Something is wrong with me.

[MainEntry]

To start the replies, I'd say that NOT LOOKING but being open is good advice. I'm older now, but when I was in my 20s and good looking, I had a devil of a time find BFs because I must have had some sort of vibe that gave off a desperate signal. I'm much more relaxed now, give people a smile, etc.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>It's like they'll ask me things like "how is the weather" and I'll answer "cold" and leave it at that. I don't know what else to say after that and we'll both have blank looks on our faces. But that is a normal everyday thing for me. I never know how to elaborate.

If you find it hard to carry a conversation, try to let the other person help. How? Simple: questions. Questions sort of force the other person to respond, and help keep the conversation going. So if the topic is "the weather", don't just say "cold". Say, "It's colder than I normally like it. Do you like the cold?" Or maybe "Do you know if it's supposed to warm up soon?"

Lex

 

[confusedboy23]

I am not a very good at talking too but I definitely try. You just have to start with finding out a common interest that you both share and before you know it, you'll have so much to share.

I know how it feels when you look around and see couples and you think to yourself "what's wrong with me?" and that feeling sure sucks. I am struggling with that too, but I guess the guys here are right - you just have to keep your heart and eyes open, keep trying, as hard as it may be.

 

[silentalk]

Same here... except that I'd say I communicate rather well.

I feel depressed a lot, but I guess I have to wait...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So now I don't know what I did.

What you did was got wise and didn't say "yes". "I'll let you blow me if you steal something for me"? What kind of exchange is that? That's somebody you don't want to talk to, period. And yes, better (utterly) alone than to have someone like that around.

You may be really attractive, but nobody will know you're available and interested unless you start talking. Next time you go to a gay bar, take a peek around. The average looking guy who chats and laughs gets a lot more attention than the quiet shy hot guy.

So get out there and do it!

Go out tonight and start up a conversation with somebody. It doesn't have to be a potential date - just talk to anybody. Ask those questions. Ask the grocery clerk about the produce. Ask the bartender what the strangest drink he ever made was. Ask the guy by himself at the bar what he's drinking, or where he got that shirt. It's not that difficult, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>When you don't have anything you learn to settle for anything.

No, when you don't have anything, you have to learn to appreciate when the "something" offered to you is worse than the nothing you have now.

Lex

 

[tonyboy]

Holy Cow friend..... you sound desperate for sex. If that is what you are after there are better ways to go about it than stealing from the place where you work just for a quick b/j.
I'm sure you want a bf more than just a quickie.
You give yourself a 7 of 10 in the looks department.... That's pretty fine I think.

There is lot's of good advice ^ from folks that have responded to you. I think the best advice was about trying to ask questions of the guys you meet. Most people like to share stuff about them and if you are concerned and interested it will lead to more conversation. It may be a bit tough at first but it will help you to be a better conversationalist. It's tougher to do that in person than on jub or on the phone, I know that..... but it is a very good idea.

I'd like to see you post a pic or two of yourself on jub and not for the reason you may think. I'd like to see what you look like..... my guess is that you are better looking than you imagine. Sounds to me as if you may be underestimating yourself a bit.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I never look people into the eye because they might notice a flaw that I didn't notice.

It's extremely rare for people to expect perfection in people they've just met. The few that do expecti ti are always disappointed. We've all got our flaws.

Lex

 

[tommyj]

Well I first saw him at my job. A few days later I ran into his myspace page. I then sent him a message telling him how beautiful he. He never said anything back for about a month. He then sent me a message basically saying "I'll let you blow me if you steal something for me." I proably would've went through with it had he would've not stop corresponding with me.. It's awful, I know. When you don't have anything you learn to settle for anything. Or beggers can't be choosers.

What did he want u to steal? Or didnt u get to that?

 

[Absolut]

I just don't know what to do anymore. I was talking to this guy that comes into my job all the time. He says he'll let me give him a bj if I steal something from my job for him.

Wait wait wait....he said "I'll LET you give me a BJ if you steal something?" Is he straight?

Dude, don't sell yourself short. Trust me, I've been there, done that. Time will bring something positive your way, I guarantee it.

We are all here to help you through this! And btw, listen to Lex - Lex is good, Lex is wise!

 

[gameboy 11]

Well, you're 4 years my senior. But we are both good peeps, looking for love.

Just keep the hopes up, and don't give up in general. I will now point this topic in my friend's direction. He should post soon. ^-^

 

[Absolut]

I've given it time. I've give it almost 27 years and I've had not one relationship. It's been all about sex (with close "friends") for me.

I don't know what it is but people don't seem interested in me. They'll talk to me expecting more than a one word answer and I'll stand there with a blank stare and they end up leaving me...standing. I always ask myself "what can I say next" and if I do say something it never comes out right and I have to repeat it.

Well, I would take Lex's advice and start asking questions the other way. Don't wait for them to be asked to you - ask them first if possible. That way you can steer the conversation to the way you prefer. And, if possible, keep them open ended as well (which was mentioned.)

And yes, the guy was straight. I don't know what I said or did but he really doesn't want to talk to me again. I was talking to this older guy on myspace but he just wanted sex. I told him I didn't just want sex and now he doesn't talk to me anymore. He reads my messages but doesn't reply. Seems there is no hope for me.

Problem #1. He was straight. I would recommend not speaking to him again because he seems like a sleaze ball anyway that just wants to get laid. Plus, "straight" guys don't usually have other guys blow them. He seems manipulative if you ask me.

If you are talking to someone and they just want sex up front, then I'm glad you have the balls to say "I want more than just sex." If they quit talking to you, obviously it is their loss. Trust me - happier times will come, it just takes time (I know I said it before, but if I went throughout life not wanting to be happy then I don't think it would ever come. So, I think of it like "What's the point?" of being down all the time. )

We are all here to support you!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I don't know what it is but people don't seem interested in me. They'll talk to me expecting more than a one word answer and I'll stand there with a blank stare...

Well, how do you think that comes accross? If I saw someone, talked with them, and only got a blank stare or a monosyllabic answer, I'm going to assume that person is telling me "I'm not interested." I'd move on. What else can they do? They're certainly not going to think "Well, once we start a relationship, I'm sure he'll start talking more."

Small talk is one of the VERY few ways we humans approach each other. Small talk, if it goes well, leads to medium talk, which leads to deep talk. You don't have to be brilliant at it, but the better you get at it, the more options you're going to have.

What I find intriguing is that several people have suggested this, but you keep batting it away. What are your thoughts on it? Do you feel "I just suck at it, so there's no use trying"?

Lex

 

[mabby7]

Great advice guys ... I really needed this.

I also met a new guy at work and started making small talk to him. I found out that he has had many problems these past few years, but it didn't seem like he had. I was very nervous talking to him, but he did seem like a nice guy. He admitted that he hung around with the wrong crowd, and that he's still at a crossroad in his life. I hope I could make a more positive impact in his life.

So talking (even if it seems like nonsense) is really good.

Malewaiter, just try to talk and don't be shy. Even if you think you sound funny, just keep at it. Practice practice practice.

 

[dalton41]

I just can't seem to find a boyfriend. I'm 26 and I've never had a gilfriend or boyfriend. I know I don't look that bad (I'd rate myself a 7 out of 10). What gets me is that I know I would be the best boyfriend ever but I can't find anybody. I wouldn't cheat or anything like that. I mean, I've seen people way worse looking than I am but the have a gf/bf. So what's wrong with ME?

I don't know how to communicate with people. It's like they'll ask me things like "how is the weather" and I'll answer "cold" and leave it at that. I don't know what else to say after that and we'll both have blank looks on our faces. But that is a normal everyday thing for me. I never know how to elaborate. I try not to stare or look into their eyes because I don't want them to notice my flaws. I'm very self conscience (sp?).

I've never had anybody to call my own. Any advice for me guys?

At 26 I sure wouldn't complain. I stopped looking when I was 40 and then 10 years later I found the perfect mate.