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Suicidal thoughts!

silentalk

silentalk

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Yup! I'm pathetic! Doesn't really matter.

Don't worry, I probably won't kill myself by tomorrow or next week or even next month, but the thoughts ARE getting stronger. I've had these thoughts for years now, but only recently have they got serious.

You know the sad part? The ones I love and who claim to love me back won't miss me a lot. My death would probably be just a bad afternoon or something.

The pain? Oh, no words can express the way I'm feeling right now. And please don't tell me I need therapy! This is something else! I've already been to a few. The best therapist told me that I was in a very lonely place right now, and he's spot on!

I don't even know why I'm writing.

All dreams burst into flames and turned into ash.

C ya around :cry:
 
"Something good will surely come as long as you keep on living." -- Hayao Miyazaki

I know I'm just some stranger on the Internet, but I've gotta say, I'd miss you if you decided to end it all. :(
 
Not all therapists are created equal. A good one would have already put you in touch with a psychiatrist and as an MD would be able to evaluate for depression or other illness. A good therapist would come into the picture, if needed, after a diagnoses.

There is no one who stopped themselves from suicide who regretted that decision.

There are people here who would read your difficulties if you'd care to share them.
 
From someone who is a Mental Health counselor (LPC) and someone who struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts I feel that I should share this. "Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem". Please go to your doctor and get on an anti-depressant. It does help. If not for Effexor I'd be a basket case. Remember that it can take 4-6 weeks for you to feel better so give the medication time to get built up in your system. Not sure what the problem is but nothing can be so bad that the world would be better off without you. If you are unhappy with where you are in your life, take stock and figure out where you WANT to be and then go about making a plan to get there. Also, keep going to a counselor. If not the one you mentioned then another. Find a good fit and then SHARE!!! Can't help you if you won't communicate what is going on in your head or your life. Best of luck. Please keep us informed of how you are doing.
 
You need to get serious suicide counselling now.

There are stickies to point you to resources in a lot of communities and I'll bet that almost any one of them would try to connect you to something in your community.

I'll be watching your posting history in all the forums from this point on.
 
I was in a very bad way back in the spring of 2009 and even attempted suicide. Came back home and with the support of family was treated by a new doctor, went to counseling, and was on medication. Things were going well on the medical side and with the depression. Worked my way off the medication and life went on.

However, I can feel things beginning to slip backward again with the problems going on in my life with trying to find a permanent job and income worries and such. What did I do? I called up my doctor and asked him to write a scrip for the anti-depressant once again as I felt that I needed to go back on before I got too far down that slope. Do I enjoy being on the medication? No. Do I wish I could function without it? Yes. Will I get there? I sure hope so. But until I do and until I feel like I have everything put together in my life, I will use the medication to help and to be able to function in society.

Don't wait. Don't wait like I did in the beginning thinking that you are less than a man, less a human being being because you can't handle the stuff yourself. Even the strongest amongst us need help once in a while. The medication is there to help and your doctor is there to help and the counselor is there to help. Use all of the crutches you can until you feel you are able to walk once again.

If I can do it I think you can too. Good luck to you.
 
Thanks for all your replies.

FL Farmboy24, your comment made me cry.

anchihiro, I wish I could tell you, but it's more of a life story than a simple short story or incident. It's too complicated to write down in one session.
 
what are you talking about man? suicide is never a solution to your problems, only a weak man would do it, don't be weak. think possitive, think about all kinds of problems other people have and how lucky you are being who you are. please go see a proper therapist and follow his instructions, life is shit trust me i know it well, but there are these small unexpected things that make you feel happy, they are worthless. please think about it well, you need to talk to someone, why don't you share your problem with us? i'm sure someone can give you good advice. i'm sure i'll miss you too if you do something crazy
 
some of us have been there and come through the other side, if u wanna talk about it shoot me a PM, a life story isnt something that turns me off either :p

heh, its funny, i kindah feel like i could help, but i know that back when i went through it there was no one in the world that could've helped me, no matter how much experience they had... oh well, talking helps and maybe i could offer the odd insight here and there.
 
silentalk said:
Thanks for all your replies.

FL Farmboy24, your comment made me cry.

anchihiro, I wish I could tell you, but it's more of a life story than a simple short story or incident. It's too complicated to write down in one session.
Click to expand...

hi silentalk. i had a friend who took his own life many years ago, and to this day i dont understand why. There is NOTHING so bad that you cant fix. I dont care what it is. Sometimes it isnt easy to fix or get past, but its ALWAYS possible, even if it doesnt seem like it right now. You need to just talk to people about it. You can start here or with someone in your life that you can confide in. If any of your problems are about your sexual orientation, this seems to be a good place to talk as im discovering. And if its something else, thats ok too. People care about you whether or not they know you. As a fellow human being, i love you, so please do not take yourself away from the world. Deep down i think you know its not the right thing to do, you just gotta stay convinced. :)
 
thanks again for all your replies

Chace, I AM weak. I'm sorry to say. I've been withered because of years and years of emotional abuse by almost every close person. But that doesn't matter now. Thanks for being there.

Glasvegas, can't. I wish I could though. Maybe soon.

pai_mei I'll send you a message now.

ladude, thanks to you too, but, unfortunately there are somethings that are bad enough you just can't fix. I'll have to agree though that nothing is worth suicide. Your words, among the words of a few others, were kind enough to make me calm down. Thanks :)

Again, thank you everyone. I feel calm enough for the time being. Your comments helped, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
 
I'm really not sure what to say but am compelled to post. Your pain comes through your posts. You aren't as weak as you think. It took some courage to post. Give yourself credit for that. And each human being that posted (because a living, breathing human is behind each screen name) each of us took time from our day to post because we care.

I don't know you. But I do know you are a person. For those that believe in god, god made you and your life is precious. For agnostics, you are a.life that came from the randomness of the universe, and that makes your life precious. For me, you are someone in pain and like others here, my instinct is to care and help. Because I am writing this, it would affect me deeply if you were to kill yourself.

I have been in that dark place. For me, knowing what it would do to my son kept me from acting. I don't know what can give you the strength to keep going. But please find it. Please don't do it. You've posted and now there are people thinking about you.

Please call a help line if you reach the precipice. They can help you back.

I wish I could.really help more than just posting. I really do. (*8*)
 
silentalk said:
thanks again for all your replies

Chace, I AM weak. I'm sorry to say. I've been withered because of years and years of emotional abuse by almost every close person. But that doesn't matter now. Thanks for being there.

Glasvegas, can't. I wish I could though. Maybe soon.

pai_mei I'll send you a message now.

ladude, thanks to you too, but, unfortunately there are somethings that are bad enough you just can't fix. I'll have to agree though that nothing is worth suicide. Your words, among the words of a few others, were kind enough to make me calm down. Thanks :)

Again, thank you everyone. I feel calm enough for the time being. Your comments helped, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
Click to expand...

I think that maybe you still need to get the professional assistance suggested in order to deal with the emotional and mental health issues you have.

Please seek out this assistance as soon as you can.
 
I understand what you're going through. Not necessarilly because I went through it (I'm depressed sometimes but not really suicidal) but because a very close friend of mine went through it. That friend tried many times to hurt himself. One time I was on the phone with him when he attempted it. Me. The person that tried to help him every day.

Anyways, he's now OK, and living a great life. Yesterday and today may all suck, but what about tomorrow? You don't know what will happen; you never will if you don't live it.

The sadness that you feel may be strong, but taking such a permanent solution to a temporary problem would not be wise. Don't give up. Take the little strength you have to reach out to your community, and get support. I'm glad you're starting here.

(*8*)
 
Wow! To be honest I knew that people will reply to this, but I didn't know that the emotions will be so strong.

Thank you all and thank you I-Like-Dudes and NCDogGuy for your latest comments that affected me emotionally.

And thank you rareboy for being of help always for everyone who needs it!

If anything changes, I'll hopefully let you know. For the time being, I'm stable.
 
We are all glad you feel stable. But please don't skip trying to find a psychiatrist who can help you. Stable is the immediate goal. Well done.

Happiness is the ultimate goal.

Keep in touch. People are rooting for you.
 
We are here for you and the goal is that you'd be there for yourself. You have said that you have long term issues and you have now experienced an ebb in their intensity.

I hope your goal is to take some action while you're feeling a bit better. Your head is clearer and you'd be more open to suggestion than when you're at your lowest.

You have cheerleaders here, hoping you'll take the next steps.
 
thank you seasoned. Yes, it's a long term issue, and I'm taking some steps already.

Thanks to my cheerleaders ;)
 
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