Spare the rod, spoil the child?

[theblackajah]

Kids these days, unfortunately, seem to be generally on a downwards spiral in terms of motivation, behaviour, respect, etc.

While there are many factors involved, one thing I feel is significant is the loss of popularity of corporal punishment. It seems to have become taboo to spank/whip/cause physical pain to your child in the name of discipline.

I grew up with a father who would belt me when I misbehaved or acted in a disrespectful manner. It was never abusing- just a few painful spanks that left a stinging reminder that my actions have consequences. I've grown up since then to be, in my opinion, a respectful individual- I also like to volunteer and be active in the community, and am extremely motivated and disciplined when it comes to my university studies. I feel that, had the rod been spared, I would not be who I am today.

Opinions? Spare the rod, spoil the child?

 

[theblackajah]

Example of what I feel is yet another symptom of today's lack of child discipline:

Warsaw - A 14-year-old schoolgirl from northern Gdansk committed suicide after she was stripped in front of her class by five boys, who then simulated the girl's rape, the police said on Wednesday.

"On Friday, when the teacher was out of the classroom, five boys undressed the girl in front of her classmates and then started to touch her intimate parts and simulated the sex act with her," said Jaroslaw Sykutera, a spokesperson for the Gdansk police.

"One of the aggressors recorded the incident on his mobile phone," he added.

Some of the other girls in the class tried to help the girl, but she was only able to break free from the boys after they had stripped her.

The head teacher tried to relay the incident to the girl's parents, but only managed to get her teenage brother on the phone, who apparently did not pass on the message, the police said.

A preliminary investigation has shown that the victim of the attack told a friend on Friday night that she would never again set foot in the school.

On Saturday morning, the girl's parents found her lifeless body in her room. She had hanged herself with a jump-rope, the police said.

The five boys who stripped the girl have been detained.

The police tried to retrieve the mobile phone recording of the incident from the memory card of the phone, but the clip had already been erased.

The stiffest sentence the boys face would be time in a correctional institution for minors.

Had they been adults, they could have been jailed for up to 12 years, according to the police. - Sapa-AFP

 

[douseiai]

while not the case globally... i do agree that spare the rod you spoil the child... spoil as in to rot... in socal i see a lot of these kids doing stupid things all cause noone will stop them... i was spanked as a kid and will probably spank my kids... i am a well adjusted person i have a great job i don't commit crime i don't drink i don't smoke(anything) i don't do anything bizarre... and i didn't get in trouble much when i was younger... if kids know that well then maybe they will behave more appropriatly and mature earlier... which is certainly not a bad thing imho... there are to many rude kids and deliquent kids ... beating your child to within an inch of his life is certainly not right... but a red mark isn't gonna kill them... while i don't know what these kids would have done should they had been hit in some fasion growing up they might not have done that thinking of the possibilities awaiting them when they got home... i hear far to many juvinile violence stories to not discipline my child... whether its spaking or time out... i will do my best to get them fairly well behaved...

 

[gsdx]

Children these days are learning that there are no consequences to their actions. They quickly learn they can do anything they want to do. When I was a kid, I knew the taste of hand soap and I knew the sting of a smack on the butt. When I was sent to my room, there was nothing there except a bed.

There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline, but they are treated as one and the same. Things would be a lot different in schools these days if the strap was still allowed to be used. Get a couple of smacks across the palms with that thing and you thought twice about doing anything wrong in class again.

 

[bma1983]

Kids these days, unfortunately, seem to be generally on a downwards spiral in terms of motivation, behaviour, respect, etc.

While there are many factors involved, one thing I feel is significant is the loss of popularity of corporal punishment. It seems to have become taboo to spank/whip/cause physical pain to your child in the name of discipline.

I grew up with a father who would belt me when I misbehaved or acted in a disrespectful manner. It was never abusing- just a few painful spanks that left a stinging reminder that my actions have consequences. I've grown up since then to be, in my opinion, a respectful individual- I also like to volunteer and be active in the community, and am extremely motivated and disciplined when it comes to my university studies. I feel that, had the rod been spared, I would not be who I am today.

Opinions? Spare the rod, spoil the child?

I agree. Everytime I'm somewhere and I see kids talking back to their parents or just behaving bad, I wait for the parent to do something. Smack them upside the head or in their behind, but alas, the parents don't do a damn thing. Counldn't be my child.

 

[justsimon]

I absolutely do not agree with capital punishment. Ever. There are plenty of ways to teach your children respect and to discipline them without laying a hand on them. I wasn't spanked as a child and I don't spank my daughter. She's a respectful and responsible person and so am I.

 

[Austin40acres]

There's a difference between spanking and corporal punishment, I think.

When a child is young and doesn't have the verbal skills or the mental abilities to understand an explanation of why he/she has done something wrong, I good, swift swat on the butt will get his/her attention.

I remember wondering why my Mom would refuse to let the elementary school I went to spank. She spanked me on numerous occasions. Then, I heard her say, "He's my kid. If he needs a spanking, it's my privilege to do it."

Parents need to be parents, not friends, of their children.

A4A

 

[buttons]

Well, I don't necessarily agree with you. And I don''t think you can argue a case for corporal punishment based on the fact that you grew up to be a respectful, caring and disciplined individual. Like you said yourself there are many factors involved here. In your case you had a dad who loved and respected you enough to want to teach you to be what you are now. His method was a slap or the belt. In Sinfulsimon's case other methods were used.

While a slap might have worked for you there are many who got the slap when the needed it and have grown up to be less than outstanding individuals. And there are millions of kids who never got slapped who grew up/are growing up to be wonderful, well adjusted men and women.

Key things in any upbringing are love, respect, time, attention and yes discipline. Children need to feel loved, that someone will be there for them, no matter how bad they might screw up. They also need your attention and time spent finding out who they are and time spent teaching them a good set of morals and how to behave. Time spent having fun and teaching them what they need to know when they need to know it. Discipline is a part of that process. Kids need to know not only when they have overstepped a boundary but also why and what the consequences of their actions are. they need to be taught responsibility.

A slap might work for some, but on the whole I think it's a cop out, a last resort. For me it says I am not in control anymore and you are gonna listen no matter what. If you can't reason with your children, I doubt slapping them will make them all understand properly.

I don't envy parents nowadays. It's not an easy job. It's tough enough making ends meet and having to raise a family, paying for care, schools, health, etc. And then having to find/make time to spend with children. We live in a different time to the one we grew up in, the world has changed and so have the children that have been brought into it.

 

[justsimon]

For me it says I am not in control anymore and you are gonna listen no matter what. If you can't reason with your children, I doubt slapping them will make them all understand properly.

This is how I feel about it.

 

[bma1983]

A slap might work for some, but on the whole I think it's a cop out, a last resort. For me it says I am not in control anymore and you are gonna listen no matter what. If you can't reason with your children, I doubt slapping them will make them all understand properly.

Yes, because all children have the capabilities of reason. Especially when they're five and six.

 

[Soilwork]

My parents never hit me.

And I was a very well behaved kid.

Bad parents are lazy and just smack their kids.

OH well.

 

[M4P]

I don't see a problem with a child receiving the odd swat if and when it is needed

IMHO the greater issue with kids today is parents are not being parents - they're trying to be their kid's friends. Kids thrive under boundaries and need to be taught manners and respect on a consistent basis.

 

[eddielee]

My parents whipped me whenever I did something really awful. I was raised to show respect for others and to mind my parents. I always said "yes sir" or "yes ma'am" when answering my parents. If you misbehaved in School the teacher would spank your hand with a ruler. If you were really bad, you were sent to the principle' office and spanked with a paddle.

 

[Riverrick]

Its hard to love someone who hits you.


*

 

[justsimon]

IMHO the greater issue with kids today is parents are not being parents - they're trying to be their kid's friends. Kids thrive under boundaries and need to be taught manners and respect on a consistent basis.

This is very true.

 

[Soilwork]

Its hard to love someone who hits you.


*

I don't think it's possible.

but I know a lot of people who insist their parents love them.

I also know of a lot of battered wives who insist their abusive husbands love them too, even while they're beating them up.

but I'm sure the two are totally unrelated.

 

[twardmo]

I think that as long as the punishment fits the crime and the parent is consistant with their disciplinary actions they will be effective, whether it's spanking or grounding or whatever (just never spank or dish out punishment while you're mad). My dad used to beat us while he was mad, and i think we were all afraid that one day he would get mad enought kill one of us. Anyway, that is just my opinion, however i am not a parent so take it for what it's worth.

 

[cocktales]

Sorry; but I don't think hitting children is the answer!

I think a good parent can get their child's attention without smacking them!

My folks NEVER laid a hand on us and I think we all turned out fairly good mannered, repectful people.

There are a lot of things parents can do to get their children to cooperate with them, using discipline that does NOT involve hitting.

The same with animals, hitting animals makes them fear you....I canNOT stand to see an animal cower when an adult yells at them..........a sure sign (most of the time) that hitting is involved to get the discipline across..

No, sorry, Please do NOT hit!

 

[Chocras]

Some thoughts on this thread....

Folks need to realize that the distinction between "spanking" and "abuse" don't really mean much because folks differ on what's an "acceptable amount " of physical violence. For example - some folks would never think of hitting a child with a bet...except for my parents who "disciplined" me with a belt and came from a culture that thought that the belt was a perfectly acceptable thing to use on a child.

"Discipline" means teaching someone the right way to go and the right things to do...it means training. You can train children by teaching, setting examples by how you behave. Children are not as unreasonable as some of the folks in this thread seem to think. I reject the type of thinking that equates "discipline" with corporal punishment.

How does one "spank" a child when they aren't angry? To wait until you've calmed down until you hit someone who is smaller and weighs less strikes me as even more creepier than doing it in the so-called heat of the moment.

My parents used corporal punishment on me. It only made me resent them and to distrust them. It encouraged me to be secretive so as not to receive more beatings (and yes, my parents called them beatings and I consider them to be beatings). Even if the beating was because I was guilty of misbehavior I was never sorry for misbehaving. It only made me think that if they were really in the right, they wouldn't have to beat me.

Adults are bigger, stronger and weigh more than children. I can't believe that this nation lacks the moral imagination to find other ways of teaching children moral values besides hitting them.

 

[just_mills]

Shouldn't need to hit your child(ren) in the first place..