The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

So you're gay, right? Can I talk to you?

N

NotSoStraight67

Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Posts
22
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Hi guys,

My other thread "Well, this came out of nowhere," sets out what I've been dealing with for decades, but also very recently. In a nutshell, I'm 42, married, one of the (millions?) of married guys coming to grips with his attraction to men. For years it's been pretty much only physical; recently I had an experience that led me to realize it can be and might now be emotional. Read my other thread for the details, if you have time.

Anyway ...

My question is, how do you respond to somebody when he says, "So you're gay, right? Can I talk to you?"

As I said in my other thread, and at the risk of it sounding like I'm saying "some of my best friends are black," I know lots of gay men, for reasons I can't really disclose. Most are in committed relationships. Never had any affairs with any of the gay guys I know (I would count perhaps three or four as "friends," beyond typical Facebook stuff, but not bosom buddies or anything like that.) Never really been attracted to many of them. But if I approached one or more with that question, and basically laid out my situation (see other thread if you're really interested what that situation is), would that be a good thing?

This question must come to you from time to time from not-so-straight guys. Maybe more often than that. Does it?? Are you put off by it, or do you appreciate it when it happens? It probably depends, but on what? Suggestions for initiating such a contact?

I know one guy in particular who's 20 years older than I who was married, had kids, came out, and is in a committed relationship. He'd probably be my first stop.

But I guess I hate to be emotionally needy, or to feed stereotypes, or whatever.

Thanks.
 
In my experience I have found that the gay people that I have talked to have been very receptive and helpful. I don't think I can remember any bad experiences with that.
 
So. Go to him as a first stop.

He's probably a better guide through all of this than anyone on this board could be, because he's able to listen and counsel you in a way that just isn't possible through a forum.
 
NotSoStraight67 said:
"So you're gay, right? Can I talk to you?"
Click to expand...
Well, that just seems like an odd way of bringing it up.

You probably want something more like, "Hey, Sam, I'm having a bit of an issue and I wonder if you would help me 'cause it seems like you've been through what I'm about to go through."

But in any case, yes, talking to the guy who's been through what you're going through now is a great idea. I remember coming out to a known gay friend (as the first person I came out to) as being very liberating. We talked for over an hour and I felt so much better!

Do it. The sooner the better.
 
I don't understand. It seems like you know he's gay and he is openly gay.

I think you might be trying to ask if it's offensive to ask a gay person for advice because they will feel like your token gay friend. And no that is not offensive, and I don't think he will feel that way. It would be like if you asked me for advice on contact lenses because I wear contacts. I could see it being uncomfortable for you if this were some long lost friend that you happened to know is gay and you are contacting him only for advice and otherwise don't talk to him. That might be awkward, but it still wouldn't be inappropriate or rude I don't think.

Relax.
 
Openly gay men are usually very proud of their gayness so even if you approach them in such a way, they'll probably have no qualms about talking and giving you advice. At least that has been my experience... lol

And trust me when I say they've probably been approached in far more offensive ways. One of our duties as fighting citizens is to defend our positions and be ready to do so at any time. Gay men are usually ready and willing to educate based on their experience.
 
I read your post three times, and I'm not sure if you're looking for someone to talk to, or someone to hook up with. Judging by your other post, I'd say the former. In which case, yeah, go for it. As Lube says, you might want to approach it slightly differently, but it could help to have someone to talk to.

Lex
 
Lol, we're all confused. Did the guy you've been e-mailing out of town ask you this? and now you're looking how to respond?

The answer should be, we should talk, over a drink or something.
 
Hi, good morning.

Sorry for the confusion. I should've been clearer. I'm just looking for somebody to talk to.

My potential "counselor," the gay guy with kids who's 20 years my senior, is a bit of a friend. He'd be my Facebook friend, if he were hip enough to be on Facebook. :) I just don't want to turn him, or any gay man, into a poster child, or to be somehow inappropriate, or offensive.

Guys, while I've been physically attracted to men for a long time, the emotional/relationship/friendship/whatever stuff is COMPLETELY new to me. No ulterior motive to my question. And I think I got the answer: No, approaching a gay man would not be offensive at all, in fact such questions can be welcomed, and flattering, if handled appropriately.

My new potential friend, the subject of my attraction, did not ask me this. He knows damn well I'm married to a woman.

The title of my post was more of an eyecatcher than the opening line I'd use. In fact I'd never say that.

Thanks ...
 
Wonderful! He will be a great resource for you. Good luck!
 
I went to a gay bar and one guy came up to me asking where his friends were since he went to the can. He was drunk and said he was scared they left him and that it was his first time at a gay bar. Turns out he was stright (my luck right??)

Well, in talking to him I found out he was a great guy and I immediately started to grill him about his straight life and all the homo-erotic stuff he does with his straight friends. He kept on telling his buddy that I was saying he was gay (which I wasnt'). I was only asking for juicy straight stories. Later I facebooked him and saw the pictures of him and his friend shaving his chest in a superman symbol and was I was thinking where was that story, haha.

The point of the story is, everything isn't always so serious. It's as serious as you make it. Granted your situation is very serious, but if you went up to a gay guy and asked them questions about being gay (after talking and realizing they were nice) that it wouldn't be rude or a faux pas or anything.

So to answer your comment, you can say, hey you're gay, can I talk to you?... and I'm sure they wouldn't get offended at all.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top