Sticky Situation

[sodson]

Hey guys I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years now. Recently we met a guy at a club and the guy ended up going home with us. One thing lead to another and we had a threesome.We have had threesomes before(infrequently) but it was always a very mutual thing and everyone got equal amounts of attention. And we've never done anything without the other.
Everything was fine until I found out that the third guy thinks my boyfriend is hotter than me and suggested to him that they meet just the two of them sometime. I don't know why this bothers me, but it does. Probably because I was not included in the plans and that we have always been considered pretty equal.
I brought it up with my boyfriend and he said that if the other guy didn't think I was hot he wouldn't have done what he did with me. (though I did sense/feel that he gave my bf more attention). But then why would he just want to meet up with only my bf?I admit, I'm more prudish and never top or bottom for a stranger, but I don't know if this is a factor as none of us topped or bottom when we had the threesome.
I don't know what to think and what to do. Do I just let them go at it without me or be the forced in third wheel? or just nip this thing in the bud before it gets anymore messy. My bf did say that he always wants me to be there because that's what he finds hot about being with another guy... the fact that I'm there watching and doing things too.




Advice? or anymore details needed? Thanks guys.

 

[Seasoned]

You are now confronting the common problem with 3-ways. My advice would be to stick to your ground rules. This other guy may have a thing for your boyfriend or may get off on the idea that he could have some sway here over your boyfriend. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Every relationship is different. You have to be true to yourself. Do you think you'll be happy in an open relationship? Do you need to limit the 3-ways somehow, ie, no repeats? Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

 

[sodson]

You are now confronting the common problem with 3-ways. My advice would be to stick to your ground rules. This other guy may have a thing for your boyfriend or may get off on the idea that he could have some sway here over your boyfriend. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Every relationship is different. You have to be true to yourself. Do you think you'll be happy in an open relationship? Do you need to limit the 3-ways somehow, ie, no repeats? Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

I honestly don't think I would be happy in an open relationship. I would probably start feeling paranoid. And I also know that I don't want to do something with another guy unless my boyfriend is there. It feels like cheating to me if that was the case. My boyfrend has said he feels the same way because what he finds hot is the fact that he's watching me do something to another guy.

Another issue regarding this: If we were to just stop it with this guy, do you think it would be possible to just keep this guy as a friend or has that ship sailed? or potentially too messy? The other guy is around my age. My bf is older. The majority of the current friends we have are older as well. They're all successful while I'm still finding my way through life. Sometimes I really miss having someone my age and it's really hard finding gay friends that are just that.

 

[Blueboy369]

Tell your boyfriend to break the news to him. You only have threesomes together.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, just say "Yeah, we come as a set. Sorry about that."

Lex

 

[possum]

To True
your a set
stick with the rules you made
ie just threesome

 

[sodson]

Thanks guys. I'll stick to that, but even if the guy agrees to do it again, I don't know if I would. Clearly he doesn't want me there, so it would be uncomfortable for me to say the least. Well, we'll see what happens. I kind of wish the whole thing never happened because I would have liked to become friends with the guy.

 

[G-Lexington]

One question, if I may. How did you find this particular piece of information out?

Lex

 

[sodson]

My bf was washing the dishes and he heard a ding which meant he had a new voice message. We're pretty open with eachother, and sometimes he even lets me text our friends and stuff to plan get togethers since I have no text messaging. Anyways, he asks me to go see who it was and what they wanted because he was busy and his hands were wet. So I checked and it was "John" and I saw the message. Then I was like ...ugh..

 

[G-Lexington]

OK. What'd your boyfriend say/think about this?

Lex

 

[sodson]

OK. What'd your boyfriend say/think about this?

Lex

About me seeing the message? He didn't care.
As for the situation I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he assured me nothing would happen between them if I didn't consent.
Also like I mentioned, he said I shouldn't feel bad about it since he used the term 'hotter' meaning "John" finds me attractive too. But he was only planning to do meet up with just my bf. Btw, another detail John doesn't have my number.

 

[G-Lexington]

Oh, no - I didn't mean about you seeing the message. More of what did he say when HE read the message. But you've explained that pretty well.

Lex

 

[sodson]

Oh, no - I didn't mean about you seeing the message. More of what did he say when HE read the message. But you've explained that pretty well.

Lex

btw thanks for just listening. I feel better just having someone to talk to since I obviously can't talk to our real life friends about this.