Someone please make me feel so not alone

[Coffee]

Ok...

So here goes, I'm 28, out and single and have been most of my life. I'm feeling very disconnected to the whole gay world in general lately and let me explain why.

I'm very shy, kinda of a prude and cannot bring myself to the idea of a "hookup." The idea of it all sounds so very hot but I just can't bring myself to meeting someone just for sex, no matter how hot he may be. Don't get wrong, I've had my share of 1 night stands, but usually a lot of alcohol has been involved in those scenarios and I've always felt very badly about my behavior the next day. When I say my "fair share"....I mean like maybe 4 times in 10 years. I'm feeling lately like the only GUY (gay or straight) in the whole world who can't seperate feelings and sex.

Maybe what I'm asking is: how or should I even go about getting over this in my head? I'm a very complicated guy I guess. I even get embarrassed about seeing strippers in bars. I guess I have very complex sexual issues and I need someone ANYONE to assure me that I'm normal and I'm not going to spend the rest of my life single and sex-less because I'm afraid.

You're normal, some guys may find your personality (the shyness issue) is the lovely side. There are lots of guys (including me) are not into one night stand.
But don't tell me you're so afraid that you run away if some guy try asking you out on date. Are you that shy?

 

[Telstra]

u are very normal. Actually there are alot of people who are just like you.

 

[hanshansen]

I don't know if you're normal, but you sound a little like me ...

I don't even find the idea of hookups that hot, I find it hard to get attracted to bodies without having some idea of the personality behind them ...

Here's a thought. What if there's a continuum with 'random hookup' on one end and 'making love to your soul mate' on the other? In between you'll have situations where, say, you hang out with someone a few times over a week or ten days, click with them and get to know them a bit, and then you hook up with them. That happened to me last week and it was kind of OK ... I wasn't in love with the person but I already knew there was a mutual attraction, and I liked them (as a person) and had the sense that they liked me. I mean, yes, it took me a while to relax but it did happen, and I didn't feel bad about myself the next day.

 

[Coffee]

I live in Panama City, Florida. I've never been asked out on a date by any guy that I've ever been even remotely attracted to. I work for the world's biggest coffee slinger so I'm not THAT shy, I talk to a few hundred people a day. I just feel downright prudish compared to the rest of my gay friends. Maybe I haven't met my best friend yet.

I may pay you a visit in the future

 

[Legendary]

just be happy and open and you will attract someone you like

Im 27 and been single almost all my life and am shy and also dont like hook ups. I want to meet someone for something lasting Im hopeful, and if not then my life is still amazing

 

[versatastic]

I've known a lot of guys like you. They say they're "old fashioned" and try to get to know the guy or girl they're interested in before they proceed to anything sexual, even a kiss for some of them. I was really surprised getting to know guys who were like that. Most of them weren't religious or saving themselves for marriage, they're just serial monogamysts and the thought of having sex with even the hottest stranger isn't really that enticing. I can't believe the number of guys I know who would prefer to make love over just fucking a guy or a girl. Some of them are the hot jock/fratboy type who have people throwing themselves on them, but they still just want "the one." It's both adorably cute and nauseatingly disgusting at the same time, but that second part is just me. Yeah, I have issues. You probably have issues of your own, but I would hardly think there's anything remotely wrong with you. You may feel lonely because it might seem that everyone else around you is hooking up and you can't find anyone interested in you for more than just your body at that particular moment when they're with you, but that kinda comes with the territory. If you don't have any hobbys already, you might want to take up something where you can meet new people other than a club or online.

 

[SashaLex]

I just turned 23. I've only really been active on this forum for the past few weeks. I am not out and it's difficult because I feel like I need some room to figure out who I really am and I can't right now (if you're interested- http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234813 )

I live in Russia and there's this dating site I joined, where you can get anything from casual friendship to one night stands to what they call 'comercial services'. There has been several guys who contacted me through this site, some of whom, mind you, are just drop dead gorgeous. But I personally wish to connect with someone on a more personal level before embarking on 'the next level' (See? I couldn't even use the word 'have sex with', I'm even more prudish than you!)

Ergo, yeah, I'm still a virgin- albeit by choice.

I guess what I wanted to say was, heck! You're not alone in this world, buddy!

You're very good looking by the way. You shouldn't have problems getting yourself a good guy.

Good luck!

 

[thermodynamics]

Relax, there's lots of us around. It just seems that we can't ever find each other.

 

[stripes]

Relax, there's lots of us around. It just seems that we can't ever find each other.

haha i think u hit the nail on the head.

i was actually thinking about this today and i thought maybe the reason why we never find each other is cause we're all too chickenshit too approach anyone. could be wrong, but most of the people who i've met who are like this are the type who like to be approached rather than approach someone else

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>i was actually thinking about this today and i thought maybe the reason why we never find each other is cause we're all too chickenshit too approach anyone. could be wrong, but most of the people who i've met who are like this are the type who like to be approached rather than approach someone else

Bingo.

Nick, picture yourself in a club or something. Now populate the club solely with about fifty people a lot like you. Not necessarily clones, but pretty much in your situation. What's gonna happen?

Nothing.

Why? You say you've never been asked out by someone you were attracted to. But how many people have you asked out? And if all fifty people are in the same boat, well, it's gonna be fifty people staring at each other. It's a common complaint among gay guys - "how come nobody is asking me out?". But the question should be "Who are you asking out?" Because somebody's gotta do it. Why does it have to be "the other guy"?

How do you alter this? Get more proactive. That doesn't mean go online and find someone to have sex with - you're apparently not interested in that. But get out there. Meet some folks. Go to the gay part of town, hit the bookstores, the grocery stores, the coffeeshops. Strike up some conversations. Go online and look up some gay groups to join - biking clubs, book clubs, volunteer groups, whatever strikes your fancy.

The sex thing will come. You'll meet a guy, you'll develop a relationship, and then the clothes-coming-off part will seem like the next logical step. But that's putting the cart before the horse. Go out and find the guy first.

Lex

 

[dairyking469]

You are normal, and I know EXACTLY how you feel...

 

[DarkHelios]

I'm 28, kind-of- sort-of on the way out of the closet and have never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend for that matter).

Personally, I only want to have sex with someone I know and care about. I know people who think the same way that I do, and I know people who look for sex just for the physical pleasure whether there's an emotional attachment or not.

I don't believe that there's anything wrong with either view. If you want sex and love together, don't settle for anything less. You can have it, though it will probably take more effort than just sex.

In my humble opinion, you're normal (though I think that normal is highly over-rated).

 

[fjancsi80]

You are sexy so it is really strange that even you feel yourself lonely. OK, no casual hook-ups, but what is the reason that you are not living in a serious relationship with a guy in your league? You should be...