Nokturne
Virgin
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2006
- Posts
- 38
- Reaction score
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I'm sitting here half awake...watching Olbermann on MSNBC (he's such a fox). Work was painless but boring...it was a blur of garish colors and grabbing hands. You'd be surprised what people will buy if it's just a dollar. Like pigs at the trough.
So...I hung out with an old friend/sort of lover (Jay) last night -- and hesitantly so. I haven't seen him in years. He disappeared to Denver...trying to find sobriety. It worked for a short while...but the wandering speech and vodka breath have come back around. I choose not to lecture.
We have a rather sordid past. He was the first guy to ever hit on me in a gay bar. He was gorgeous...I was gorgeous...and the beat was good. We became friends and lovers. A lustful time for sure. Months later he moved to Virginia. I was sad and he was sad (the sight of our in-kitchen weeping must have been pitiful). A few weeks later I met a totally different guy who would become my first love and heartbreak. lol.
Anyway. I found his email address the other day and contacted him...to see if he was still alive. What a horrible thing...to not know the alive/dead status of a friend.
My friendship with Jay is very hot and cold. I enjoy his enthusiasm and naivete. I also loathe his enthusiasm and his naivete. Which is why I only hang out with him in short bursts. I am a sucker and a sentimentalist. Let's tie one on for old time sake. Right? Hmmm. Why on earth would I want to hang out with somebody who drives me crazy half the time? I guess deep down inside I am afraid to admit that I use him just as much as he uses me. He is reasonably attractive -- though weather beaten. He kisses me about the cheek and neck. Tells me how hot I am...whatever that means. And if the mood is right, he'll jack or suck me off in my car. I guess that's a reasonable payoff for a night of annoyance.
However...the night in question didn't end with an orgasm. As we sat in my car I often found myself staring at the evening world through my peripheral vision...feeling embarassed and worried about the person sitting to my right. He was mostly drunk -- lost in his own mind and the music. Rubbing on my legs and crotch. I only got half-hard...and after a few open mouthed kisses I decided to go home.
He called me today while I was at work. To see what I was up to (working duh) and to abruptly profess his love for me. I was immediately confused and turned off. I felt like everyone was staring at me and my awkard moment. I told him I had to go...and that we would talk later. I haven't picked up the phone (eek).
Right now I am also half-wishing that I hadn't picked up that can of worms...and foolishly opened it.
So...I hung out with an old friend/sort of lover (Jay) last night -- and hesitantly so. I haven't seen him in years. He disappeared to Denver...trying to find sobriety. It worked for a short while...but the wandering speech and vodka breath have come back around. I choose not to lecture.
We have a rather sordid past. He was the first guy to ever hit on me in a gay bar. He was gorgeous...I was gorgeous...and the beat was good. We became friends and lovers. A lustful time for sure. Months later he moved to Virginia. I was sad and he was sad (the sight of our in-kitchen weeping must have been pitiful). A few weeks later I met a totally different guy who would become my first love and heartbreak. lol.
Anyway. I found his email address the other day and contacted him...to see if he was still alive. What a horrible thing...to not know the alive/dead status of a friend.
My friendship with Jay is very hot and cold. I enjoy his enthusiasm and naivete. I also loathe his enthusiasm and his naivete. Which is why I only hang out with him in short bursts. I am a sucker and a sentimentalist. Let's tie one on for old time sake. Right? Hmmm. Why on earth would I want to hang out with somebody who drives me crazy half the time? I guess deep down inside I am afraid to admit that I use him just as much as he uses me. He is reasonably attractive -- though weather beaten. He kisses me about the cheek and neck. Tells me how hot I am...whatever that means. And if the mood is right, he'll jack or suck me off in my car. I guess that's a reasonable payoff for a night of annoyance.
However...the night in question didn't end with an orgasm. As we sat in my car I often found myself staring at the evening world through my peripheral vision...feeling embarassed and worried about the person sitting to my right. He was mostly drunk -- lost in his own mind and the music. Rubbing on my legs and crotch. I only got half-hard...and after a few open mouthed kisses I decided to go home.
He called me today while I was at work. To see what I was up to (working duh) and to abruptly profess his love for me. I was immediately confused and turned off. I felt like everyone was staring at me and my awkard moment. I told him I had to go...and that we would talk later. I haven't picked up the phone (eek).
Right now I am also half-wishing that I hadn't picked up that can of worms...and foolishly opened it.