ok so im n a relationship, it has been almost six months now and like my bf had a confrontation with his friend and i told him that she was wrong for what she did to him and i told the truth about how i felt about the whole thing and like he said that i hurt him and that i needed to be more sympathetic and what not and he said that the truth dont always need to be spoken. He says that i always start shit with him when i open my mouth cuz i speak the truth and always have an opinion about something and sometimes it makes him mad and he says thats when i start shit so like he wants me to just say nothing at all and like im like but this is who i am and a person cant change that u know. One side he dont want me to lie but yet he dont want me to tell the truth about his so called friends or whatever problem he talks to me about. So he tells me that i need to change or that we need to break up cuz im hurting him to much and like he has his share of dirt in this relationship to now so yeah but its not even about that its about him wanting me to change who i am and what i say out my mouth cuz the truth hurts his feelings. I know sometimes the truth hurts but when it comes to the one u love i feel that u should not hold anything back tell the truth dont lie its like he wants me to sugar coat it and stuff and i just tell it like it is cuz it is what it is. I would just like to hear what ya'll have to say about telling the truth even when it hurts.The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums
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telling the truth
- Thread starter DeNiceOne
- Start date
ok so im n a relationship, it has been almost six months now and like my bf had a confrontation with his friend and i told him that she was wrong for what she did to him and i told the truth about how i felt about the whole thing and like he said that i hurt him and that i needed to be more sympathetic and what not and he said that the truth dont always need to be spoken. He says that i always start shit with him when i open my mouth cuz i speak the truth and always have an opinion about something and sometimes it makes him mad and he says thats when i start shit so like he wants me to just say nothing at all and like im like but this is who i am and a person cant change that u know. One side he dont want me to lie but yet he dont want me to tell the truth about his so called friends or whatever problem he talks to me about. So he tells me that i need to change or that we need to break up cuz im hurting him to much and like he has his share of dirt in this relationship to now so yeah but its not even about that its about him wanting me to change who i am and what i say out my mouth cuz the truth hurts his feelings. I know sometimes the truth hurts but when it comes to the one u love i feel that u should not hold anything back tell the truth dont lie its like he wants me to sugar coat it and stuff and i just tell it like it is cuz it is what it is. I would just like to hear what ya'll have to say about telling the truth even when it hurts.
S
Soilwork
Guest
you suck as a BF.
ok, that's a bit harsh.
but a BF's role is to always be on your side. After it's all over, you gently say "Maybe you could have handled that differently".
but while it's on.. you've gotta be on his side.
ok, that's a bit harsh.
but a BF's role is to always be on your side. After it's all over, you gently say "Maybe you could have handled that differently".
but while it's on.. you've gotta be on his side.
ok Soilwork i understand that i do need to be on his side when he need me and i will be till the end but there is a point when u have to speak the truth about the matter and put your two cents in even when what u have to say is not sympathetic enough b/c thats just what it is, no one should stop u from speaking your mind. I dont see myself as being a harsh bf just b/c i tell the truth, well the truth hurts and sometimes it needs to be said and i dont see why i should have to change that whole aspect of who i am, a person who has something to say and i tell it like it is
S
Soilwork
Guest
OH, I think you need to tell him the truth.
But I also think you could MAYBE be a bit better with your timing.
wait til he's over the spat he had with this girl and then tell him that maybe he could have approached that whole thing wrong and that you can see BOTH sides of the arguement.
fair enough?
But I also think you could MAYBE be a bit better with your timing.
wait til he's over the spat he had with this girl and then tell him that maybe he could have approached that whole thing wrong and that you can see BOTH sides of the arguement.
fair enough?
mexamor
Sex God
Some times a person wants a sounding board. In those cases you don't have to say much at all. I am not saying this about you but sometimes we feel very righteous in our own rightness and we like to let others know it. Listening is a good thing. Even when we know someone we love is being hurt, if that person is not in the right frame of mind to hear us then we are only speaking to make ourselves feel good.
When you love someone, sometimes you let them stumble and you stand there ready to help them back up when they are ready. That is what love, sacrifice and service are all about. And that is what realtionships are built on. If you demand to tell them what is wrong with them or thier choices all the time you will just push them away. So you have to decide what you want. If you want them to get the hell out of your life then just say so. If you love them and want to help them then you choose the the path that allows for personal growth and responsibility without "I told you so" attitudes.
When you love someone, sometimes you let them stumble and you stand there ready to help them back up when they are ready. That is what love, sacrifice and service are all about. And that is what realtionships are built on. If you demand to tell them what is wrong with them or thier choices all the time you will just push them away. So you have to decide what you want. If you want them to get the hell out of your life then just say so. If you love them and want to help them then you choose the the path that allows for personal growth and responsibility without "I told you so" attitudes.
exactly.its good you tell him always the truth.its his fault he cant stand it.
but if you really dont wanna break up with him you should just dont say anything sometimes.so you dont have to lie either.
cos i dont know if your bf is gonna change.
trawler69
Extreme Muppet
What I am going to say has already been said in different replies but:
There is a middle ground between telling the truth and lying and that is silence.
There is more than one way to tell the truth
There is a right and wrong time to tell the truth
Sometimes what you see as the truth may just be an opinion
Try this: Stay silent about your opinions until he has calmed down.
Use this time to think about what you are going to say and how you would like to be told.
When the time is right be tactfull, listen to him, ask his opinion on your points, don't lecture.
You don't have to change anything about yourself, just be more considerate about how you express it.
End of Lecture
There is a middle ground between telling the truth and lying and that is silence.
There is more than one way to tell the truth
There is a right and wrong time to tell the truth
Sometimes what you see as the truth may just be an opinion
Try this: Stay silent about your opinions until he has calmed down.
Use this time to think about what you are going to say and how you would like to be told.
When the time is right be tactfull, listen to him, ask his opinion on your points, don't lecture.
You don't have to change anything about yourself, just be more considerate about how you express it.
End of Lecture
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
His problem is not with you telling the truth, it's about how you frame 'the truth' and the appropriacy of when you choose to tell it. My impression is that this is more about your need to be right than it is for any need that the truth be spoken. If you are 'right' in a conflict scenario then that automatically implies that he is 'wrong' and that's not a comfortable position to be in.
He doesn't need you to offer your opinion - he simply needs to feel heard and supported.
Two simple listening skills to help achieve this are 'reflective listening' and 'open-ended questions'.
With reflective listening you hear what he has to say without interrupting, and then you reflect or echo it back to him.
HIM: She was yelling at me and mussing my hair and then she threw the whole bowl of soup in my lap!
YOU: Oh man! She shouted and mussed you and then she threw the soup!
Open-ended questions start with Who, When, Where, What, Why, How. They can't be answered with 'yes' or 'no'.
NOT
"Did you feel embarrassed when she threw the soup?"
BUT
"How did you feel when she threw the soup? What happened next?"
He doesn't need you to offer your opinion - he simply needs to feel heard and supported.
Two simple listening skills to help achieve this are 'reflective listening' and 'open-ended questions'.
With reflective listening you hear what he has to say without interrupting, and then you reflect or echo it back to him.
HIM: She was yelling at me and mussing my hair and then she threw the whole bowl of soup in my lap!
YOU: Oh man! She shouted and mussed you and then she threw the soup!
Open-ended questions start with Who, When, Where, What, Why, How. They can't be answered with 'yes' or 'no'.
NOT
"Did you feel embarrassed when she threw the soup?"
BUT
"How did you feel when she threw the soup? What happened next?"