So there's this bartender from work....

[jubjub]

Alright, so I work in a restaurant as a waiter, and there is this bartender who I would love to get to know. I know that he is gay, but not if he is single. He doesn't know that I like guys, although I can feel that he suspects it. I recently came out to my closest friends, but haven't told anyone else...I don't deny it if people ask me, but I won't tell them. I changed my status on Facebook to include being interested in Men, although I have only added three people from work on there, and he is not one of them (he doesn't use it).

I talk to him occasionally during my shifts, I usually work with him twice every week, but it's only about work stuff, and hardly ever about personal stuff. I would love to talk with him some more, but I'm afraid of approaching him. Sometimes I would just stand at the bar waiting for him to make my drinks, but I would have nothing to say. Other times it's just too busy, or too awkward to go up to the bar and just stand there. I'm still relatively new to this job, so I don't know a lot of people from there that well yet.

Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I could get to know him better? I know the answer seems pretty obvious, but maybe I just need someone to tell me straight up, or maybe there is something I'm missing here. I just don't seem to have much conversational topics to talk to him about!

 

[CGHJ]

Sure do--be funny and helpful. you can't make someone like you by saying "I like you, will you please like me too?" but if you are the kind of person someone wants to be around, it will happen naturally. People like to be around people who share their interests and temperament, who are funny, helpful, and supportive. We are attracted to people we want to be around (duh!) and that's the easiest and best way to get someone to fall for you. Hell, you can get a straight guy to fall for you that way, I'm sure it works on gay men too

 

[EvilForce]

Invite him out for a drink after your shifts end. Just approach him and say, "Hey you want to grab a drink later tonight or Thursday after we are off of work"?

1 sentence.

 

[jubjub]

I would love to ask him out for a drink. I'm just afraid that it might be awkward, and I'll end up having nothing to say to him because I don't know him that well yet. I just don't want to mess it up and give the wrong impression.

 

[Blueboy369]

Just mention the gay network "Logo" or mention a gay movie you saw. Just a small hint will be all you need to get the point across.

 

[evil_danger]

Do none of the staff where you work go out drinking together, if they do try to get invited, if not maybe you should suggest it or something. A group thing is always less uncomfortable to start off with, then once you get to know him you can say "hey, fancy going out for a drink some time" and make it clear you mean just the two of you.

Basically its one of those situations where your most likely going to have to make the first move. You said you know he likes guys so you have none of this 'is he isn't he' stuff, you have for most of us the hardest part out of the way, the confusion isn't there you just need to ask him out. It should be easy enough to know if hes seeing someone just by asking around.

 

[jubjub]

Do none of the staff where you work go out drinking together, if they do try to get invited, if not maybe you should suggest it or something. A group thing is always less uncomfortable to start off with, then once you get to know him you can say "hey, fancy going out for a drink some time" and make it clear you mean just the two of you.

Basically its one of those situations where your most likely going to have to make the first move. You said you know he likes guys so you have none of this 'is he isn't he' stuff, you have for most of us the hardest part out of the way, the confusion isn't there you just need to ask him out. It should be easy enough to know if hes seeing someone just by asking around.

Yeah, sometimes the closing staff have a few drinks after work. But I rarely ever stay till close because I'm new (closing shifts are usually given to the more senior staff). I'm definately glad that I have the confusion part out of the way, but I guess I'm just afraid of getting rejected because either he is already seeing someone, or if he is not interested. I know I'm being really difficult here, and the solution is probably right in my face, just as most of you have already suggested... I guess I just need to grow some balls and take the first step?

 

[rareboy]

but I guess I'm just afraid of getting rejected because either he is already seeing someone, or if he is not interested. I know I'm being really difficult here, and the solution is probably right in my face, just as most of you have already suggested... I guess I just need to grow some balls and take the first step?

1. Learn to get over your fear of rejection, by

2. learning to deal with rejection. It is so annoying when everyone starts crying before they even get hurt. So what if it doesn't end up leading to life long romance or even tearing up the sheets for a night. At least you just get to know him better, by

3. stopping stalking him like he's a future husband or tomorrow night's dinner. Just relax and be friendly. Which you can do if you just start talking to him about normal stuff, which you can do, by

4. Growing some balls and talk to him. Like a human being and co-worker.