"Straight" Friend Confuses me

[Jo-thin]

Sorry if this is all a mess, I'm trying to be as detailed and organized as possible

So this guy is a drummer who is always at my guitarist house. He used to be in some band but quit but he's always there to hang out but is also recording some drum parts for me because I have some side project song. Well I used to have a crush on this guy, he is built, cute, 5 o'clock shadow facial, plays an instrument, nice bubbly ass, has a very sexy accent, funny and of course turn on #1 for me, he's masculine. Weeks ago he would lay with me in bed while everyone is there and he would cuddle with me, I would yell ridiculous things to make it less awkward thinking he's gonna stop but he doesn't. He lays there with me and "seems" like he would "accidentally" pass his hand over my dick. I would avoid being hard just in case it makes it weird but I can't help because fantasies are running through my head. there were 2 moments where he mentioned sleepting with me on the same bed, both times he ended up leaving home or moving to another room because everyone was so loud.

ok So the one day we drank and me and him are the only ones up, he didn't drink because he got wasted on his birthday 2 days before, so I was drunk to see if I can even make a move on him, well we talk all night and we talk about our dick size and I said "maybe you should look at each others" and when I said that I flicked at his nipple and he just laughed it off so it made me confused on this guy and the subject was changed. Another moment after a show the band and I were in the kitchen having a serious heated up band meeting and he was there and starts to message my back, and was feeling up on my chest and no one seem to mind. Like 98% of the time it's only guys there so they get so comfortable with their sexuality that a lot of gay touching moments happen and they just rub it off.


Well recently about 4 days ago after Xmas we were talking on instant message and he says he wants to fuck something, I told him "dude we should fuck!!"
and asked "when" and I said "anytime Chico", and he responds with "lol I want some pussy" and of course that was a kill for me. Well finally after 1 month I go to band practice and he was there, He would slap my ass and I'd do it back, that same night I drank and he decided to sleep with me on the same bed well annoyingly my bassist says "we can all 3 sleep on the bed" -_-, well I slept in between and all I was thinking to make a move on him, like put my arm on him but I fear awkward rejection, so I fell asleep, and woke up about 1-2 hours later and he wasn't in bed and moved to the couch and slept there for the rest of the morning. Then everyone wakes up 2 hours later and I was laying on the couch to sleep (since I didn't get enough rest) and he comes and lays with me, so he had to be pretty damn close to lay on this couch with me and he spoons me and 4 other guys are there, he started to message my back and I told him "do you give happy endings" he says hell yeah but then my guitarist Grandpa comes home so he gets off of me. but he did somethings that made me question him even more! So now we're hungry and we were on the way to a restaurant and it was just me and him in the back seat, as I was looking out the window he grabs my hand and holds it, I didn't know how to react, whether to let go to see if he was testing me or keep it there to see what happens, well I kept it there and I look at him as he was looking out the window and he turns to look at me and I made a face like "ummmm what now" and he lets go and we laugh it off for me awkwardly. I just know he craves females, I see him on facebook on his phone talking to girls girls girls. We dropped him off one time so he can get laid >.< I just want to ask him if he's bi or gay, I know he doesn't have a problem with gays because he told me its ignorant to even hate gays, and believes in what ever makes them happy makes them happy . I just mainly posted to rant out about the situation and hear some thoughts.

Thanks for reading

 

[evanrick]

maybe hes just a happy guy. he using you for an outlet in between pussy snatching.

 

[Scottyboi]

I really hate to say this dude but he is probably straight. He certainly seems comfortable enough with his sexuality and so I'm not saying something wouldn't ever happen. But it would be 'just sex between friends'.

I have a # of straight friends who kiss each other on the lips (usually to get chicks...you'd be surprised how often this works) but we also will cuddle with each other and when we are out dancing we will grind up on each other. I've popped a hard on before and we just keep going and laugh it off.

I think this guy just *really* values you as a friend and is really close to you emotionally. Think of it like having a celibate relationship, he loves you but isn't sexually attracted to you.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what my personal experiences would suggest.

Again, something might happen but I think it would just be 'to goof off or have fun"

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmmm... you could probably save everyone a lot of confusion by just asking him.

But weren't you also in a 2 year relationship with a guy and aren't you out to most of your friends?

 

[Lube]

I disagree with all the advice given so far.

He is gay, he just has a hard time admitting it.

Girls, girls, girls. That's a sure sign of a gay guy. They don't fuck girls--they're their best friends. Big difference.

Assuming that what you say is true, he's gay or at least curious. But as Depeche Mode so eloquently says:

All I ever wanted
Or ever needed
Is here, in my arms
Words are very
Unnecessary
They can only do harm

Try to get him alone. Give him a massage. Touch him all over. Rub his ass. Don't ask permission--just do it. if he pushes back, stop. But my guess is he won't push back, at least if you start slowly.

As soon as you try to get him to say the words "I'm gay" he will back off. You're forcing him to take all the risk. Don't do that!

 

[erobert]

I agree with Lube (I'm not so sure the part of not asking permission to do something with him.) I'm going to cautiously say he's at least bi.

This sounds like a case of "I'm into guys but I don't know how/ am afraid to to admit it." How old are you? The reason I ask is younger generations are becoming more comfortable with their sexuality but a lot are still are insecure or don't know how to deal with same sex attraction and will play it down or pretend they were just joking out of fear of being labeled gay. There's nothing wrong with being gay but when someone is in the closet they are irrationally afraid of being outed.

That fear is justified if their life would be in danger or they would be kicked out of their home but IMO people in first world nations don't really care what you are anymore.

It might be a good idea to move on to someone who's out of the closet before you develop serious feelings for him and get frustrated or hurt if he's not willing to reciprocate those feelings. He might come to you when he's ready.


Hope that helps.

I have a # of straight friends who kiss each other on the lips (usually to get chicks...you'd be surprised how often this works) but we also will cuddle with each other and when we are out dancing we will grind up on each other. I've popped a hard on before and we just keep going and laugh it off.

These are things straight guys don't do with each other.

I hope people will be more honest with themselves about their sexuality and others sexuality. Listen to your body and soul (for a lack of a better word). It's trying to tell you something very important.

 

[Jo-thin]

Hmmm... you could probably save everyone a lot of confusion by just asking him.

But weren't you also in a 2 year relationship with a guy and aren't you out to most of your friends?

I do want to tell him. I always believed that asking is the only way to get a true answer even if they're denying it because obviously they don't want you to know. I just don't have the balls to do it, I wouldn;t want to kill this friendship or even not have him as my drummer for these songs I've written.

As for my bf, I was actually waiting for this comment to come up. I'm not trying to get a relationship out of it, for it will be a waste of time, my boyfriend he knows all of this because we're so comfortable about talking about this things, he's the one that motivates me do whatever you can to find out if he is gay/bi. I just admit to him I don;t plan on taking it sexually even though he wouldn't mind at all.

For me I just want to know any other closet guys thats still in the closet so we can relate to something, and he lives in another general area, so does my band. They don't know but my closest friends know. I mean since my boyfriend is out the closet, all his friends know about me and him.

I disagree with all the advice given so far.

He is gay, he just has a hard time admitting it.

Girls, girls, girls. That's a sure sign of a gay guy. They don't fuck girls--they're their best friends. Big difference.
!

I can agree that he can be bicurious, but this dude is really banging chicks! He even tries to motivate me to go to strip clubs and get chicks to dance on me lmao

 

[Jo-thin]

It's always sketchy like scottyboi & evanrick even agrees he can be straight. That house has guys so comfortable with their sexuality one of the guys will straight up pull his balls out and laugh it off like wtf!? Then talk about having girls come over and some goes into the room and bang the shit out of her. I just think so many people are so comfortable that they don't take their actions towards other guys so seriously like I do. I will take a dry hump serious thinking "hmmm he might be into me" while the other guy just took it as a random moment and never remembers that moment again.... see what I mean? sometimes us guys that lust over straight guys can over react to anything they do, we take anything literal, and that's why I don't want to fuck anything up, because I can be completely wrong and FAIL

 

[KaraBulut]

I do want to tell him. I always believed that asking is the only way to get a true answer even if they're denying it because obviously they don't want you to know. I just don't have the balls to do it, I wouldn;t want to kill this friendship or even not have him as my drummer for these songs I've written.

Well, you have to go into it with the assumption that's it is perfectly fine if he's straight, bi or gay. Why a friend- especially one that held your hand in public- would be offended that you asked him about his sexual preference is a mystery.

You can be subtle and say something like, "I wish all straight and bi guys were as cool about this stuff as you are." Or you can just put it out there like, "Can I ask you a personal question? I think you're cool and I accept you like you are because you're a friend... but are you bi?"

But here's the problem... you are in a relationship. Brushing against each other's dicks, talking about sleeping in the same bed and all this teasing is playing with fire. If this guy calls your bluff, then you may end up getting in over your head and causing problems with both your friendship with this guy and your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

[Ephemeral]

It sounds like he's a straight guy comfortable in his sexuality. I have a friend who does the same things. I thought there was something, asked him, he was straight. I didn't believe him, almost ruined the friendship.

It's becoming more acceptable for guys to be physically affectionate to their male friends. Some guys do it as a gateway to experimenting and exploring their sexuality. Other guys do it as a way to show how close y'all are. He trusts you enough to be that way.

Move on. You're already dating someone. Focus on that relationship, not a fantasy.

 

[Jo-thin]

Thanks all of you guys are really helping me realize stuff. As for me and him doing stuff sexually is something I don't want out of it at all, I just want to know if he isn't "straight" but like some of you guys said only way to get that answer is ask. Honestly if he is, in a way it'd bring us closer as friends because we something more deeper and more serious to relate to.
He most likely is that comfortable with me, I mean we do talk about everything but the bi subject seems ike something we both avoid.

 

[Lube]

Thanks all of you guys are really helping me realize stuff. As for me and him doing stuff sexually is something I don't want out of it at all, I just want to know if he isn't "straight" but like some of you guys said only way to get that answer is ask. Honestly if he is, in a way it'd bring us closer as friends because we something more deeper and more serious to relate to.
He most likely is that comfortable with me, I mean we do talk about everything but the bi subject seems ike something we both avoid.

This just sounds very dangerous.

He's certainly acting like he wants more out of it than you do. I don't spoon and cuddle with my friends if I have a monogamous relationship with my bf.

I think there's more to this than you're letting on.

Be honest with yourself. And us.