Suicide(but not what you think)

[ashonfire]

Sounds very similar to how I felt just a few years ago, I was depressed for about four years, it was horrible but it's a distant memory now.

Not sure what made it go away a few things that might have helped were cutting back my drinking and giving up drug use (I wasn't massively into drugs anyway but I was a very big drinker) and just trying to be generally healthy as well as making positive steps to changing everything I didn't like about life.

I think the final thing thet helped push depression away was asserting my own independance in my life, I went backpacking across Europe by myself and when I came back I moved out of home and it feels great.

 

[KennyD]

As a "Manic" and "Clinical" Depression patient in the past ... I know that it can really take it's toll ... especially when you are all alone and lonely ....
However; I found that taking control of my life and doing things - going places helped .... Living on my own and inserting my personal independence was a big plus ; BUT then i was alone in the evenings etc ... SO, I get roommates ... and I tell them up front that I'm looking for "Friends" to maybe hang out with , watch tv, go out to eat etc .... watch a good DVD etc with now and then ... and, it seems to work for the most part .....
Of course, there are the times when you might end up falling for one of them who does not care for you ... then .... you have some problems BUT need to deal with them faster than I do ..lol ..
In the end, it all comes down to we are Each in charge of our own lives and what we make of them ... FREE WILL is an amazing thing . It gives us the right to make Wrong AND Correct decesions and to learn from them ..

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You have reached a stage, where you want to create a new self. You simply want to re-invent yourself, re-arrange your priorities and set yourself a set of new goals and objectives.

I do this regularly, every 5-7 years. I change a number of things in my life that I am not anymore really happy with. In the meantime, I never think of it as of any pain anymore. Not even an effort, actually. It comes in perfectly naturally to me.

For the first timers, it is not that easy. You want to set yourself a set of reasonable and achievable goals. Equally so, you want to make it very clear to yourself that not everything depends on you but that whatever is in your power will be done.

You can improve on your dietary habits.

You can force yourself, if need be, to hit the gym 4-5 times a week.

You can quit smoking and you can stop drinking.

You cannot decide to find a new BF. He has a say in it, too.

But you can do everything conceivable to find him.

You cannot decide to find a new, better job. Someone else has got to employ you.

But you sure, can try and send your applications to a number of prospective employers.

---

Decide that you will do your absolute utmost and that you will hold yourself responsible for that part. The rest is beyond your control and thus, not within your realm of responsibility.

So, get going...

SC

 

[_AJ_]

Tell us more about you

nobody is going to be mean

 

[vamp]

When I was in the 5th grade, I was judged to be clinically depressed by my psychiratrist. I think what caused that was my father passing away. (I was such a daddy's boy back then) Thoughts of suicide flooded my mind everyday. I tried to act joyful and happy around other people, but when I was alone, I couldn't ever start crying. Eventually, I just learned to control it.Every now and then I'll another spell, but it's nothing like it was.

 

[jcaster42987]

having too much time to think can be painful, I know that from experience. Now I seem to think about things whenever im not talking to someone. Ive done so much thinking that I even pushed religion out because im sure I can logically remove it, its just hard to believe in anymore. I roll in and out of depression, it seems like everytime I hit a new low, I level off and get used to it and end up looking more and more detatched from life.


What I found helped me so far is try to physically improve yourself, just for the sense of achievement. Start lifting weights, and running, see how far you can push yourself to see what you are capable of and then excel further. It should help boost some confidence too. Id say that is a nice first step.

 

[thephoenix]

We all have been in a dark place like this. First things first, swipe suicide off your list. That's not what you want to do. You say you want to be a different version of yourself and that is doable. It sounds spiritual to me. You can die a spiritual death in my opinion and be reborn as a new person. Look at Madonna. Point is, people grow and see a need for change and they make it happen. But if you choose suicide, there is no more change except that final one. Now you have the opportunity to do so much because you know you want a change.

 

[drhladnjak]

no offense,and sorry for that tragic event.. but is it even possible to be diagnosed with "clinical depression" while in 5th grade?

It's a sad story, but as someone interested in the state of psychiatric diagnoses today, my interest peaks when i hear something like that.

I don't see why it's not possible. Presumably, children are capable of exhibiting psychiatric symptoms originating in a chemical imbalance in the brain. I imagine the specific expression of symptoms would be different for a kid than an adult, but general things like changes in sleep patterns, performance at school (on in the case of an adult, work) and enjoyment of activities are probably universal. I'm sure treatment is also rather different since most SSRIs, for example, are not indicated for young children (even with teens there's been a higher incidence of suicide while on these drugs).

 

[gameboy 11]

Right now my life kind of sucks. My cousin's girlfriend has him wrapped around his finger and we're no longer friends. That means I no longer can go over there (peacefully) and chill with my other friends. I know it sounds silly and yeah I could just call to see what they're up to but I just don't want to. I also pass up opportunities to go to a friend's house and play the GameCube (which I want to). Okay, I'm done.


Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I feel really hollow inside too. But this is usually all the time. But for some reason, when I'm in class I don't feel that way so much. I also believe that my future will be very bright but I don't think I should be "holding on" for that, you know? I just want the feeling to go away. Friends that come over would be nice but that still wouldn't fix me...

 

[bluedragon4]

I don't know how old you are but a lot of responses on here were from young gay men who have tried suicide or really thought about it and please give it time. I felt the same way when I was under 21 and your mind is still growing. I don't know how to put it but it seems more like a chemistry in the brain issue when you are younger. Once I got a little older I didn't have that i'm scratching to get out of my skin feeling.

 

[Justice Smith]

"I laughed, I cried"
- A Manic Depressive.

I'm in a bit of a similar situation at the moment, but not at the point you are yet, maybe i won't go in that direction, who knows.

I've accepted my own mortality and yet at times i fear my own death, irrationally i guess, at other times i sit staring at the walls wondering why i even bother thinking but it's all i seem to do. At the moment it seems i can't get out of my pattern of staying up all night doing nothing.

I have no friends anymore, i'm a bit of a slow starter, don't make real friends till the final year such was primary and high school. even then it's not like these friendships continue past that phase of school.

I know everyone, but no-one knows me and it distracts me from everything.

The two true passions in my life i have to push aside to become something i don't want to become, and yet i take no action to hinder that progression. I constantly feel a void of emptiness inside, even now it feels like there's a vacuum cleaner stuck through my back and sucking my life out from the inside.

I have so much time to myself that i often think so deeply that it feels as if my head will implode...mainly about the creation of the universe, what was there before it was it all just black, did black exist, how long did nothing go on for, what happens when i pass on, what happens tomorrow, what happened yesterday.

I spend so much time being what i want that i alienate chances to be what other people want, to know what they want.

I finally have everything i thought i wanted, i don't share a room with anyone anymore, I'm finally alone, but i'm too alone.

Nobody notices my unhappiness, i don't want to burden them with it, or maybe i'm afraid to change, i like things the way they are at home, i like being by myself, and not being bothered by my family and their materialistic wants.

I don't drink or smoke but i kill myself through other means, poor nutrition and all that.

I want to change but i want to be myself, i don't even have to be my real self, even then i typed real gay self but felt the urge to delete it, it is me but it says nothing about the way i act.

I put up a front at times that i'm a narcissists but that's just for comedy value as i have no real reason to be.

When i do have friends i spend all my time trying to make them laugh and for a while that works out fine, but then my schtick becomes stale and i barely elicit the reaction that i hope for, the one thing that keeps me happy.

I know that my grandfather will pass on soon and yet i persist on not seeing him, he's grown so frail lately, and i don't want to remember him as someone who knew he was dying, i want to remember him as someone who knew he was living.

Sorry that really had nothing to do with this thread i just started to vent and couldn't stop.

 

[vamp]

no offense,and sorry for that tragic event.. but is it even possible to be diagnosed with "clinical depression" while in 5th grade?

It's a sad story, but as someone interested in the state of psychiatric diagnoses today, my interest peaks when i hear something like that.

Yes it is Lucky. I was even placed in a mental rehab center for a week because my doctors thought that I control it myself. Also, at the time my mother's Multiple Sclerosis came out of remission and she was diagnosed as depressed. She couldn't ever walk again. To top it off, I was having a really hard time getting along with my classmates. I was fighting with someone almost everyday. So with all of that on me, it seems like I had little chance against falling in to that state