Still Not Getting Any...

[glasvegas]

It's been about a year since I came out to myself and I am still as confused as it is. I am partially out in Australia, all my friends know I am gay, those who don't, they will know it eventually. I been active in the dating pool as well, I met a lot of guys and have a few flings going on in the past but somehow, I always ended up being alone.

I am not quite sure where the fault lies. Is it my problem that I am still single? The fling always started out strong, but it faded in a matter of a week and I'll never heard from them again. They disappear without giving me any reasons what went wrong, leaving me ponder, blaming myself for yet another failure. It's funny when they always said I am a nice and sweet guy and they are very interested in me. Guess not.

I am just a lil bit frustrated at the moment, all my friends started dating someone and yet I am still alone, wondering if I will spend the rest of my life being this.

 

[aaggii]

Most of us, for sure, felt the same during some time. Just meet new people, real life, online dating sites, what suits you. Eventually, someone won´t let you go

 

[mbamike]

"Still Not Getting Any" implies that you are looking for sex. There are several gay hookup sites where you can find someone to fuck you.

However, your post seems to say you are wanting a relationship too, a boyfriend perhaps. Finding a boyfriend while closeted will be difficult. Next, are you socializing where gays congregate?

You seem like a really nice guy from our interactions on here. You are very cute too. I would think there are lots of guys who would be happy to be your boyfriend. Good luck!

 

[Corny]

I am not quite sure where the fault lies. Is it my problem that I am still single? The fling always started out strong, but it faded in a matter of a week and I'll never heard from them again. They disappear without giving me any reasons what went wrong, leaving me ponder, blaming myself for yet another failure. It's funny when they always said I am a nice and sweet guy and they are very interested in me. Guess not.

Umm honey, that problem is not you. It's the standard hookup problem.

Don't make it your mission to find a partner. If you want the sex, hook up. But sure enough know, that finding a partner this way is more or less luck. In general - finding a partner is more or less luck. You can't force it. There is no need to be depressed if you can't find one right off the spot. And it doesn't say anything about you.

 

[bankside]

You are looking for hook-ups, hoping for a relationship, but getting hook-ups.

 

[treeri]

Stop dropping your pants so quick. Buy a belt.

I went on a date with a cute guy and it progressed to cuddling on his couch during a movie. It soon turned out to a make out session with his hands inside my pants, groping my dick in less than a minute. I let him give me a blowjob that night and two more in the morning; why the hell not? I didn't bother following up with a text or call the next day. I'm looking to date a guy that's more than an easy fuck. Holding off on sex with light play and teasing is great! When the moment comes it will be much more invigorating compared to an easy lay.

 

[glasvegas]

Sorry guys, I know the title is too misleading. I am not looking for hook-ups.

You are looking for hook-ups, hoping for a relationship, but getting hook-ups.

I admit you're right, I didn't look for hook-ups but I guess meeting guys from social apps does imply I am looking for hook-ups.

Stop dropping your pants so quick. Buy a belt.

I went on a date with a cute guy and it progressed to cuddling on his couch during a movie. It soon turned out to a make out session with his hands inside my pants, groping my dick in less than a minute. I let him give me a blowjob that night and two more in the morning; why the hell not? I didn't bother following up with a text or call the next day. I'm looking to date a guy that's more than an easy fuck. Holding off on sex with light play and teasing is great! When the moment comes it will be much more invigorating compared to an easy lay.

Sometimes I do pull down my pants way too fast, but I thought that's the way to keep the guy interested, by giving what he wants. I have a few encounters that the guy seem pissed off because I just want to talk.

 

[bankside]

... I guess meeting guys from social apps does imply I am looking for hook-ups.

Yep, that is all I meant.

Okay I'm the kind of person that would go to an orgy and want to start a conversation about some interesting program I saw on astrophysics. Or someone's dick would remind me of a statue I saw at a museum and I'd want to talk about it. "Hey! Your dick reminds me exactly of this statue of Priapus I saw in Berlin. You know it's quite controversial just how many statues remain in European capitals when their origins are in the mediterranean or the middle east… ultimately though I think the institutions with the best track records of historical custodianship should be allowed to keep any artefacts in their vaults."

I don't go to orgies not because I would be uncomfortable, but because it would just be awkward that I don't play by the rules of the orgy. It would be frustrating for people who just want to show up and fuck. So I don't go.

I think we have to play by the rules of the venue. Or, if the rules are boring or unpleasant, don't go. Hook-up apps have their own rules which do not easily fit people looking for a relationship.

 

[dragon08]

Try finding another place to find gay guys, like a Dating app not something like Grindr, Or go to a gay bar, maybe if you're in college, try going to the LGBT club that they got ( Or just walk into the music dept. theres always at least two gay guys around at minimum )

Or if you don't want to go to the club for gays just join a regular club with a bunch of members, chances are a couple of them will be gay, and on top of that you have similar interests

 

[hylas]

i wouldnt worry about being single after just one year. one year seems like not a long time at all.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Vince,

Good you have made this topic and I hope the answers of others were helpful. I tend to disagree with you that you are 'partially out' (in Australia), especially when you have told all your friends that they don't need to keep it secret that you are gay. Besides that, I tend to think (but please correct me when I am wrong) that you will also have contact with (several of) the fellow gay students over there, and that you don't hide that you have contacts with them. Don't forget that all female students will be aware that you are single, and that you don't show interest in them.

So just assume that you are out, and that all people around you are aware that you are gay. Towards my opinion, based on your posting over here, you are a nice and a friendly guy, and you don't seem to have problems to make friends (I remember your nice thread when visiting other JUBbers). I don't know why you have not yet found a nice (boy)friend. Have you ever decided to 'disappear' when you did not like an encounter with a guy?

I can assume very well that you just like things like talking, drinking coffee, going to the movie, having dinner together (preparing dinner together) with other gay guys, without the idea that this should end in having sex. Maybe you attract the wrong type of guys? I don't know. I can only say something from myself. For me, it would be no problem at all that we only talk with each other (for hours), when we would meet in real life.

On the other hand, its way too early to start thinking that you will end being single and alone. How about straight -guy- friends, do you have them, and do you spend time with them?

Anyway, feel free to react and also feel free to contact me through a private message.

Good luck & take care.

 

[rareboy]

I think you're looking in all the wrong places if you are hooking up and expecting romance.

It was only when I wasn't looking for a trick that I found my partner for the past 30+ years. We met where he was working and the rest as they say, is history.

 

[Kyanimal]

Vince

Trust me! It isn't YOU! It's THEM!!

Seems they were just looking for a hook up, and once they got what they wanted, they went about looking for more/different prey.

Chalk it up to experience.

When the "right" guy get's anywhere near You, you're going to have one Hell of a time getting rid of him!

And, like it's been said, that will likely happen when you aren't "looking"!

All the more reasons to ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[glasvegas]

Try finding another place to find gay guys, like a Dating app not something like Grindr, Or go to a gay bar, maybe if you're in college, try going to the LGBT club that they got ( Or just walk into the music dept. theres always at least two gay guys around at minimum )

Or if you don't want to go to the club for gays just join a regular club with a bunch of members, chances are a couple of them will be gay, and on top of that you have similar interests

The LGBT group in my uni is useless, some of the committee that runs the club are racist. I don't think it's helpful so I only went to one event and feel uninspired.

i wouldnt worry about being single after just one year. one year seems like not a long time at all.

I am 22, I know one year seems like not a long time but I am getting tired of being single.

hi Vince,

Good you have made this topic and I hope the answers of others were helpful. I tend to disagree with you that you are 'partially out' (in Australia), especially when you have told all your friends that they don't need to keep it secret that you are gay. Besides that, I tend to think (but please correct me when I am wrong) that you will also have contact with (several of) the fellow gay students over there, and that you don't hide that you have contacts with them. Don't forget that all female students will be aware that you are single, and that you don't show interest in them.

So just assume that you are out, and that all people around you are aware that you are gay. Towards my opinion, based on your posting over here, you are a nice and a friendly guy, and you don't seem to have problems to make friends (I remember your nice thread when visiting other JUBbers). I don't know why you have not yet found a nice (boy)friend. Have you ever decided to 'disappear' when you did not like an encounter with a guy?

I can assume very well that you just like things like talking, drinking coffee, going to the movie, having dinner together (preparing dinner together) with other gay guys, without the idea that this should end in having sex. Maybe you attract the wrong type of guys? I don't know. I can only say something from myself. For me, it would be no problem at all that we only talk with each other (for hours), when we would meet in real life.

On the other hand, its way too early to start thinking that you will end being single and alone. How about straight -guy- friends, do you have them, and do you spend time with them?

Anyway, feel free to react and also feel free to contact me through a private message.

Good luck & take care.

I am still partially out because only my friends know and I am pretty straight acting so no one actually suspect anything. They just assume I am not those sexually deprived college guys (only if they knew what I did before the closed door.) Yes, I like to do all the romantic stuff but I just couldn't find guys that are into the same thing as me. All of my best friends are straight, I do hang out with them way too often but I just want to go my room and there's someone waiting for me that I could snuggle with.

Just a new update, I met a guy last night. We chatted in Grindr, he put a photo of my favorite tv show, so I chatted with him a bit and discovered that we have a lot of things in common, and decided to hang out. I made him some cake (we both like to cook and bake), and we watched our favorite tv series together, finish each other sentence, and discovered that we have the exact same music taste and have the same life goal.

We decided to hang out more and see how it goes. Hopefully, everything goes well.

 

[earlgrey]

Just go with the flow and don't be expecting a relationship with every person you've met.

You need 2 people to be in a relationship, and if the other party does not want one, there's little you can do about it.

Hook-ups often say things they don't mean, but action speaks louder than words.

Good luck with the new guy, just have fun! (And I don't mean sex) And don't stress about it.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Good luck!!!

I also think that if you want to date and not hookup grindr is probably not the place to look. But I hope this guy turns into something.

 

[camjam]

Try craigslist personals if its in your country/area.

My cousin uses it alot.

 

[Kabluey]

Good luck Vince - and don't go pulling your pants down when you think there's an awkward silence or if you think a guy's losing interest.
It's not exactly a solution to what you're talking about here. Cake baking guy sounds very sweet
Keep safe.