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qaz

qaz

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Hey guys,

Ok I have a serious problem that I'm just lost with. I was with my first partner for 10 years but he was forever cheating on me. I left him when I found someone else but this partner has beaten me and stolen ALOT of money form me. I don't want to be alone and I do Love my current partner ( he's in prison at the moment ) My family don't approve of him anymore but I can't see life without him. So please tell me should I leave him or go with my heart and stay with him and believe things will change? I REALLY nned help as I just don't know what to do for the best any more. Any advice would be much apreciated. X
 
I should add that I WANT to stay with him but tings will be tough with my family now. I think he's worth fighting for! Has anyone else fought for someone no=one else had faith in?
 
Qaz, have you thought of joining a support group for spouses/partners that have faced domestic violence?
 
qaz said:
I should add that I WANT to stay with him but tings will be tough with my family now. I think he's worth fighting for! Has anyone else fought for someone no=one else had faith in?
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Yep!

Story of my life. :mad:

I've determined that my heart is a stupid bitch that needs to be locked up, and put away. ..|

I've found that when family, friends, and my rational-logic-mind are at odds, it's because my heart was being a stupid bitch.

I decided a long-time ago that I'd rather be single, alone, and happy with the company that I keep, than being in a relationship that I'm alone and miserable in.

Friends may come and go, but enemies you accumulate.

I'd rather those enemies be exes with issues, than friends and family who truly care for me. :)
 
Thanks for your response MoePhoniex7, I know I should walk and my head keeps saying that, but He's had a really tough life and I thibk the mistakes he had made can be forgiven. He doesn't know how to be close to someone but he is getting there and I want to give him every chance to be the man I know he wants to be. Am I insane or should I stick with it? I really don't know anymore!
 
I see this situation as being nothing but trouble for you. I would talk to a counselor about co-dependency and move on. There is nothing you have mentioned in your partner's behavior that would make me think he loves or even cares about you.

Why is he in prison?
 
qaz said:
Thanks for your response MoePhoniex7, I know I should walk and my head keeps saying that, but He's had a really tough life and I thibk the mistakes he had made can be forgiven. He doesn't know how to be close to someone but he is getting there and I want to give him every chance to be the man I know he wants to be. Am I insane or should I stick with it? I really don't know anymore!
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Those are HIS issues, they're not yours.

Would you put up with that type of treatment from someone who is your friend, or a member of your family?

Just because you want them to be, doesn't mean that they are, or have earned your treatment of them as such. :)
 
What if you want him to be the man he wants to be, more than he wants to be that man?

After this long, you can invite him to join you as you move on with your life. If he can't move on with you, or he won't move on with you, then you have to move on anyway. I'm sorry but I don't think he'll move on with you.

Also, if you care about someone, do you steal something from them? I must have missed that one. And I don't mean to be harsh about this guy but my boyfriend has never said to me "I love you so much I pawned your computer and cleaned out your bank account."

Also, he can't beat you. Ever. I hope that alone would make your mind up. There is probably someone out there who would really care for you and treat you right, and turn you on, and both of you can be the kind of men you ought to be, but right now he doesn't get to meet you because you are still with this violent thief.
 
dont you think you deserve a better life than this.

dont you think you are entitled to a better relationship than this.

you dont believe your b/f will all of sudden come back and be a changed person do you.

in prison he has only gotten meaner and more angry and may have had sex with someone he controlled.


you are still under his spell and are in denial and refuse to admit it. When he gets out it's back to the same shit.

If you are willing to go thru this shit again, well what can we say.

you wrote here asking for advice and many who wrote told what we all felt and it is up to you to make the right choice for your life,safety, and peace of mind.

my advice is do not allow him back in your life, home nothing. Get some help to deal with lingering issues and move on.

you deserve better..
 
Why are you making excuses for this guy? Why do you attract the coackroaches of the world? Are you so emotionally needy you can't see beyond the desire for companionship? If these two roaches had loved you, they would not have cheated on or beaten you. You need to see a mental health worker who can help you build some self esteem and to love yourself first and foremost. I would hate learn you have been beaten to death. Get out now. Get help now. God loves you and so do I.
 
I wish you well as you deal with this difficult situation. While he is still serving his time, check around and explore all options you have besides him to see what are available to you. Do consider counseling and support groups. You need to be happy for and with yourself.
 
You should be running for the door and you need to figure out why this isn't your reaction. Leave the guy and get some counseling. You need help identifying and resolving why you think it's even remotely acceptable for guys to treat you like they do.
 
Get out of there now. There is no reason that you should have to be beaten. I know that you want to see him change, then get away from him and let him know that if he cares about you he will get some help to control his anger and then come back but if he is violent in any way, you need to get out of there. As for not wanting to be alone, if he is in prison then he is not there for you.
 
Thankyou guys for all of you responses, I know I should leave it's just hard to. We've been together for 3 years now, but he has spent nearly all that time in and out of prison. When he is out he can be really loving he just always manages to mess up big time! I'm not sure why I haven't walked away already to be honest, maybe because he has nothing or no-one else in the world. Anyway you guys have been great and your comments have been really helpful so a big THANKYOU to all of you X
 
qaz said:
Thankyou guys for all of you responses, I know I should leave it's just hard to. We've been together for 3 years now, but he has spent nearly all that time in and out of prison. When he is out he can be really loving he just always manages to mess up big time! I'm not sure why I haven't walked away already to be honest, maybe because he has nothing or no-one else in the world. Anyway you guys have been great and your comments have been really helpful so a big THANKYOU to all of you X
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Thats his fucking problem if he has no one, no where to go. The reason he has nothing is because no will put up with his shit. Except you. If you want a life of misery then lay in your own nest.

If he has been in jail most of the time you have been together then that should make it easier to move on.

when are you going to WAKE UP................when it's to late??? and he has hurt you more or worse..


Did one person who wrote advice back say " oh just stay with him he loves you, he would do that again" DID THEY??????? NO.

It does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out read the writing on the wall.. Get out.............................

Because if you go back with him and he does it again ---which he will. Dont come crying over your spilled milk..
 
Your previous boyfriend was a cheater and your current one is a basher and a thief.....


change your taste in men
 
qaz said:
Thankyou guys for all of you responses, I know I should leave it's just hard to. We've been together for 3 years now, but he has spent nearly all that time in and out of prison. When he is out he can be really loving he just always manages to mess up big time! I'm not sure why I haven't walked away already to be honest, maybe because he has nothing or no-one else in the world. Anyway you guys have been great and your comments have been really helpful so a big THANKYOU to all of you X
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Repeat after me, "He's not your responsibility", "He's not your responsibility". Repeat as often as needed.

You are a victim of domestic abuse. All the research on domestic abuse says that the abuse continues to get worse unless both parties want and get professional counseling. The pattern of isolation and reliance are classic signs of domestic abuse. He's abusing you more than just physically. That's why you are having such a hard time making the right decision. Get out now and get some help.
 
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