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Suicide

khembalou22

khembalou22

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A friend of mine has just committed suicide.

Can't imagine how such a thing can happen. Don't even know what to think right now really. Just feeling so lost, confused and filled with self-doubt. How could I have not known this was going to happen?
 
I am so sorry to hear this and I'm very sorry for your loss. You have to understand that his reasons were his own and that he may have not been giving off any signals for you to see. You were not responsible in any way. I hope that you will be all right and if you need someone to talk to and sort this all out, please find someone who's capable in your community. And if all else fails we'll be here to lend you a friendly ear and to give you support. Take care guy.
 
You will be in my thoughts as I pray
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you. No one is really to blame in these situations and unless he left a note of somekind you'll probably never know why. For some reason he just couln't face something in life. It should teach us all to seek counseling from a friend or professional when things seem to be getting to be too much for us to handle. The real victims of suicide are the loved ones left behind. If this really burdons you, please talk about this with someone you trust.
 
Khembalou22,

My deepest condolence on the loss of your friend. If there is one thing I have learned from 14 years of working with a peer crisis prevention/intervention organization, it's that sometimes there are no signs, and if a person really wants to kill himself, there is no one who can stop him. That was what the leading suicide prevention researcher/counselor told my colleague and many others at a suicide prevention conference when he walked to the podium, spoke those words, and then left the room.

Your friend was hurting and he saw no other way out. That does not reflect upon you or any other loved ones in his life--he just didn't know how to reach out and get the help he needed. While it is still so new and hurtful, I would ask that you try as much as possible to make your memories of him about how he lived, and not how he died. His suicide may have ended his life, but it should not define it.

Please feel free to private message me any time if you like. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Matt
 
Thank you for all your kind words. Your comforting words help ease the grief and sorrow I feel right now.

My wish is for the kindness you give me comes back to all of you and to everyone else suffering in this world a hundredfold.

And to my friend B., I hope you find the peace you are searching for. You will be missed.
 
khembalou22 said:
Thank you for all your kind words. Your comforting words help ease the grief and sorrow I feel right now.

My wish is for the kindness you give me comes back to all of you and to everyone else suffering in this world a hundredfold.

And to my friend B., I hope you find the peace you are searching for. You will be missed.
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(*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) :cry: :cry:

eM
 
Khem...
All I can say is that my prayers are with you & talk to people you can trust. I know that may sound weird since your posting in a public forum but I mean in your life, find someone you can open up to and do it. Your friends suicide is something that you couldn't have stopped. People always say I should have been able to do something but that rarely is the case. Don't beat yourself up over it and know that something in his life was too hard to take, and he now doesn't have to deal with lifes pain and heartache. He is happy now, no more pain or depression.

I'm here if you need someone to PM. Sorry you have to suffer this pain right now, but it'll get better. (*8*)
 
Khem, I am sorry that happened, my son did the same thing last September and it still boggles me. He was a smart guy who could not deal with reality and life, he was so absorbed in his career.
 
Khem, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The death of a friend in any manner is very sobering and a time of extreme emotions.

Killjoke says some good things in his post and he may be worth staying in touch with. What support network do you have around you at the moment beyond JUB? Are there other friends with whom you can speak and spend time with in the coming days?

You must have 1,001 questions working through your mind right now and if you want to ask them here, you've got a lot of guys ready to listen and do what they can to help you. But importantly, as others have said, you cannot blame yourself or question your own actions. You must remember your friend as he lived and the friendship you shared, not how he died and whether there may or may not have been something you could have done.

Take care of yourself and come in here at any time to question, or vent, or just ponder.(*8*) (*8*)
 
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure many of us - including me - have contemplated ending your lives when we felt things were at their worst, and I'm also sure that a great deal of our friends and families have/had absolutely no idea. If you really have to struggle to try to find some possible clue that you may have missed that could have 'saved' him, I'm sure that your friend gave you none. That's probably the the way he wanted it. If you were very close, he would have reached out to you if he wasn't absolutely sure of what he was planning. I guess most people in this situation don't think that they're worthy of having friends who care, don't realize how important they are to friends and family, and don't realize what their actions will have on them. Have some comfort in knowing that your friend may finally be at 'peace'.

We can never really know what goes through other people's minds; most times, we don't even know what goes through our own. It's normal for you to be in pain, but don't give yourself more than you need or more than you can handle. You have friends here who may not know you as well as your friend, but still care about you. If your pain seems to be more that you can handle right now, please DO look for help.
 
I went to a school which suicide is prevalent and kept tongue in cheek. 3 people committed suicide there this summer alone.

As a person who has gone down depression lane... suicide is really is just a thought of personal insignificance. I don't think it is irrational if such thoughts are true, however I think it is the responsibility of loved ones to be aware of depressed state of an individual and make it known to them that someone in this world cares for them and that their life has meaning and value. Medication is not always the answer, but love and compassion can always help.

My sympathies for your loss.
 
My condolences.

As to not knowing... it's very possible. Many of those people who successfully commit suicide hide their feelings well. Those that talk about it are crying for help and while they attempt, don't really want to. Those that succeed have hidden their feelings from everybody. So sad really.
 
khembalou22,

Your kind words and wishes to each of us here will come back to you.

Don't be surprised if you begin to feel some anger along the way. It's a natural feeling.

I lost a buddy of mine in High School to suicide, and two first cousins.

All senseless and stupid reasons. To me an others at least. Most of my grief came from the fact that suicide was seen by them as the only way out.

But there was a sense of desperation there on thier part, and I was hurt and angered that they never shared that with me or anyone else that was close to them.

I began to view suicide as extremely selfish on the part of those who commit it.

May you be surrounded in the love and comfort of friends during this time.

You sound like a really sweet and caring guy. (*8*)
 
I've never lost anyone close to me through suicide .... it must be such a terrible thing. You are in my thoughts, khembalou.

No man is an island, entire of itself;
Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,
As well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were.
Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind ....
 
I am sorry for your loss.

I know that when a good friend of mine killed themself, I never thought anything was wrong...but hindsight on this matter seems crystal clear that I was in denial...like his girlfriend, his parents and our group of friends...

Do not beat yourself up over this...
 
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