The Lines of Friendship...

[Raistanelf]

This is a long and relatively incoherent rant, and I apologise in advance.

I feel so incredibly stupid.

So, I have this friend - he seems to be every gay man's dream. ( Yes, I know not every gay man goes for this type, but atm, it really seems that way)
He's young, tall, good looking, white. And he keeps getting every guy that I like.

I used to like him, and I guess I still do - I never really get over crushes. I asked him out, and he said no, and we've been friends.

I'm not every gay man's dream. I'm short, cute more than good looking, and brown.
And every guy that I find myself attracted to, friendzones me, and goes straight for him.

I didn't think it was that big a deal - he's a great guy.

But recently, it's just really started bothering me. It bothers me that he doesnt have to try , to get men's attention. It bothers me that he's considered so awesome by everyone, and I keep getting the backseat. And it really bothers me that I have to smile, and be happy for him , all while he's 'stealing' the guys that I like.

I'm just feeling like I can't be friends with this person anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I love who I am, and I think I'm an amazing person - I just wish that it was easier for people to see that - and I wish that it wasn't always this one same person who somehow gets everyone that I would be interested in. We're talking at least six guys, who I've had my eye on, who've all gone for him....and all of whom he's treated quite crappily tbh.



I've tried to discuss things with him, but what am I going to say ? Hey you, I demand that you stop getting all the cute boys that I like.

He says he values my friendship a lot, and he'd never want to go for a guy that I liked, but, when the guys that I like , like him, and he likes them back...I feel like I'd be a douche if I didn't just step aside.

I feel like I need to distance myself from this friendship - maybe it wasn't the real thing in the first place.


Thoughts , anyone ?

 

[Rand]

Don't get me wrong, I love who I am, and I think I'm an amazing person - I just wish that it was easier for people to see that - and I wish that it wasn't always this one same person who somehow gets everyone that I would be interested in.

Thoughts , anyone ?

Life is not fair - - but it is good to bitch about that occasionally. People see what they want to see; people are blinded by dreams, unrealistic hopes, beauty that is only skin deep.

You love who you are - be who you are and be discovered. As for his friendship - do you get anything out of it? Does be with him make life better or would life be better without him in it? Celebrate your life - help others celebrate theirs when you are able.

Someone who has learned their lessons ought to be preferred over the clueless.

Rand

 

[HunterM]

Do you make a move on men that you like? Do you let them know verbally or physically? Or do you just admiring them in silence...hoping they'll make the move on you first?

How did he actually "steal" all 6 of your men? Maybe you need to up your dating game.

 

[Seasoned]

Sounds like the friend and the 6 guys you mentioned allow themselves to be attracted by the superficial. It's understandable if they're looking for something short term. It's the norm that classily good looking people have an easier time making a first impression, in fact, it's already made. They have their own downside which is finding quality people looking for something beyond a good time.

Regardless of how "right" it may be, I think anytime something in life causes lingering negativity about oneself, it should be avoided. If you aren't able to think positively about you and him at the same time I'd begin to distance myself. Life's short. Why be miserable?

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe he wants you as a friend because you're one of the few guys who isn't interested in him just for his looks?

Whether or not you should continue being friends with him should depend on what kind of friend he is. Can you count on him? Does he have your back? Do you enjoy his company?

 

[Raistanelf]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, and your words of wisdom.

I find it hard to talk to him about it, because I imagine the conversation beforehand, and I get very emotional and accusatory - I know him quite well, well enough to know his responses.

I'm a hugely supportive friend to him, and he says that he is back, but, at the same time, he doesn't know me in the same way - this one time,he suggested that he would be my wingman, and he started pointing at all these people we know that he thought I'd like, and I just looked at him like he was insane.
I'm not a shallow superficial person - i'm huge on personality, and all the people he suggested were people that I did not get along with, and it was absolutely horrifying that he would even suggest that I should consider going out with them.

It just really made it obvious that he did not know me at all.

We have so many mutual friends though, it's difficult to simply make a distinctive break. I have been distancing myself, and asked him for space, and i feel better, but when I think about talking to him, I get really upset.

I really like the comment that pointed out that classically good looking people already have their first impressions made. It makes me feel like i'm not crazy, but at the same time, it really makes me feel like it's another 'short straw' life's given me, ya know ?

We'll see how things go from now i guess, but, thank you all so much for your support , I really truly appreciate it - i've been feeling very alone on this.

to you all.

 

[youngnihilist]

Do you have more friends than just him? Hang out with other people too. If not, that's a problem.

Those 6 guys aren't the only guys in the world. Meet guys outside of him totally.

Facing the odds, which you have, it seems he has an easier time getting guys. That doesn't mean you can't. Instead of focusing on his alleged successes (which don't sound so goo din the long run) put that energy into finding someone for yourself... nothing to do wtih him