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The Big "C" and frustration.....

Pegasus69

Pegasus69

JUB Addict
In Loving Memory
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I just need to vent right now. I had to see my oncologist today. I have not been feeling "right" the past week or so. I have had some aches and pains all over, but especially my lower left rib cage, as well as just being tired. My Dr. and I chatted a bit and I just told him that if there was just one or two of the issues bothering me, I would not be there. He said that he was concerned when he saw me on the list of appointments because I was a fairly low maintenance cancer patient and did not complain at all about anything. He wants me to get a PET Scan ASAP to see if there is a possibility that the cancer has spread to the bones or any other area of my body. He is concerned that this may be the case due to the brain lesions that were found.

So, next week I have to go to Boston on Monday for the Neurosurgeon (while I am there I also need to get a copy of the PET Scan that I had done there at the beginning of the year). On Tuesday I have to have the PET Scan done here locally and then on Thursday I go back to the oncologist to get the results.

It seems rather strange to me that I am experience some conflicting emotions about all of this. In one way I am very frightened about what the results of the PET Scan will be. But on the other hand, I think that having the PET Scan done will help me in my decision as to what to do about the brain lesions. If everything comes up negative on the PET Scan, then I can forge ahead with whatever treatment they deem appropriate. If it does turn out that the cancer has spread into my bones or anywhere else, then I can make the appropriate decision as to how I will proceed from that point. The biggest thing is that I was going to tell my family about the lesions after the appointment with the Neurosurgeon, but now I think it best to wait until the PET Scan is done so that I can have more information.

I am just so conflicted right now as to how I should feel about the latest turn of events but am somewhat relieved that I need to wait to talk to my sisters. That conversation is not going to be good, no matter when it takes place.

I feel a little better now, thanks for listening.

Steve
 
I can't begin to imagine what your going through. So all I will say is my thoughts are with you through this difficult time.
 
Hang in there Steve...we are all right here for you, stay strong and think
positive, I have been thru this.

A big hug to you!!!!
 
God bless you! You continue to be in my prayers!
 
You know what Peg? Regardless of what you learn, you're better off knowing it all. It's like you said, from there you can make the informed decisions you feel you need to make. Regardless of what you find out, I'm pulling for you. My prayers are for you. Be well and be brave as you've been throughout. You will always have my admiration and my friendship. All my hopes...
 
Steve,

I agree that the more you know the better, so that you can proceed accordingly.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you.

As for how to deal with your family members, it sounds like you are handling it the best way. As soon as you know something concrete, you can inform them.

I very much look forward to seeing you again soon... whether it be in Montreal, Hyannis... or back in wonderful P'Town!! :)

God Bless.

Drops... (*8*)
(John)
 
Don't get on here much but have been following your trials as you post them.

I can somewhat relate as my best friend from 4th grade on is going through practically the same scenario as you are right now.

I think you are handling it very well and I greatly admire your strength. The more information you have, the better decisions you can make.

All I can add is that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Stay strong and keep us in the loop. You have unseen friends who care.
 
i'm sorry for what you're going thru too...have you asked your doc about maybe putting you on medication for anxiety or depression? a friend of my mom's was put on kolnopin or something like it (i'm not sure exactly what) because she was so anxious about a recurrence of her cancer after her remission and it helped her get in a good place mentally...i wonder if you can take something like it while still on treatment??
 
I am thinking positive thoughts for you my friend. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. Keep up the positive attitude it seems to be working for you!!

All the best your friend Elwood AKA Kevin
 
Once more the other members have said what needs to be said and possibly much more eloquently than I could have done.

But rather than just not saying anything I will repeat what you already know and that is that you are in my thoughts every day.

Your's are the first posts I look for on switching on JUB and the last that I search for before going to bed.
 
Steve, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Guess we were both in Boston yesterday, me for the eye shot and you for that visit. Hoping the scan clears everything for you.
 
Hey Steve......you and I have a lot in common my friend......you are better asking for a shoulder than I am - you already know that.
BUT you have always been there for me, as I am for you....
You get sick of being sick, sick of what the meds do to you, sick of the poking and proding, and sick of not knowing what it will be like tomorrow.
Not trying to be a "downer", not trying to make light of anyone else - but people really don't know how difficult, or what a strain this is on your system - physically AND mentally.....
Take a deep breath, let more of it out to everyone here if you feel you want to.......
Go outside and just wonder at nature......it can be very calming. You know?
:kiss: (*8*) :kiss: (*8*)
 
You guys are all just too much. You show kindness and compassion to someone that only a few have met. You pray for me, think of me and send me such wonderful messages of support and hope. This has been a very taxing year physically, emotionally and financially. But with that said, I still say that this has been such a learning experience for me. I have learned of the kindness of strangers as well as co-workers, I have learned that compassion is not dead, I have learned that my family and friends could become closer. Most importantly I have learned so much about myself, and most of it is pretty good. I try my best to live for today, and it is by remembering the gifts this has brought me in the way of inner peace and self acknowledgment that I accomplish this. Every once in awhile I glance out of the corner of my eye to the future. I do this because the future is where our dreams and goals reside. I do this so that if, just if, things do not turn out to be what I want I will not be blindsided and have my feet taken out from under me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I tip my hat to each and every one of you and cannot thank you enough for the support you have shown.

Steve
 
Wow what can say? Hang in there and as you know,we're all there for you atleast in spirit.(*8*) :kiss:
 
I hope so much that the cancer hasn't spread,and that you will not have to face yet another battle,after these months of courage,determination,grace and humor in facing cancer and the fight to beat it.it is so good you have had many positive experiences with your friends,family,medical treatment staff,and you know how much we support and admire you,always good to take some great positives from such a tough thing.Hoping for the best from your results.(*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*)
 
Steve!

I just do NOT know how you continue to be such a strong guy with the BIG "C" attacking you from all sides!

You are the forever optimist!!!

I know now that with ALL the things pointing to the spread of cancer, you canNOT help but be anxious and yes.....scared!

Sweetie, you have ALL of the JUBBERS sending their prayers of hope and strength to get through all of this!!!

Know that whatever the verdict, we will remain right there beside you all the way to where-ever the road leads us!!

Hang in there friend!(*8*) (*8*) :kiss: :kiss:
 
You are in my thoughts as well. I wish I could hug you and let you rest on my chest and let you forget about this sickness for a while. (*8*)
 
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