The anal fissure conundrum

[NewStart]

Dear JUBers, I haven't had anal sex in about 4 years, prior to which I had an amazing sex life. I distinctly remember when it happened. After a two week break in which I was travelling, my bf got on top of me to penetrate me from behind, but as soon as he entered I felt a sharp pain and that was it. We tried numerous times over many months, but were never able to do it because it was just too uncomfortable for me. That my bf had very little patience for foreplay at this point in our relationship, and my physical attraction for him was also waning didn't help.

Fast forward to today, I'm dating a new guy whom I find incredibly attractive and really want to bottom for him, but here's the problem: I still kind of have that anal fissure.

About a month back I was getting blood in the stool, and my GP asked me to get a colonoscopy just in case. While the colonoscopy was ok, the GI said that there is an anal fissure 'at the end' and gave me a cream to apply there. He asked me to go see him if it doesn't get better in a month.

Now my challenge is the following: I'm not passing any blood and my anal fissure never really hurt when going to the loo, or otherwise during the day, even before I took the medicine. The only problem I have is that getting fucked (or even fingered with 2 fingers) is too painful. I understand the next step of the treatment will probably be surgical intervention - is it worth getting a surgery done in my situation?

Sorry for the long post, but really need advise here - as I can't really discuss the issue so openly with my GP or GI.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's really two things that you need to consider: whether you've healed and whether the recurrent pain is going to affect your sex life.

It's optimistic to believe that a fissure that you've had for 4 years is going to heal in a month. You should return to the GI doc and have it re-evaluated to see if it is healing. Just FYI- GI docs are medicine docs; colorectal docs are surgeons- if you want to consider a surgical repair, you should be seeing a colorectal surgeon.

The other issue that you need to consider is whether having pain over a long period of time from the fissure is going to impact your sex life. You've associated the pain from the fissure with anal sex and even after it heals, you may continue to have fears of pain or reinjury during anal sex. If a surgical repair resolves the issue and helps you have sex without fear of reopening the fissure, then it might be a better option for you.

 

[NewStart]

Kara,

I'm really a nervous wreck these day .

The guy I'm dating came over for a visit (he lives in a different city). Sex with the condom felt uncomfortable, so we went ahead and had sex bareback. Now, we have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 4 months, and he got tested at my request right before he came here (sent me a copy of his test results which says Non-Reactive), but I'm still so stressed that I have somehow contracted HIV that I can't think straight and my stress levels are through the roof.

Don't know what advise you can offer Kara, but I just feel like shit over this issue.

 

[Telstra]

Did you use this cream ?
Proctosedyl Ointment 30g

 

[Benvolio]

Kara,

I'm really a nervous wreck these day .

The guy I'm dating came over for a visit (he lives in a different city). Sex with the condom felt uncomfortable, so we went ahead and had sex bareback. Now, we have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 4 months, and he got tested at my request right before he came here (sent me a copy of his test results which says Non-Reactive), but I'm still so stressed that I have somehow contracted HIV that I can't think straight and my stress levels are through the roof.

Don't know what advise you can offer Kara, but I just feel like shit over this issue.

Are you saying that you have contracted HIV or that you are worried that you may have? If the latter, by all means get tested to relieve the worry. An important part of the problem of unprotected sex is the worry that you may have contracted it.

 

[NewStart]

Benvolio, I'm worried that I may have. I will certainly get tested, but the window period is agonising. In the meanwhile, I can't talk about this with the guy I'm dating because he's probably think I'm super high maintenance, as he got tested before we had sex.

 

[KaraBulut]

Don't know what advise you can offer Kara, but I just feel like shit over this issue.

My apologies for missing this post.

Upfront two comments - discomfort isn't a good reason for foregoing condoms and in your case, something that adds more anxiety to an already anxious situation isn't helping.

You didn't say how the anal sex went. Did you have any pain and did it go well?

Something that's a common theme in your posts is a high level of anxiety. It's something that you should give some thought to. Do you feel like this anxiety is something that has been happening since you developed the pain during intercourse? Or does this anxiety extend into other areas of your life outside of the bedroom?

 

[NewStart]

Hey Kara, thanks for your reply.

I was able to have sex after almost 4 years, which in and of itself felt amazing. Yes, there was some discomfort - but it was nothing like the pain i used to feel previously. We actually did it twice - the second time I asked him to stop because it was starting to get a bit uncomfortable, but i was able to take him and it was great initially.

Your comment about the anxiety is quite perceptive. Unfortunately, it is something that does pervade many aspects of my life. I take an unreasonable amount of stress - my ex used to be able to calm my stress levels, but now that I live alone, its not getting any better. Some of the stress is centred around my health - for example, on a recent trip to Jakarta I *thought* I had an undercooked satay and couldn't sleep because I was convinced that I would get severe food poisoning. Because of my fear of STDs, I have almost no sex and when I do its only very safe activities. In this case, I made an exception in the heat of the moment, because he got tested at my request recently and neither of us are sleeping with other men. That doesn't stop me from stressing tho .

Sigh.

 

[KaraBulut]

I was able to have sex after almost 4 years, which in and of itself felt amazing..

Good.

Your comment about the anxiety is quite perceptive. Unfortunately, it is something that does pervade many aspects of my life...Some of the stress is centred around my health... I have almost no sex and when I do its only very safe activities. In this case, I made an exception in the heat of the moment, because he got tested at my request recently and neither of us are sleeping with other men. That doesn't stop me from stressing tho .

Not all anxiety is negative. If anxiety makes you be more diligent about food poisoning or it makes you play safe, that's a positive thing.

The thing to keep in mind is that anxiety is like salt- just the right amount is a good thing but too much ruins the dish. For example, if your anxiety over your fissure makes you careful about having rougher anal sex or reinjuring your anus, that's a good thing. If it prevents you from having sex altogether, then that's a bad thing.

Because you have a lot of anxiety over these situations, you need to always keep the "tipping point" in mind. If you find that anxiety is becoming overwhelming and is affecting your life in negative ways, then it is something that you should address with your doctor or with a therapist.

 

[PhunkSpunk]

If you're going to have receptive anal regularly, just from a practical point of view I'd recommend getting some kind of a butt-plug or toy, preferably one that's not rigid, i.e. has some give like a Real Cock Just kind of gradually work your way open, and get used to have something going in there.

If you haven't had sex in a while, use it occasionally: butt holes are like earring holes: they close if not regularly opened.

Never forget your butt hole was designed as an exit, not an entrance.

 

[kent052115]

I am having the same dilemma too, there's blood in the stool and an anal fissure. Even using my fingers is painful. So how did it go?

 

[NewStart]

Just wanted to share a bit of post-script to this thread.

On the anal fissure side, I saw an ant-rectal specialist and after many years of having this issue off and on, believe it will get better soon. He has basically prescribed an ointment that I need to apply a little bit inside the anal area, as well as a very strong direction on water and fibre intake. He said no sex for 6 weeks - which is a small price to pay for recovery.

The other issue - the debilitating anxiety I had after unprotected anal sex with my date was quite an ordeal. My anxiety got much worse after my post, to the degree that I found it difficult to focus at work. I spent hours looking through seroconversion symptoms, window periods, and stories of those who have to live with HIV. It started to feel physically weak, fatigued - even feverish. My throat started to feel scratchy. In the end, it was all my hypochondria mixed with anxiety - and it wasn't pleasant.

I asked my date (kinda bf) to get tested again (second time in a few weeks just to allay my fears), once he shared a snapshot of this negative result with me - it took all of 15 minutes for all my symptoms to subside. Moral of the story is that anxiety can actually make you feel unwell. Kind of obvious, i know, but thought I should share the experience with Jubbers.

-CB

ps. Not having unprotected sex again; until perhaps i'm in a longterm committed monogamous relationship and we're living together.

 

[camper]

I just came on to this forum and I have read this thread. Are you doing anything for your anxiety such as meditation or avoiding caffeine and alcohol? It is such a tough thing to deal with when things come up in life....you are surely not alone on this one!