Stuck in the closet :-(

[jockboy01]

Hey Sk8, first off, welcome to JUB!! There are many people on here that are in similar situations to your own. And I don't think anybody would tell you to quit skating if that's something you like to do. I think the two are definitely reconcillable.

First off, you're 18 and so you have a lot of time ahead of you. Don't worry that this is the end of the world right now. It may seem that way, but you have a lot of years left so there is no need to rush anything, especially not coming out or being with a guy for the first time.

While I'm not sure where you live, if it is a big city, it is totally possible to have "2 lives". That is, to have the life you live now and then a "gay life". The two don't need to intersect at all. I realze that being a pro skater is a bit more difficult than for somebody who doesn't have the recognition, but I assure you, not everybody knows you. I did the two lives thing for a long time (and to an extent, still do). Some people told me it was unhealthy, but for me it worked.

As I said, you're young. As you get older I think you'll find that there are places where it doesn't matter if you're gay or not. And sure, it might be the big buzz for a while. But inevitably, there will be some other scandle in life, and people will just forget about it. It only is a big deal if you make it so.

Anyway, welcome to JUB!! I think you'll find that the guys on here are pretty cool and it is a safe place for you!

 

[mabby7]

hi ... i'm sorry that you are going through that ... i wish i knew what you could do ... but i'm not qualified to say ...

hopefully someone out there can give advice ...

anyways ... it's so cool that you've gone pro ... and so young too ... how old were you when you started?

and also welcome to JUB ...

 

[mabby7]

oh, since i was a baby, before i can remember

wow ... i guess it's best to start young ...

so ... um ... about your situation ... when did you first think that you liked guys? ... and do you have a crush on anyone? ...

 

[runner]

Sk8, Welcome. Many pro athletes are gay. And many skaters are gay .

 

[mabby7]

Ive known since I was about 11 I guess. I have a few crushes on friends of mine, and I see lots of hot guys at the events I go to.

oh .. ok ... cool ...

so ... um ... well ... do you like girls as well? ... have you had any girlfriends? ...
also ... what do you think people's reactions would be if you told them about you? ...

 

[mabby7]

If I came out, I would lose a majority of my sponsors, sales of my merch and apparel could drop. My parents are my managers, and my skating is the main source of income. It makes it especially hard.

oh .. my ... this is hard ...
i'm so sorry you have to go through this ...

sometimes i think ... why does the world have to be so cruel ...

 

[Boogerqueesha]

Hey Sk8, welcome! I know exactly how I feel about your situation, consider it a little, 'kay?

My advice is, come out. When I told a friend of mine that I'm gay, awhile ago, she asked me how I planned to go about life. "Make myself a name," I said, "then go public." She told me that was stupid. And she was right. Here's why:

Think about all the people who made it big, then came out of the closet. All those rock stars, the ex-governor of New Jersey, actors, all of them. Anderson Cooper, when the time is right.

What difference did they make? They proved to the world that gay is something dirty, something to keep hidden. They proved by example that publicly gay people can't succeed. You must succeed first, and then be gay. It's a rule.

Making it big is hard when you're public, it's true. But if you ARE public, and you DO make it, you are a TRUE hero. Not only will you force people to open their minds, but you'll smash gay stereotypes into the ground, and prove that gays live in all walks of life. Skating is too 'macho' for what society thinks gays *should* be, but are you gonna let that keep you down, keep you hiding?

Somewhere out there, there's a little skater kid skinning his knees. He doesn't know yet, that he'll go pro one day... and he also doesn't know that he's gay yet. Make the world a better place for that kid. Make it so that when he grows up, he doesn't have to hide, like you've had to.

Come out, hold your head up high, and SKATE! Cause I bet you have a ton of things that are more unique about you than the fact you're gay, your skill and interest in skating being one for sure.

Coming out will make you happier psychologically- I think you know that. You're using your career as a reason against it, but I think it's all the more reason to come out ASAP! It'll give your life meaning, I think. The skating scene may not be stereotypically gay, but it's not horribly conservative, either. They're not gonna hang you from a tree, and I don't think you'd let them make 'gay' what primarily defines you as a person.

But if you don't want to, hey. Your choice completely. I just really wanted to let you know my take on it. I think that with a little courage, you have the chance to do a lot of good.

I think you'll find that the people here will be with you, no matter what you choose to do, though.

 

[Smitho]

Hi. It is a tough situation you are in, and if you think the sponsors will drop you, (with this being the income for you and your folks) I would not come out, but are you sure they are going to drop you? I don't know much about skating to be honest, but why are you so sure? Its not that weird these days to be gay, in fact its pretty normal. Is it really such a biggie in the world of skating? There are also loads of businesses chasing gay customers, would they be interested?

Welcome again and good luck.

 

[WYSIWYG]

I would guess, being in the advertising business, that if your present sponsors dropped you, you could find replacements!

As I said in my previous post, "can't" is a terrible word to use and will forever limit you and who you are! I played the "I can't come out of the closet gig" for most of my adult life! In the end, I was unhappy doing what others "wanted" me to do, or be what they "wanted me to be".

While you are young, before you now it, you will be older and then you will sit down and say "where did my life go?" Life is too short to cut yourself short in being who you are and being happy. Whether your str8 or gay does not matter!

Explore possibilities instead of "can't"! You would be surprised the support you would get!

 

[luminum]

You skate for a living. Do you think you'd be a worse skater because peopel knew you were gay?

Really think about it. It might make you less popular to some assholes, but it could never stop you from competing or skating.

That's probably the easiest way to integrate these two people you find yourself being forced to split into.

 

[Smitho]

I have been thinking about this, and while you may not want to come out in public, why not come out in private to close family and close friends who will keep it quiet. This would allow you to lose the clautrophobic feeling of always being in the closet and also would allow you the chance to have a bf as with these people involved, they could cover in public for you.

Just a thought?

 

[Soilwork]

Meh..

I mean I get it.. it's hard to come out for anyone.

I'm sure that anyone in the public eye is going to have a rough time of it.

Tell me.. first of all, how long do you plan on keeping this career? Are you planning on doing it your whole life? you think you can keep it bottled up for that long?

Do your parents know? Do you have any gay friends?

Sorry to be giving you the thrid degree there, but I'm kinda interested to know how in the closet you are and how long your prospects of having to stay there are.

 

[backpacker]

If your parents know or you are willing to tell them, maybe they could start looking for some gay friendly sponsors. I can accept that some sponsors would drop you because you are gay (sucks), but I'm sure there are other sponsors who would see it as a great marketing opportunity. There are some former pros in other sports who have recently come out and they have more marketing opportunities now than they did when they were playing.

 

[Soilwork]

I've got an idea...

TEAM FRATMEN.

(grabs his scratch pad and begins to list marketing ideas)

 

[Soilwork]

well that's a start, isn't it?

Honestly, you can probably make a nice bundle jsut sticking it out for a few years and then writing a book about it, but I think for your present mental state of mind you need to at least start to build yourself a home base... you don't have to tell Mom and Dad, although it's a good place to start... but maybe a friend or two?

How about keeping in touch with those guys you meet at special events?

 

[iosif2]

Hey Guy,

Welcome aboard. Anonymity is your protection here, and it will give you a chance to get some awesome feedback plus the chance to see into the lives of other gay and bisexual guys. Just being here at JUB suggests that you are taking your first baby steps at coming out. I think the suggestion that was made to come out in private was a good one and very plausible. It could include your parents or just a few friends. Who says that coming out has to be a grand announcement to the world? It will only be a major issue if you make it one and throw it into the public eye. The public probably would'nt want you to make a big deal of it anyway. As long as your sponsors don't have to make it an issue, I don't think they really care either. You deserve to be who you are with the chance to express yourself accordingly, but you don't have to walk around with a sign on saying "I'm Gay". Start slowly and by the time your skating days are drawing to an end you be be on better ground to come out to the extent you desire. Also take into consideration that not everyone recognizes you. I, for one don't know any professional skaters, so if I bumped into you on the street, I'd say "excuse me" and move on (ok maybe I'd give you a once over glance, but you get the picture.). It's possible that you might make good friends with people on this site with whom you could arrange to meet in your travels. Keep the faith, my friend. Your days of glory are still ahead of you. Peace.

 

[nsguy2]

Wow, alot to shoulder for a young man just starting his adult life.

I don't think you have to worry about anyone here trying to force you out and alot of these guys have some excellent advice to give. Advice that's based on personal experience - not cliches and politics.

So good luck, hang in there and keep us updated as these people do care...trust me

Patrick

 

[Soilwork]

Cool.. see.. just coming to JUB and he's got a peer to share stories with. It's the Power of Jub.

 

[Blueboy369]

Dude,
Congrats on taking the first step. This is a great place to make new friends and let off some steam. Because of your pro status I suggest that you keep things private for now. It really is nobodys buisness anyway. There are many people here who have been in show business (both in front and behind the scenes) but don't disclose that info. Welcome to a place where you can be yourself.
Take care,

Blueboy369.

 

[G-Lexington]

Just adding to the pile of "Welcomes" and "you're not alones". Best of luck to you.

Lex