Silvernitrate
Porn Star
I'm currently on spring break, and I was scheduled to fly out of LA thursday morning. I drove to the airport and this trip was making me extremely nervous for some reason! I was not scared of flying, i've flown a million times, but for some unknown reason I couldn't bring my self to board that flight.
What I think it is, is a stupid little psychological thing that I've developed. At the end of my senior year I was scared that it was quite possible I could stay in my hometown, or anywhere near it. I came to the conclusion that the greater the distance, and the longer the time period you are away from your hometown, is directly proportional to how successful you are. However, I know that's not true, but I expect way too much from myself.
I got to the desk and the lady asked for my information, and I asked if it was possible for me to get a refund on my ticket and she said of course. I refunded my ticket and left back to my car. I had some regret doing it, but was thinking.. okay what do I do now? I then got a call from my mom asking me about my flight times. I told her I wasn't going after all. She seemed sad, and she told me my dad was excited for me to come and had taken time off of work. A guilt trip set in , but she made it seem like it wasn't too big of a deal. She just said, oh well, we are going up there soon anyways.
So I was driving back home and decided to put some gas. As I got back on the interstate I thought to myself, "I have a full tank of gas, and nothing to do. I really need to get over my weird ideas" So I was I was about to approach the west I-10 ramp back home, and at the last second I swerved over to the East lane and said, "Fuck it, I'm driving to Texas" I phoned my mother and told her I was driving instead. She was happy about that, and I was finally excited to go.
I think I needed the long drive. I absolutely love driving. I mean flying is really convenient and safe, but I find driving really long road trips so much fun! I drove the whole way, only stopping for gas. I made very good timing too! It's a straight shot basically. I-10 the whole time doing 80 to 90 MPH. sometimes more. hehe. I have a sports car, I gotta use it for what it's made for!
At any rate, last night I finally got to see my ex boyfriend and spent some time with him. I know I always tell myself that I need to get over him, but I can't. He's an amazing guy, but we live way too far apart! The only reason I've ever avoided him was to try and get used to being away from him, but I felt terrible for doing it.
I have no hope of getting over him anytime soon! Last night when I saw him, we gave each other a big long hug and at that moment I felt so relaxed and his smell just brought back so many memories. I was able to finally breathe, relax, and slow down and just quit thinking so much for once. It was a really soothing experience being with him!
We both are into fitness and he plays football for his university and well, I don't play any sports at my school, but I do have a personal trainer. He's gained a lot of muscle from working out so much, but he's still faster than me! Ugh, pisses me off! haha, one day I'll catch up to him!! Anyways, I had trouble keeping my eyes off of him! He's so gorgeous but with all the muscle he's gained, it was hard to contain myself.
He enjoyed the attention though.. we had a long session of body worship needless to say.
But it was great spending time with him, and just having fun stupid conversations, wrestling (I can still kick his ass though!
) and cuddling as if I never left. Now we must resort back to just talking on the phone again for a long time, because I have no idea when I'll see him again.
Other than that, things are going well, but I need to get back to my other love... Los Angeles!
What I think it is, is a stupid little psychological thing that I've developed. At the end of my senior year I was scared that it was quite possible I could stay in my hometown, or anywhere near it. I came to the conclusion that the greater the distance, and the longer the time period you are away from your hometown, is directly proportional to how successful you are. However, I know that's not true, but I expect way too much from myself.
I got to the desk and the lady asked for my information, and I asked if it was possible for me to get a refund on my ticket and she said of course. I refunded my ticket and left back to my car. I had some regret doing it, but was thinking.. okay what do I do now? I then got a call from my mom asking me about my flight times. I told her I wasn't going after all. She seemed sad, and she told me my dad was excited for me to come and had taken time off of work. A guilt trip set in , but she made it seem like it wasn't too big of a deal. She just said, oh well, we are going up there soon anyways.
So I was driving back home and decided to put some gas. As I got back on the interstate I thought to myself, "I have a full tank of gas, and nothing to do. I really need to get over my weird ideas" So I was I was about to approach the west I-10 ramp back home, and at the last second I swerved over to the East lane and said, "Fuck it, I'm driving to Texas" I phoned my mother and told her I was driving instead. She was happy about that, and I was finally excited to go.
I think I needed the long drive. I absolutely love driving. I mean flying is really convenient and safe, but I find driving really long road trips so much fun! I drove the whole way, only stopping for gas. I made very good timing too! It's a straight shot basically. I-10 the whole time doing 80 to 90 MPH. sometimes more. hehe. I have a sports car, I gotta use it for what it's made for!
At any rate, last night I finally got to see my ex boyfriend and spent some time with him. I know I always tell myself that I need to get over him, but I can't. He's an amazing guy, but we live way too far apart! The only reason I've ever avoided him was to try and get used to being away from him, but I felt terrible for doing it.
I have no hope of getting over him anytime soon! Last night when I saw him, we gave each other a big long hug and at that moment I felt so relaxed and his smell just brought back so many memories. I was able to finally breathe, relax, and slow down and just quit thinking so much for once. It was a really soothing experience being with him!
We both are into fitness and he plays football for his university and well, I don't play any sports at my school, but I do have a personal trainer. He's gained a lot of muscle from working out so much, but he's still faster than me! Ugh, pisses me off! haha, one day I'll catch up to him!! Anyways, I had trouble keeping my eyes off of him! He's so gorgeous but with all the muscle he's gained, it was hard to contain myself.
He enjoyed the attention though.. we had a long session of body worship needless to say. But it was great spending time with him, and just having fun stupid conversations, wrestling (I can still kick his ass though!
) and cuddling as if I never left. Now we must resort back to just talking on the phone again for a long time, because I have no idea when I'll see him again. Other than that, things are going well, but I need to get back to my other love... Los Angeles!