The game, I guess?

[hackingnomberr]

So in my previous thread I talked about how I was extremely drunk and hooked up with a guy for the first time.

I can't clearly remember most of what we talked about, but I know I was acting like a total spazz and have vague memories of talking about things he obviously wasn't interested in discussing at the time(ex's, being closeted, etc.). However, finally being able to talk about something I've hidden inside myself (from myself for 18 years) in person was just something I couldn't handle, especially in my state of intoxication. I even went so far to say I didn't wanna just hook up with him and I wanted to like keep talking to him after and hang out and he agreed too, but not in the most convincing voice. (I don't know that I'd be down to hang out with the guy I was that night either haha) Which is kind of funny because I see him on facebook and really have nothing to say to him other than ask if he wants to have some fun again. ;] I didn't cum for reasons unknown to me(despite him having more experience than me, his technique was not the best), and when he finally came he hardly seemed interested in talking to me, making me think I must have been really annoying(or a bad lay haha), so I just put some clothes on took the walk of shame as he walked me to the door, kissed, and left. But anyway I don't really even know this guy or what I think of him, I mean I guess he was nice? Other than the fact that I think he's pretty hot, and he knows I'm gay and was down to hook up(at least under the influence he was) I want to hook up with him again, but I guess I have a fear of rejection, especially if I have to run into him on campus after this whole ordeal.

So, what do I say to him about maybe getting together again?(most likely I'll be under the influence when I decide to do this, hoping he is too) I was thinking of just shooting him a text one booze infused Friday or Saturday night, maybe apologizing for how ridiculous I was and explaining myself, but of course making sure that he even put my number in his phone when I originally gave it to him, by simply saying what's up or something and seeing if I get a "who is this?" Ugh, so confusing. I can't help but wonder if he's thought about the sitch at all, or if there even is one for him, he's not really in the same life position I am. Maybe I just can't handle the one time deal, at least if it's gonna be with my v-card(kinda, no ass-play, but everything else).

Sorry about the lack of structure, being in the closet and all I have no real way of getting any of this out other than here so I kind of went with the whole stream of consciousness thing.~

 

[KaraBulut]

The game, I guess?

Don't get into the pattern of playing games.

Honestly, you've managed to unsell both this guy and the prospect of hooking up with him.

Using alcohol and using other people for sex is not a good place to be. And a pattern of requiring liquid courage for sex (whether it's you that is drunk or your partner or both) is not a good pattern to fall in. And in your post, you list all the reasons why you shouldn't have sex with him again, then proceed to ask how you can get him to have sex wtih you again.

Most gay people get horny, find someone else who is horny and to whom they are attracted. They then talk with them and get to know them. Then they make out a bit. Then they decide whether they want to get off together or whether they want to have a second date (or sometimes, both).

Come to think of it- that's the way straight people do it too.

My suggestion to you is a reset- an alcohol-free, conventional dating reset where you an informed decision about sex and dating- or to use a phrase, "Look for Mr Right, instead of Mr Right-Now".

 

[Seasoned]

Getting drunk to have sex can be a sign alcoholism. In order to have a better quality of life it's time to plan a coming out strategy. I'm not telling when, how or even that you mist do it, but do think about a long term plan for yourself. You deserve an eyes, heart and mind wide open when being sexual with a consensual adult.

 

[altlover85]

I can't clearly remember most of what we talked about, but I know I was acting like a total spazz and have vague memories of talking about things he obviously wasn't interested in discussing at the time(ex's, being closeted, etc.). However, finally being able to talk about something I've hidden inside myself (from myself for 18 years) in person was just something I couldn't handle, especially in my state of intoxication. I even went so far to say I didn't wanna just hook up with him and I wanted to like keep talking to him after and hang out and he agreed too, but not in the most convincing voice. (I don't know that I'd be down to hang out with the guy I was that night either haha) Which is kind of funny because I see him on facebook and really have nothing to say to him other than ask if he wants to have some fun again. ;] I didn't cum for reasons unknown to me(despite him having more experience than me, his technique was not the best), and when he finally came he hardly seemed interested in talking to me, making me think I must have been really annoying(or a bad lay haha), so I just put some clothes on took the walk of shame as he walked me to the door, kissed, and left. But anyway I don't really even know this guy or what I think of him, I mean I guess he was nice? Other than the fact that I think he's pretty hot, and he knows I'm gay and was down to hook up(at least under the influence he was) I want to hook up with him again, but I guess I have a fear of rejection, especially if I have to run into him on campus after this whole ordeal.

So why do you want to hook up with this guy again? You were drunk, he was on something (I guess?), wasn't good in bed, and didn't seem to really care about what you were sharing. I'm not seeing the positives here.

Oh and as far as seeing him on campus, I wouldn't worry about that. It'll be awkward for a few minutes and that will be the end of it.

So, what do I say to him about maybe getting together again?(most likely I'll be under the influence when I decide to do this, hoping he is too) I was thinking of just shooting him a text one booze infused Friday or Saturday night, maybe apologizing for how ridiculous I was and explaining myself, but of course making sure that he even put my number in his phone when I originally gave it to him, by simply saying what's up or something and seeing if I get a "who is this?" Ugh, so confusing. I can't help but wonder if he's thought about the sitch at all, or if there even is one for him, he's not really in the same life position I am. Maybe I just can't handle the one time deal, at least if it's gonna be with my v-card(kinda, no ass-play, but everything else).

Is there a reason why you couldn't do a hookup or date with this guy while sober?

Also, if you are going to be drunk the next time you two hookup, why do you think it's going to be any different that time?

Sorry about the lack of structure, being in the closet and all I have no real way of getting any of this out other than here so I kind of went with the whole stream of consciousness thing.~

Doesn't your campus have a GLBT center you could go to so that you could talk about being bi with other people?

 

[hackingnomberr]

Don't get into the pattern of playing games.

Honestly, you've managed to unsell both this guy and the prospect of hooking up with him.

Using alcohol and using other people for sex is not a good place to be. And a pattern of requiring liquid courage for sex (whether it's you that is drunk or your partner or both) is not a good pattern to fall in. And in your post, you list all the reasons why you shouldn't have sex with him again, then proceed to ask how you can get him to have sex wtih you again.

Most gay people get horny, find someone else who is horny and to whom they are attracted. They then talk with them and get to know them. Then they make out a bit. Then they decide whether they want to get off together or whether they want to have a second date (or sometimes, both).

Come to think of it- that's the way straight people do it too.

My suggestion to you is a reset- an alcohol-free, conventional dating reset where you an informed decision about sex and dating- or to use a phrase, "Look for Mr Right, instead of Mr Right-Now".

Well I'm not out so I'm not really looking to date, I don't really think that would be fair to whoever I would be dating! I pretty much just want to hook up with him again for pure physical attraction, I'm young that's how we do it haha. Getting to know him can be a positive(or negative) side affect of doing so.~ I'm looking for Mr. Right-Now.

Getting drunk to have sex can be a sign alcoholism. In order to have a better quality of life it's time to plan a coming out strategy. I'm not telling when, how or even that you mist do it, but do think about a long term plan for yourself. You deserve an eyes, heart and mind wide open when being sexual with a consensual adult.

Yeah I agree, I've thought about a coming out strategy a bit, and my whole thought on it is if I have a reason to come out I will. Like if I find myself actually interested in more than just fooling around with this guy, then I would probably consider gradually coming out.

So why do you want to hook up with this guy again? You were drunk, he was on something (I guess?), wasn't good in bed, and didn't seem to really care about what you were sharing. I'm not seeing the positives here.

Oh and as far as seeing him on campus, I wouldn't worry about that. It'll be awkward for a few minutes and that will be the end of it.



Is there a reason why you couldn't do a hookup or date with this guy while sober?

Also, if you are going to be drunk the next time you two hookup, why do you think it's going to be any different that time?



Doesn't your campus have a GLBT center you could go to so that you could talk about being bi with other people?

He wasn't on anything and he only shut down after I made him cum and said I wasn't sleeping over, it was like 4 in the morning. Besides I was totally spazzin' I can't have been that attractive.

I'm in the closet, so I couldn't do anything while sober(besides this was the first time I spoke to him), I don't really need it to be different, it was alright, I figure it would be better because I'd actually be sane this time haha. And I don't want to go to the GLBT center, I'm closeted!

Thanks for the concern about the whole drinking things guys, but I only drink once or twice a week(three times if I'm lucky like that week ;]) I hardly see it as a problem haha.

 

[altlover85]

He wasn't on anything and he only shut down after I made him cum and said I wasn't sleeping over, it was like 4 in the morning. Besides I was totally spazzin' I can't have been that attractive.

If it was 4 in the morning I would have probably thought you would have stayed over as well.

I'm in the closet, so I couldn't do anything while sober(besides this was the first time I spoke to him), I don't really need it to be different, it was alright, I figure it would be better because I'd actually be sane this time haha. And I don't want to go to the GLBT center, I'm closeted!

I'm sure there are closeted guys that don't need to be drunk in order to have sex with guys so I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that the only way you can hookup is to be drunk.

 

[hackingnomberr]

If it was 4 in the morning I would have probably thought you would have stayed over as well.



I'm sure there are closeted guys that don't need to be drunk in order to have sex with guys so I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that the only way you can hookup is to be drunk.

My house is really close to his, and it would be super weird if I showed up at home the next morning! Cover blown!

Hooking up with someone drunk is wayyyy easier that's all. Trying to do anything sober would be too taxing.~
I know it may sound weird from your perspective, but coming out at all is just not on my agenda right now, even acting like it in any instance isn't either, even when I was talking to the guy and he was touching me at the party I was getting extremely self-conscious and no one I even knew really was there.

 

[altlover85]

My house is really close to his, and it would be super weird if I showed up at home the next morning! Cover blown!

Hooking up with someone drunk is wayyyy easier that's all. Trying to do anything sober would be too taxing.~
I know it may sound weird from your perspective, but coming out at all is just not on my agenda right now, even acting like it in any instance isn't either, even when I was talking to the guy and he was touching me at the party I was getting extremely self-conscious and no one I even knew really was there.

Have you thought about therapy?

It sounds like you have some issues that should be dealt with. They may go away on their own, but it might be better if you expedited the process. I've been to therapy in the past and it has helped, so I'm not just talking out of my ass.

Are you still living with your parents?

 

[hackingnomberr]

Have you thought about therapy?

It sounds like you have some issues that should be dealt with. They may go away on their own, but it might be better if you expedited the process. I've been to therapy in the past and it has helped, so I'm not just talking out of my ass.

Are you still living with your parents?

I've thought about therapy, I'm not really sure what they would tell me that I haven't already mulled over already.~

And no I am not living with my parents haha.

 

[altlover85]

I've thought about therapy, I'm not really sure what they would tell me that I haven't already mulled over already.~

And no I am not living with my parents haha.

I've found that you can get insights that you wouldn't have even thought of through therapy. At the very least you usually gain new perspectives on old thoughts.