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that ex factor

mumpie

mumpie

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i was seeing a guy for nearly 4 years that i was head over heals for. i honestly thought we were in it for the long haul. when we came to uni it all went tits up and i met someone else. it made it harder to leave him that i still loved him. the only reason i did was because i knew his heart wasn't in it and there was only so much i could take.

i love the person i'm with and love the fact that this relationship is so much easier than that with my ex but i can't help wondering: if the one person i thought was it for life doesn't want me, what can i offer and is it fair to stay in a current relationship when i still have deep and unresolved feelings for my ex?

he drops in and out of my life when he likes but not in a "how you doin?" kinda way. its just always on his terms and that what gets me.

sorry for rambling. just any advice would be sooo welcome.
xx
 
mumpie...

was seeing, ex, drops in on his terms, have a current b/f.

theres a pattern here friend and it starts with you reminding yourself of the term EX. in my funk and wagnalls (archaic term) EX means Once Was. Previous. No More or simply yesterdays news. be fair to your current friend....ok,ok jmho
 
Your problem is that you spend too much time agonising about how things could have been in the past or worrying about how they might be in the future. Past and future don't exist. There is only the current moment. The less you are present in the NOW the more you jeopardise continuity in your life.

Making your happiness dependent on another person or on 'might-have-beens' is a recipe for disaster. if the feelings for your ex are unresolved then resolve them.
 
the person i'm seeing is totally understanding. she was incredible during the breakdown from my ex and totally supports any kind of friendship (non-sexual of course) that i can have with him. thats what gets me. can i offer that same understanding when the only person i envisioned growing old with didn't want me anymore.

again, sorry for the angsty ramblings but... ya'know
x
 
mumpie said:
: if the one person i thought was it for life doesn't want me, what can i offer and is it fair to stay in a current relationship when i still have deep and unresolved feelings for my ex?

xx
Click to expand...
I'm sure without a doubt you have a lot to offer a new person in a new relationship, you just haven't tapped into that part of you yet. Is it fair to still have deep unresolved feelings? Absolutely it is, if you didn't you wouldn't be human. By having another relationship it will help you move on. Enjoy the new things you come across in your new relationship. Just remember you deserve it!!!
 
thanx. like i said i've been seeing the newer one for over a year but it still keeps nagging at me. it doesn't take away from it. but how could i be a proper fit with someone then not be. i'm sure it'll be great in the end but i guess i can't help but hope.

you've made me listen to no4 on madonna's music album again and again!
you guys are great and are giving me plenty to think about.

thanx
xxx
 
We never seem to be able to forget what we've had because it's a fact of life, that history remains!

Just be honest with your new partner, share with him your worries and your cares. Allow him to be there for you to move on, to help you.

I ain't too different from you. Although I ain't dating another guy yet, it seems that every guy that comes along, I can't help but compare him to my ex and more often than not, I tend to think they aren't good enough. Otherwise, they might be so similar that the new guy just keeps on reminding me of my ex.
 
Mumpie - do you think the different gender of your current relationship could be a reason for the unresolvedness of the ex-relationship?

As I understand it, bisexuals who are looking for a long-term commitment are always going to have to throw their allegiance on one side of the fence or the other. That doesn't mean that once in a relationship bisexuals won't continue to be attracted to people of the opposite gender to their partner, but the commitment does mean they have to close the door on ever responding again to those attractions. Commitment doesn't arrive fully-formed; it can only be seen retrospectively as the years stretch away.

Homophobia is a sad fact of life. It's fair to say that a relationship that conforms with straight norms will have an easier passage and therfore an improved chance of longevity.
 
homophobia is not really something i've had to deal with and certainly has no bearing on my current relationship. i actually got more crap from people when i started seeing my girlfriend than i ever did with my ex.
x
 
You either dedicate your future to your unfulfilled past or you move on.

It is really your call and only you can break loose...

SC
 
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