Sometimes I just really hate being gay.

[Fat Tom]

Well, not just gay, but a [bear/daddy] chaser as well. For some reason I just don't feel like I could be in a relationship right now. It sucks because I would love to be in one. I just feel alone a lot of the time now. I haven't had a problem with this until recently. I mean, I've pretty much gone 21 years without a relationship... and never really been affected by it. But now it's different. I'm just longing for something more... but I just can't see it happening.

There's a lot of factors playing into this... First off would definitely be my living situation, seeing as how I still live with my parents. I came out to them not too terribly long ago (a couple months), and I know they don't exactly approve. Second would be my friends. They all know, and could really care less about it. It would just be awkward to have someone else around that would be a decent amount older than me.

Sorry for the emo-ass post, but god dammit sometimes I kind of wish I was either straight, or into twinks or something.

 

[G-Lexington]

It ain't easy being straight and living at home either - you think most parents smile on bring a girl home? Concentrate on getting the rest of your life in order - out of the house, stable job, what have you. The relationship will come.

Lex

 

[Fat Tom]

It ain't easy being straight and living at home either - you think most parents smile on bring a girl home? Concentrate on getting the rest of your life in order - out of the house, stable job, what have you. The relationship will come.

Lex

Yeah, but at least then I could bring the bitch around my friends and wouldn't really feel awkward. I know my parents wouldn't approve of a chick spending the night, either. They're the moral christian type, but not really bigots, mind you. But, again, at least I could chill with her at the house and, again, not feel awkward. Having some big hairy dude hanging around is just odd.

And yeah, I long for the future.

 

[PSCGuy]

So if you aren't comfortable being yourself at home, then get fixed on moving out. It'd be a tad easier than 'converting' your parents.

But while I can't attest to being into older guys myself, I'd ask if it really matters to your friends if you were in a relationship with an older guy. They don't care about you being gay, so would they care about this new thing? Probably not. And maybe your significant other wouldn't be one of "the guys". But that's not a reason not to put yourself out for other people.

I can sympathize with being 21 and mostly single my entire life. However, I really agree with Lex's advice. Though a stable, long-term, meaningful relationship hasn't fallen in my lap yet, the best you can do is put yourself in a position to be comfortable being with someone. Until that happens, you'll never be able to be in a relationship I thinks.

And don't long for the future. Make your present awesome.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Yeah, but at least then I could bring the bitch around my friends and wouldn't really feel awkward. I know my parents wouldn't approve of a chick spending the night, either. They're the moral christian type, but not really bigots, mind you. But, again, at least I could chill with her at the house and, again, not feel awkward. Having some big hairy dude hanging around is just odd.

You're judging your parents and friends based on a hypothetical. That's the same thing, I think, that freaks out parents when they find out their son is gay. They picture him in high heels and a thong at the end of leather leash being held by a 300 lb hairy guy in leather and jeans...or whatever else their own personal scariest mental image of a homosexual is. But the actual fact tends to not be quite so problematic. You introduce them to your boyfriend, who almost certainly has good traits (else why would you be with him?). People say "Oh, he's pretty cool" and leave it at that. My parents really like my boyfriend, and always have - and not just for my sake. It's not that different from bringing a regular friend over for dinner.

Lex

 

[thewiz]

As an "older guy" who tends to date younger guys...I think you are selling yourself short. I was invited to Richmond to visit a guy I met in DC three weeks ago. I'm staying with his friends -- they are all in their 20's.

I do get mistaken for someone in their 30's and I do tend to like to have a good time and get along with guys of all ages. So don't sell yourself or a potential partner short; just be yourself and if you like the guy-- who cares what others think.

Now, having said that, going home with you may be a bit tense for an older guy, especially if the rents have not quite accepted your being gay. You might try dating for some time and then invite them and the partner out to dinner to meet the first time. A good friend of mine just took his boyfriend to meet his parents in North Carolina....a little stressed at first but everyone ended up getting along pretty well. They have been going together for several months before he got up the will to take his BF home to meet the parents! He wasn't living at home and it was hard; it'll probably be a little more difficult for you.

Lastly, no parent likes to hear their child getting banged; no more than the child probably enjoys hearing mom and dad getting it on. Having two kids and two step-kids, I have do have to admit that it was not something that you eagerly await.

 

[Candyapple]

Yeah, but at least then I could bring the bitch around my friends and wouldn't really feel awkward.

Is it really necessary to refer to a (non-existent) woman as 'the bitch'? Can't you just call her 'the woman' or 'the girl'? Why the hateful language?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Is it really necessary to refer to a (non-existent) woman as 'the bitch'? Can't you just call her 'the woman' or 'the girl'? Why the hateful language?

Because she's both hypothetical and unobtainable.

Lex

 

[Fat Tom]

Is it really necessary to refer to a (non-existent) woman as 'the bitch'? Can't you just call her 'the woman' or 'the girl'? Why the hateful language?

Because I'm sexist. haha

But in all honesty, it's to get people, such as yourself, rilled up over nothing.

 

[Fat Tom]

What's stopping you from leaving your parents house?

Move out A.S.A.P.

If you learn how to live on your own, you'll have a much better basis for a relationship.

I'm in school, and quite comfortable with my living situation other than this detail. I don't have to pay any rent, home cooked meals are great, and there are just other perks. Plus, I need to find a roommate who I could get along with. I'm hoping on some of my friends... but some of them are not so reliable when it comes to money. I still plan on moving out relatively soon, though. Like, with in the year.