Straight friend jokes about bears and being virgin in the ass

[lurkernomore]

First of all, I haven't come out to this buddy of mine. He is 26 and single but has a child from a previous relationship. I've known him for 4 years now. I assumed he's straight because impregnating a woman has got to be some solid evidence a guy is into girls. That fact aside, he's not the very manly and confident straight guy type and is actually shy when he talks to me, but we are pretty close.

We, together with another bud, were having some beers at my house last night. When we were already tipsy he joked about being still virgin in the ass. I couldn't remember if our earlier conversations make him bring that up or if he just said it out of the blue. And in another occasion, he said my Spaniel pup is very fond of our other buddy (he is plump) because it thinks he's a "bear."

I'm the kind of gay guy who, no matter how attractive someone in my circle of friends are, puts up a wall between us if I know they're straight. You know, that sort which provides an emotional barrier to protect me from ever falling for them. But last night caused some cracks in this wall and now I can't stop thinking about the possibility that he might have some bi tendencies. I mean, I myself, didn't know much LGBT slang until I was in my 20s and I don't know straight guys that joke about receiving anal sex. Again, he was buzzed when he said that and I doubt he'd be able to joke about those things if he was sober.

I just need some advice on how to approach my curiosity about him. How do you think I could make him open up to me without coming off as sexual or suggest that I'm gay? I like the friendship that we have and I wouldn't risk it for my hunches or something that might not even be existent.

 

[jensu846]

next time he brings it up, just say something like, "You don't even have toys for your ass when you jackoff?" see how he reacts. I said that to my straight buddy one night when we were talking about jacking off and stuff, and it opened a whole new line of communication & trust between us. If he says he doesn't have anal toys for himself, suggest he try it and tell him how much better it feels when cumming. whether he's straight or bi, or gay, who wouldn't want that! Then he'll know you like anal stuff and you can take it from there.

 

[TX-Beau]

First of all, I haven't come out to this buddy of mine. He is 26 and single but has a child from a previous relationship. I've known him for 4 years now. I assumed he's straight because impregnating a woman has got to be some solid evidence a guy is into girls. That fact aside, he's not the very manly and confident straight guy type and is actually shy when he talks to me, but we are pretty close.

We, together with another bud, were having some beers at my house last night. When we were already tipsy he joked about being still virgin in the ass. I couldn't remember if our earlier conversations make him bring that up or if he just said it out of the blue. And in another occasion, he said my Spaniel pup is very fond of our other buddy (he is plump) because it thinks he's a "bear."

I'm the kind of gay guy who, no matter how attractive someone in my circle of friends are, puts up a wall between us if I know they're straight. You know, that sort which provides an emotional barrier to protect me from ever falling for them. But last night caused some cracks in this wall and now I can't stop thinking about the possibility that he might have some bi tendencies. I mean, I myself, didn't know much LGBT slang until I was in my 20s and I don't know straight guys that joke about receiving anal sex. Again, he was buzzed when he said that and I doubt he'd be able to joke about those things if he was sober.

I just need some advice on how to approach my curiosity about him. How do you think I could make him open up to me without coming off as sexual or suggest that I'm gay? I like the friendship that we have and I wouldn't risk it for my hunches or something that might not even be existent.

You start by being honest about who you are. Why should he be honest with you, if you aren't being honest with him?

 

[lurkernomore]

You start by being honest about who you are. Why should he be honest with you, if you aren't being honest with him?

I don't plan on keeping it from him for long. Just haven't got the chance. But don't you think it exciting you learn things about each other through actions and not telling anything straight up to the face? Like giving away hints and gestures. I think the tension is more fun and exciting. Lol.

 

[Seasoned]

I don't like the notion of game playing or tricking someone into admitting something I'm not willing or able to admit myself. What might have been fun as a curious or closeted teen or preteen doesn't have much appeal as an adult especially in countries that have become more open.

 

[KaraBulut]

First of all, I haven't come out to this buddy of mine....I'm the kind of gay guy who, no matter how attractive someone in my circle of friends are, puts up a wall between us if I know they're straight. You know, that sort which provides an emotional barrier to protect me from ever falling for them...

If you want to keep friends, you have those barriers with friends whether they are gay or not.

Few friendships can survive a sexual or romantic involvement... of the aftermath when one or both of you start seeing someone else.

It's a bit unfair to ponder whether a friend is gay or bicurious if you haven't come out yourself. If you want to come out to him or if you want him to come out to you, do it because you want an honest friendship, not because you want to have sex with him.

 

[TX-Beau]

I don't plan on keeping it from him for long. Just haven't got the chance. But don't you think it exciting you learn things about each other through actions and not telling anything straight up to the face? Like giving away hints and gestures. I think the tension is more fun and exciting. Lol.

No I don't. That sounds suspiciously like justification for the closet.