Somewhat confusing situation

[qget12]

Right. So, there’s this guy from high school that I was never really friendly with. I would say “hey” in the corridor and since leaving school and going to college I seen him probably about five times. It was never a big deal and would always just, again, say hey whenever I did.

One night a few years ago when everyone was back home from college (I think it was around xmas time) we were at a local bar and I noticed this same guy looking at me. He was kind of staring and we locked eyes. I had had a few drinks and had no problem holding his gaze (I assume it was the same for him). I found it strange but never thought on it too much.

Again, some time passed and lo and behold I found myself at the same bar over Christmas this year. He was there and I said hey as usual and the night went in with me and all my friends getting pretty trashed. Over the course of the night I did notice him look at me a few times.

Sometime later I was walking back from the toilets when I walked past him (this next part is pretty hazy because, like I said, I was pretty drunk) when he grabbed me as I passed him by putting his hand in my back pocket and said something like “c’mon and listen to this song” (sounds silly but I can’t exactly remember what was said). I laughed and said something like “Na I’m cool” and just went back to my friends. I found this really strange since we’ve never really had a full conversation or been that friendly.

Sounds like he might be interested, right? Here’s the kicker. He has a girlfriend and I’ve never gotten any sort of curious vibe from him before that first time a few years ago. I’m not out and don’t give off any sort of gay vibe that would single me out for him.

I saw him again a few nights ago with his girlfriend and her friends at the same bar. They all sat talking while he kind of sat to the side, not talking and kind of looking at my direction (not staring but discreet glances here and there), before getting up and leaving for good. It was pretty early in the night so inhibitions hadn’t been lowered to the extent they were the last time.

Let me just preface this by saying that I’m not interested in pursuing this as some “getting-the-straight guy” fantasy. I’m just curious to see if others agree with my assessment that there might be some interest on his part?

 

[anchihiro]

Well, i dont know. But you'll never know unless you go and make conversation with him. And since you turned his ice breaker down, he probably wont try again, so now its up to you to approach him.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, he was obviously trying to get to know you, one way or the other. If you wanna see what's up, the best course is to make a move of your own. Act friendly, and casual, as of whatever's happened in the bar hasn't happened.

Also, we're never as deep in the closet as we think we are, trust me

 

[qget12]

Well, i dont know. But you'll never know unless you go and make conversation with him. And since you turned his ice breaker down, he probably wont try again, so now its up to you to approach him.

Well, he was obviously trying to get to know you, one way or the other. If you wanna see what's up, the best course is to make a move of your own. Act friendly, and casual, as of whatever's happened in the bar hasn't happened.

Also, we're never as deep in the closet as we think we are, trust me

I turned down his ice breaker because I was sort of shocked at his forwardness and didn't really know what he was asking me to do.

The reason why I'm reluctant to get to know him is the simple fact that I think we've very little in common. Plus, I don't want to get to know him because if I did it would be for the simple reason of finding out if my instinct about him was right, which would turn into one of those drawn out "is my straight friend interested in me?" situations.

Also, I meant to clarify because I knew someone would bring it up (they always like to) when I say I don't give out any noticeable signs of being gay, I don't mean that no one will know there's something going on. I meant it in the sense that if he is curious I'm not a typical "target" for someone like him to turn his attention to without me responding by meeting his gaze etc.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, if you're the only gay guy he knows or suspects of, that makes it understandable.

 

[Seasoned]

There can be something in the eyes between gay or bi men that's almost a secret language. For centuries that was the only way to communicate interest unless one was rich and powerful.

 

[hylas]

i dont get whats confusing about this. hes interested in you - pursue if youre interested, dont if you arent.

 

[qget12]

There can be something in the eyes between gay or bi men that's almost a secret language. For centuries that was the only way to communicate interest unless one was rich and powerful.

That's kind of what I meant. Clearly we're both picking up on something about each other.

i dont get whats confusing about this. hes interested in you - pursue if youre interested, dont if you arent.

It's confusing because well, he's straight, and I am wary of going down this path because I've been wrong about this stuff before.

But thanks for the advice so far. It's great to get another perspective on things.

 

[hylas]

^ nah, hes bi or closeted, or both. yes, that spells 'hot mess potential'

 

[KaraBulut]

Let me just preface this by saying that I’m not interested in pursuing this as some “getting-the-straight guy” fantasy. I’m just curious to see if others agree with my assessment that there might be some interest on his part?

Frankly, as long as you're sitting on the other side of the bar or are drinking to the point where things get hazy, you're not going to have an answer to this question.

Most of this can be resolved by getting up, walking over to his table and having a few minutes of conversation.