So when is it the right time for couples to say the "L" word?

[landers]

If you love him then tell him, but that should probably be in private, just in case you tell him you love him and he says he wants to brake up.

 

[sixthson]

It depends on how vulnerable you are willing to be.

Don't say it if you don't mean it.

 

[altlover85]

If you love him then tell him, but that should probably be in private, just in case you tell him you love him and he says he wants to brake up.

Yes, he could want to break up with you, but I don't think that's very likely. It certainly wasn't the first outcome that came into my head.

The outcomes I was thinking of were more along the lines of either him saying it back, him saying something like "I care about you too" or him saying that he doesn't feel the same way.

 

[Scottyboi]

i've read a couple of the threads you've posted...i doubt the kids gonna break up with you.

In my opinion its a very *good* thing you've gotten this far without saying it. Scientifically speaking the brain produces hormones that would be better related to 'attraction' or 'lust' for the first 3 months of meeting someone (I've seen some studies say 4 and even 1 say 6...I'll say inconclusive but "awhile").

Technically its ok once these chemicals have died off, that initial attraction is gone but you still care about the person and want to be with them that I would consider it love (there are other chemicals that keep being produced but you have to make an effort for).

on a non-scientific side of things: I usually say "i love you" after about a month and by the 2nd month we've broken things off...


So imo going for like 3 or 4 months without saying it is good

 

[Eagle653]

For some reason--probably shyness--I've never been the first one to say the L word in any relationship I've been in. But, once the other person did, I responded in kind and said I did too.

If you do love the guy, then there are two ways to do it (not that I'm expert on being the first, remember). One way is to just say it, honestly, privately, and at an appropriate time. Another way, which is more "me" if I had to do this again, would be to informally say it as in "Oh, I just love you" or "I really love you" at a tender moment or when you're happy with something he said or did.

There's no magical timetable for this. When my current partner and I got together 15 years ago, he wrote it in a birthday card as part of a longer note about how special our relationship was. That was a great way to handle it because if I hadn't felt the same way, there would have been no awkwardness by not responding in kind. I cherished that note, though, and zeroed in on that phrase in that one sentence. I made sure he realized that I'd 1) seen it and 2) felt the same way.

Good luck!

 

[hotb0d]

just don't force it.

You don't have to set up an event or meeting and declare your love. Just let it flows naturally. I remembered I said: I love you to my ex when we were just snoozing in bed. We kinda woke up at the same time, he reached over and kissed me. I turned over, kissed him, smiled, and just whispered it to him. I think spontaneity makes 'I Love You' even more meaningful.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a logical background for this (I was married with two small children), but the first time I told my partner of almost 28 years that I loved him, his response was, "don't be an asshole."

Fast forward, it all worked outwith all involved.

Tell him when your feeling it. You'll feel shitty if you felt it first but wait fir him to say it.

 

[toshiba114]

why do you need to say it? it is just word if you look in his eye and you know he loves you that should be enough

 

[castoono]

I never said the L word to my husband. But well, perhaps that's the reason why we split up finally.

 

[redips]

Is this normal?

I think different people/couples have very different attitudes about saying "I love you."

I've had one boyfriend who said it to me after 1.5 weeks--personally, I think that's WAY too soon. We did end up staying together for a while, but it wasn't a very happy relationship for me. Then, I know couples who have never said that to each other, even after 10, 15 years of being together, and they do seem happy. So, go figure.

For me, on average (if that means anything at all), it's usually about 2 months before someone says that to me.

I agree with what other have already said--don't feel pressured to say it; don't feel stressed about finding the "right" moment; and don't say it if you don't mean it. I think this last part is hard. I know I often have trouble deciding whether I truly love someone or not, and so I am RARELY the one to say it first.

 

[LoveIsNow]

Try to avoid saying it as long as possible, and then say it when you can't hold it in any more. That way you'll be sure you mean it. That's my philosophy and advice on the subject.

I have said it twice. Once at 7 and a half months under the duress of a break-up and I know I didn't really mean it.

I recently said it at 5 months and I'm not regretting it at all.

So, no if you've been dating someone since January, it's by no means high time to say it, and if you don't feel comfortable saying it, it's not the right time.

 

[SuperDave]

Said it to my bf after 2 weeks plus a month away from each other. He said it back. We're still together almost 6 months in.