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Suicide?

Richardodessa

Richardodessa

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Yes, actually I have no idea why I am alive today. I spent 12 hours in a sealed car with the exhaust pouring in the window, totally wiped out on sleeping pills.... but for better or worse I'm still here.
 
Not after I came out, but for a couple years I was extremely suicidal... It's not something to be taken lightly. If you need someone to talk to or know someone who does, then please send me a message.
 
Sadly, the thought does cross my mind all to often and I'm not even ''out''. Sometimes I think, maybe if I just ''come out'' things will be better, but I'm more afraid that things will become even more worse.
 
Lolito2243 said:
Sadly, the thought does cross my mind all to often and I'm not even ''out''. Sometimes I think, maybe if I just ''come out'' things will be better, but I'm more afraid that things will become even more worse.
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Boy, do I know what you are saying. I don't need worse! There have been so many things already turning sour. People seem to already turn their backs on me and they don't even know that part.
 
Nah, things were bad, but there was enough good to stay my hand.

If anyone you know is going through a rought time, talk to them or get them to talk to a professional. Just talking to anyone helps way more than you think.
 
No.

There are way too many reasons to live, like getting even with people what piss me off.
 
I've been out to a few select family members and co-workers for a few years now. So, I didn't have my suicide attempt after coming out. I too am a lucky sob. 105 sleeping pills, I pulled through. If I had not told someone 10 minutes after taking them I'd been a goner for sure. Nothing like waking up on a ventilator and thinking to yourself, wow, I'm alive. Hard to explain. I had plenty of folks to reach out too, but I'm not one to ever ask for that kind of help. So ya, depression is nothing to take lightly.
 
It wasn't really related to me coming out although that certainly added to it at times.

I suffered from severe depression during my teen years and still struggle with it at times. I still have the scars on my arms where I used to cut myself to try let out some of the pain I was feeling inside. To a certain point, they're a reminder of what I went through and how much I don't want to go there again.

All I can say is see a professional if things get really tough, rely on your friends and family and try and keep focused on the future.
 
No.

But I felt suicidal two other times in my life, a few hours each time.

Weirdest feeling I've ever had. Detached, totally uncaring about if I lived or died. Compared with how desperately sad and worthless I felt before and after, it was a nice calm, the eye of a storm.

I wrote almost the entire time, both times. Wonder where those notebooks are .......

But to the meat of your question: don't place any value on people treating you badly because you're gay. They're wrong. Tell them so and turn away from them. There are lots of wonderful people in the world who will see your being gay for what it is: your business and not theirs to judge. Those are the people you should be listening to.
 
A few years back I found myself in my car in the pouring rain speeding towards the edge of a very steep cliff and feeling like there was no other option.

Very dangerous thing to do but I swerved at the right moment. It gave me some much needed perspective. Some may find this odd, but instead of finding the courage to come out, I found the strength to stay in the closet. Backwards logic, but it's worked for me so far.
 
One of the most amazing things about JUB is that it teaches you that you are never alone...nor are you the first to feel the way you do.

Whatever our struggles are...staying in the closet, coming out, relationships, trying to understand ourselves... you have to realise that you are not the only person feeling that way. Most of us here have been through an array of emotions and fears that only we can understand as people who have experienced what worries you now.

Yes there were days that it seemed like it was too hard. Facing my parents was the hardest...I didnt want to hurt them. I wondered if it would be easier to just make it go away somehow...but I told them. And for a while it hurt. But it gave all of us a new understanding of each other. A new bond...a new love. My relationship with parents is deeper now that it ever could have been. Perfect? Probably not. But sincere genuine and caring....most definitely.

The battles and struggles that we face are not new...but they are unique to each of us in the detail. But the understanding of familiarity means that the posts here on JUB are real, sympathetic and understanding.

The posts even in this thread give hope and inspiration. We all have stories to share and experiences that may help and guide others. The strength that comes from being able to trust and share in a place like JUB is just one of the small steps in understanding your self worth and value.

No one is valueless. No one will go unmissed. No one is alone.

As hard as it is reaching out, realising that your battles have been fought and won before by others, others who want to help and understand, gives hope enough to realise that its worth the fight.

The solutions like the fight in some ways are unique. But the comfort and security of being surrounded by people who genuinely understand gives courage beyond words.

Thank you guys for the courage in posting the way you have.
 
its_just_me said:
Have any of you wanted to commit suicide because of how bad you were treated after you came out? Im not saying I want to. I was just wondering.
~Matthew
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I've considered suicide for less than that.
Has any gay alive never thought about suicide at some point? That'd be interesting to know.
 
I've been suicidal since high school which I completed 8 years ago. Recently started taking anti-depressants which sort of makes me feel better. My doctor said it could be because I'm unemployed (albeit temporarily). I don't think that's the case because I was feeling depressed (though not as bad) when I was employed.
 
After getting outed I felt like dying or committing suicide, but then I found friends a couple of weeks after that, I think they pretty much saved my life, but I didn't tell them that because I would or risked losing them.
 
Coming out was a huge relief for me ......probably because I was in the closet way too long......until I was 31 years old . Did attempt suicide when I was kicked out of the house at 17 though.......had no where to go, and the reason for being kicked out ... called my father an asshole but I was only telling the truth. Most days I'm glad my attempt failed but not everyday.
 
I didn't. I pretty much had the fairy tale coming out story. No one had a problem with it and everyone was very accepting!
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And I sincerely hope that's the way the future is for Gay Men,now that society is so much more accepting and knowledgeable. I truly hope that guys don't have to go through as much self loathing and hatred as I did in the first 40 years of my life. Enough already, we are just as viable human beings as any other group on this earth.
 
No, I can't say I've thought of suicide b/c of the way I was treated when coming out. I have thought of suicide, and moreso when I was coming to terms with my own sexuality in the dark and lonely closet as O2 points out. But if people didn't take it well (which really hasn't happened much at all) I just figured whatever and moved on... it's now their problem, not mine.
 
No,but couple of years before i came out,i had severe periods of depression,and suicidal thoughts too.After coming out,things were starting slowly to change,and i believe that i don't need to go through that kind of thing again.

Those years helped me to understand,what this old phrase really means:
"Peace is not the absence of conflict,but the absence of inner conflict"

So true.
 
So many posts with guys sharing there thoughts and feelings, thats what this place is all about gay/bi guys staying together, helping each other and suporting there fellow gays/bi. just the knowledge that guys out there give a shit and willing let there most heartfelt feelings out and sharing there personal experiences is just amazing.. And i am sure that all these posts will Help so many of the guys out there that are in the frame of mind of ending it all, they will all hopefuly feel better after reading these replies.. you guys are awesome. I personly had a very easy coming out and no problems at all... BUT i was one of the lucky. I lost my Brother to suicide so I can see it from both sides of the coin if you like... I admire you all for sharing your innermost thoughts on this topic...
Davie with Big Hugs to ya all.... XxX
 
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