this is long, it's probably boring, and it's definitely a personal problem without any real solution.
there are so many things going on with this guy. obviously i have a straight crush on him and it's slowly killing me from the inside. normally i'd avoid having a straight crush at all because i know nothing can come of it, but we're so alike in so many ways and he reminds me so much of me when i was still closeted that i just can't get him out of my head. we get along so well, even though i've only known him since mid summer, it feels like we've always been friends.
anyway, i've had this crush on him for a little while, and i thought i got over the worst of it a couple weeks ago due to a bit of a lull in our conversation, but a week or so ago on his birthday he started texting me and we just texted for hours about nothing, and now that happens most every day. i need to let him know that i like him, he fully supports gay rights so it should be fine, i just haven't had the right moment to say without making it seem like a big deal.
today we planned to hang out all day surfing because it had been so long since either of us had gone (crappy weather and no waves), and we went to breakfast to recharge after our first session, and he convinced me to go back out even though i didn't really want to (he's too cute, i couldn't say no). anyway i was too tired to make it through the waves so i waited on the beach for him to notice, which he did eventually and he came in.
and that's when i messed everything up.. i was so disappointed with myself for not being able to surf more that i wouldn't even talk to him. he apologized for making me go out, i apologized for being so upset, but we just kinda went home quietly instead of doing anything else, it was very uncomfortable, and i texted him another apology with a bit of humor to relieve the tension, but he hasn't responded so i just don't know how he feels, and it just seemed like we both wanted to say something and just didn't know how to, so we gave up--that's me hoping again. i know it'll end up ok, hopefully he'll text me tonight when we're both in a better mood.
but the main reason i'm posting this is because i have to get it off my chest and just say that all it takes to brighten my entire day is to talk to him, and all i want is to have him with me because even when i was upset earlier, i was still happy because he was there with me.
there are so many things going on with this guy. obviously i have a straight crush on him and it's slowly killing me from the inside. normally i'd avoid having a straight crush at all because i know nothing can come of it, but we're so alike in so many ways and he reminds me so much of me when i was still closeted that i just can't get him out of my head. we get along so well, even though i've only known him since mid summer, it feels like we've always been friends.
anyway, i've had this crush on him for a little while, and i thought i got over the worst of it a couple weeks ago due to a bit of a lull in our conversation, but a week or so ago on his birthday he started texting me and we just texted for hours about nothing, and now that happens most every day. i need to let him know that i like him, he fully supports gay rights so it should be fine, i just haven't had the right moment to say without making it seem like a big deal.
today we planned to hang out all day surfing because it had been so long since either of us had gone (crappy weather and no waves), and we went to breakfast to recharge after our first session, and he convinced me to go back out even though i didn't really want to (he's too cute, i couldn't say no). anyway i was too tired to make it through the waves so i waited on the beach for him to notice, which he did eventually and he came in.
and that's when i messed everything up.. i was so disappointed with myself for not being able to surf more that i wouldn't even talk to him. he apologized for making me go out, i apologized for being so upset, but we just kinda went home quietly instead of doing anything else, it was very uncomfortable, and i texted him another apology with a bit of humor to relieve the tension, but he hasn't responded so i just don't know how he feels, and it just seemed like we both wanted to say something and just didn't know how to, so we gave up--that's me hoping again. i know it'll end up ok, hopefully he'll text me tonight when we're both in a better mood.
but the main reason i'm posting this is because i have to get it off my chest and just say that all it takes to brighten my entire day is to talk to him, and all i want is to have him with me because even when i was upset earlier, i was still happy because he was there with me.
