My mom quickly began screaming at me to call 911. I took my cell phone and began dialing as she was trying to wake my dad. He was out completely cold. The paramedics came quickly, and took him away to the hospital as my mom and I got in the car and followed behind.
The entire car ride was silent. My mom had an intense look in her face that gave off the “don’t fuck with me” expression at that point. I kept to myself as she pulled into the hospital. They had taken my dad straight to the ICU. My guess was that he had heart failure, and after three hours I found out that my hunch was correct.
While my dad always worked long, hard hours, he became addicted to quick eats. He would eat doughnuts, cookies, and then drink red bull to stay awake. I knew that it was going to lead to something like this, but my mom told me to leave it alone and not to worry.
As we sat outside, my mom was pacing back and forth. I wanted her to stop, but I knew that she had to cope with this in some way. After another two hours, we were finally allowed to see my dad, who looked deathly pale. Surprisingly though, my mom didn’t cry; she didn’t show an ounce of weakness and my dad wasn’t moving at all due to being heavily sedated.
For me, I wasn’t used to being in hospitals. As a result of that, I couldn’t stand being in one. The sight of my dad connected to a bunch of tubes made me sick, along with the smell of disinfectant sprays. Mom and I stayed in the hospital until we were kicked out, and then we began the car ride home.
It was silent again at first. Then, I chimed in.
“It’s all my fault.”
“No, it’s not. Don’t think that, honey.”
“If I just told you and dad everything when you asked me and at that moment, he would be fine.”
“You don’t know that.”
I paused preparing myself for what I was about to say next.
“Mom, you really want to know everything about me right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay…I’m gay,” I began crying.
“What?!”
“I’m sorry, mom. I know that you probably hate me now, but please, I don’t want you to hate me. I just want to be honest with you now,” as the sobbing continued.
“How do you know that you’re gay?”
“I have a boyfriend right now.”
“You have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me? I thought I said no dating.”
“But, I really like him.”
“Was it the boy that drove you home today?”
“Yes.”
There was an awkward pause after that, and then my mom sighed.
“I really wish you weren’t gay. You’re going to suffer so much in the future, and I wanted to have grandkids.”
“I know mom, but I just don’t see that happening. I love my boyfriend.”
“…”
“Do you hate me? Do you want me to move out?”
“No. I’d rather have a gay son than lose a son.”
“What about dad?”
“I’ll work on him when he’s better.”
It was my turn to pause, but I turned to my mom and gave her a hug.
“Thank you, mom.”
We continued driving home, yet it really didn’t feel like I was going home though. I texted Mason and he invited me over. I crawled through his window, ran into his arms, and began sobbing uncontrollably. All of my emotions came out: about my father, coming out to my mom, and the fear of possibly losing everything.
“Babe, calm down! No matter what, you’re not going to lose me.”
After being in the hospital for half the night, I graciously continued to lay in Mason’s arms as we fell asleep.
