Stuck in a way of thinking

[bankside]

Maybe you are not meant to enjoy casual relationships. Maybe they seem a little too trivial to you? Even when you're just exploring and testing the waters...

I dunno...

If you have enjoyed the benefits of a serious relationship, it is hard to settle for anything less than that... maybe you do have a future with this guy? If you think you might not, maybe you should find out. If you know you do not, maybe you should move on and make room for someone who could stick around for a while, male or female.

 

[slickery]

Simple, if you want it casual then keep it casual.

Easiest way to do this, is to set boundaries for yourself. Like how many times a week you see him. Talk to him about his expectations.

It's best to discuss your concerns with him though even though you might not want to. Let him know where you stand. Otherwise casual can quickly turn to complicated as you might do something, or not do something that could create a rift

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Best bet - take him on board. Let him know it's something you're having a bit of problem with, and that you're working on it. Otherwise, this confusion might be misread as something that it isn't. And perhaps he can help you enjoy the casualness of it.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I suppose I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone else. There are so many life changing things in my life that I'm a bit overwhelmed at times. One relationship ending, the coming out process, graduating soon and having to grow up, etc. I don't want to end things with him; I just want to be able to enjoy the casual nature of this relationship for what it is instead of what it isn't.

Guys are pretty interesting. We have a rough time talking about what we're feeling but we sure as hell don't have a problem acting out our feelings.

Unless this guy is as dense as lead, he probably has picked up on your actions and he's wondering what is going on in your head.

So, sit down. Have a State of Our Relationship talk and tell him (print it out and read it if you must):

The problem is that I was in a serious relationship for so long that I have almost forgotten what it is like to be in one that is a little more casual and less invasive. Because of this, I get insecure and worry about things way too much. This worry get in the way of enjoying the relationship for what it is. I also think this leads to me having fluctuating interest in this guy. Sometimes I'm really into everything, and other times I just cool off on the whole idea. I also think part of this may be fear of getting hurt again.

 

[conrad]

Sex ought to be pure joy. Therefore, wise persons avoid those things which make sex a hassle.

 

[cityboi]

I met a bi guy about two years ago. He was living with his girlfriend and still does off and on. I'm gay and don't want a monogomous relationship, so this combination has been ideal. This guy and I are total opposites as far as age, education, problems with the law, etc. Yet, we understand each other and respect our differences. It's been a pleasure for both of us.

 

[LoveIsNow]

If you don't want a casual relationship, then get out of this one, and find the kind you're looking for. It isn't terribly hard.