Submissive straight guy contemplating bottoming for a BDSM Dom/Master

[Benvolio]

I suggest that you review the escorts of your city in Rentboy.com. Many say they have experience in domination and/or S/M. Select one who seems to fit your expectations, and tell him what you want him to do. Explore your fantasies. There can be no doubt that at the end of that short experience you will have a much much better understanding of your fantasy. An escort has the advantages that you can choose the type you want, choose the experience, without a long term commitment and stop it short if you wish.

 

[luckynumbah7]

@op,

I'm late to the party and, oddly enough, I vote for Benvolios suggestion of an escort. Both for the reasons he's listed and from what I can tell, how you've put yourself out there to find a dom is going to seriously hurt you. You say six months training is the norm - I dunno who you've talked with but not only is 6 months not any norm I've heard of in a healthy relationship, with sub training the skillset you learn with one person may very well be mostly changed or modified with another if/when you change people.

Bdsm isn't cookie cutter when you get beyond "how do you tie effectively" and things like basic first aid in case something goes amiss. It isn't like perusing craigslist for specific fetishes since bdsm tends to involve high emotion in controlled settings. Things can go very wrong very quickly which is why there is no set training schedule. Can't stress that enough.

It's a work at all partners pace type of thing, everyone has a different pace with new partners whether they're experienced or not because a good dom, or sub or switch for that matter takes time to learn instead of ignoring basic common sense in favor of an orgasm. It often takes months of slow, consistent and constant communication to get to a mental and emotional point where you won't break each other mentally by accident, let alone messing with boundaries and soft limits on purpose. Six months is just not enough time for a healthy experience when you're trying to shove yourself through and learn everything at once. There's not even a set way to experience a single fetish, all of it should be negotiated or discussed in some form.

If you ignore the escort suggestion, look for Doms that DONT insist it's their way or the highway at first contact. Demands on your person before you've even met should be judged harshly. Ime it's the ones that treat you like an equal when discussing limits, what you're looking for out of the experience et cetera that can tell fantasy from reality. It's a skill that's sadly lacking, particularly after Fifty Shades of Shit came out. And don't go back to someone if they keep breaking limits and claim it was an accident, for the love of god. Explaining how you need to be careful would be much easier if you were raised female, at this point in your life half of it would already be self explanatory from past history. Bdsm tends to attract the worst of men because of the extreme fantasy/reality possibilities and the stereotypes of both the sub and dom roles.

 

[luckynumbah7]

*if you join fetlife and type in your city in the search box you should find local munches in your area.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Oh, yeah, full disclosure blah blah blah and all that rot, I tend to sub. It's just, if you're looking to find someone via online there's considerably more pitfalls than feeling them out in person.

 

[luckynumbah7]

And forgot the rest of the questions. Yes you can ask for references depending on what and who you're looking for. Tho it's easier just to look at their groups/friends/new-old partners list online (or who is sitting at their table. and chat with several for a bit and ask their opinions. Getting opinions is not an unusual thing, at least where I'm at. Munches are excellent for that as well, less awkward talking to a person about someone else's personal matters face-to-face Don't bother listening to the many and varied refrains and recommendations from the mid twenties 'just found the scene and it's My Spiritual Self (despite the inability to keep their body parts to themselves) and/or mid-life-crises Doms though, I believe they find each other quick and tend to give each other kudos. K Wait to find decent Doms before you decide to take their word on others, that way you at least know it isn't a 'bros b4 hos' take-advantage situation.

Not everyone does contracts. Usually when I see contracts branding of some sort or collars are on the way but I don't think that's what you're looking for? If it's a business deal-like situation an escort could teach you the self-care and safety basics with a, ahem, rundown of whatever you're interested in. It might be better to confirm at least the generalities that you'd enjoy before looking for a dom. Makes it easier to find someone when you know what your looking for.

 

[Telstra]

Just curious,
are you a well off person like a manager or a CEO
or a person who tell other people what to do all the time ... etc ?

 

[Deandbn]

My tuppeny's worth.. I am a master to 1 slave and 1 sub.. and have been for +-5 years now. I do not have contracts and dont believe they are necessary.. My slaves trust, respect, and obey me because they want to and the trust/respect was earned by myself over a considerable period of time. To me, the relationship should be a win/win situation.. I am very proud of the fact that I have used my leadership abilities to lead it (the slave, that is) to study part time and attain more than one extra diploma as well as improve it's body with training from me. It (the slave) is also very proud of it's achievements.

I think that the OP needs to explore and gain experience in the community generally then dip it's toes in the water for short periods until it learns to swim.. probably with a personal trainer (paid escort) to start. All this as already said by other posters in this thread.

 

[Latimer]

Benvolio has given excellent advice. On of the best things about hiring a professional (that is, an escort) is that you set the terms of the scene. You may just find out that your fantasy is better than the reality, and with little of the anxiety that you seem to be going through.