closet and possibly out you). Plus, they are great places to get informed about LGBT health, coming out support groups, etc.
If you're not in high school or college, or your schools don't have these, try looking into your city's nearest LGBT resource center. They're just as fantastic as school organizations and can get you connected to other gay men through game nights or events. It's a great way to get involved and meet other LGBTs in the community in a context different from random dating or cubs, etc. You can build friendships, get exposed and comfortable to other LGBTs and possibly even meet someone for something more than friendship.
If you're in college, try looking to see if your school has an LGBT organization or office. Where I go, we have an office for LGBT affairs on campus, a student committee, and other less official school-related groups. If your school has an organization or office, try visiting. Usually, they set up safe spaces where students (gay and straight) can come and just relax without having to worry about being judged because of their sexuality.
If you're feeling a bit more outgoing, you can introduce yourself to others there and a lot of people involved in those kinds of organizations understand about the pressures of being in the closet. Some students may still be in the closet, others may be out and proud, but all the staff members should be understanding of a person's reasons for being in the closet still, so I doubt they'd ever ever out you.
If you feel even more outgoing you can volunteer for different events they may be throwing etc. These are all great ways to meet people in the LGBT community in an environment that understands the importance of being in the closet in each person's journey (instead of other places where other LGBTs might not care or understand why you need to be in the closet and possibly out you). Plus, they are great places to get informed about LGBT health, coming out support groups, etc.
If you're not in high school or college, or your schools don't have these, try looking into your city's nearest LGBT resource center. They're just as fantastic as school organizations and can get you connected to other gay men through game nights or events. It's a great way to get involved and meet other LGBTs in the community in a context different from random dating or cubs, etc. You can build friendships, get exposed and comfortable to other LGBTs and possibly even meet someone for something more than friendship.
If you don't mind me asking, what preventing you from coming out?
the main reason is my job i work in construction its not gay friendly place to work, plus word gets around fast yes there are some hot ass dudes who work in construction and well naturally i look i cant imainage what would happen if people knew and some hot head caught me lookin on a job site. i also wanted to be sure about my sexuality and well straight guys dont look at sweety shirtless guys and get hardons, right? so i getting over thr fact that im gay and well yeah i really want to start dating just not sure how to meet other gay guys withot going to clubs and what not so like where elst is there to do?
the main reason is my job i work in construction its not gay friendly place to work, plus word gets around fast yes there are some hot ass dudes who work in construction and well naturally i look i cant imainage what would happen if people knew and some hot head caught me lookin on a job site. i also wanted to be sure about my sexuality and well straight guys dont look at sweety shirtless guys and get hardons, right? so i getting over thr fact that im gay and well yeah i really want to start dating just not sure how to meet other gay guys withot going to clubs and what not so like where elst is there to do?
In some parts of Canada, you can walk down the street holding your partners hand and no one will give you a second look. I live in such a city.
Don't know what else to say. MOVE.
OMG like in Toronto Church and Wellsley! I'm there right now
Gay guys holding hands and pushing strollers around everywhere!
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Even though I'm 100% completely out to my co-workers, at both jobs, I don't spend much time "checking out guys" while at work. Partially that's because there's not a ton of hotties where I work, but also, that's because it's not generally a good idea. I certainly wouldn't ogle my coworkers, because I know that'd make them uncomfortable. So with even the good looking ones, I keep my eyes front and center. And above the waist line.
If you don't want to do the club scene, there's this thing called the Internet. You apparently at least have a passing knowledge of it. Do an online search for "gay meet (your city here)" and see what you get. You might run into sites more geared towards anonymous sex hook-ups, which don't appear to be what you're after. So scan a few until you find one that seems more like "looking for friends and relationships".
Lex
If you don't want to do the club scene, there's this thing called the Internet. You apparently at least have a passing knowledge of it.
Do an online search for "gay meet (your city here)" and see what you get. You might run into sites more geared towards anonymous sex hook-ups, which don't appear to be what you're after. So scan a few until you find one that seems more like "looking for friends and relationships". Lex
Its alot harder than just moving need $ to do that and i am saving, as for not looking at work its kinda hard not to, i mean very fit guys with their shirts off i dont do it all the time but sometimes i just cant help it. as for meeting guys i think my main problem is im really shy at first when meeting new people pls i dont have alot of experience with guys to but i really want to go further. anyway thanks for the help so far its been a very confuseing few years.
