The Love Story of A Bi Guy

[UnusualSting]

This is my first time posting on here so hey everyone! anyway...

So my entire life I have been turned on by both women and men, and I always said I was straight but bi-curious. I've had sexual experiences with both boys and girls since I was as young as three. Don't worry they were all around my age. As I got older these stopped and I never went all the way, just blow jobs. At 16 I had my first boyfriend after many girlfriends but 2 months into the relationship I ended it because he was already saying I love you and I felt weird. So A year goes by and I had no other encounters with a guy. Then I met this gay guy from a rival school at a basketball game and we hit it off. Then I stopped contact with him because trying to hide him got too stressful and I didn't want to put in that much effort. Then I fell in love with this girl and she got involved with someone else. And I ended up being 18 and still a virgin. I was turning 19 in 3 months and in August of 2011 I decided to make an account on Adam4Adam, and met a lot of guys but didn't meet anyone in person until September. That night I lost my virginity and saw this guy 2 more times before I realized it was only about sex. So I stopped talking to him.

Then I met up with this other guy a month later in December and he was on house arrest. So after three months I lost the motivation to always go to his house. It also felt like it was just sex with him too. That month in March I had sex with a different guy every week. I felt like a whore so I stopped. Then I met a guy who shared a mutual friend with me but he made it seem just about sex too.

So pretty much since I lost my virginity last september I have done something sexual with every guy I met. That brings it to me meeting 9 guys in 6 months and doing sexual things with all of them. Not full on sex but anything from hand jobs to sex. I've had sex with 5 of them. I feel like a slut, and i don't like that. But I feel like I'm doing nothing wrong at the same time and I need to loosen up. I am 19 and have come to accept and feel comfortable that I am bisexual. I am attracted to both men and women and being with either is fine with me. But I don't want to have meaningless sex. But when I'm with someone I can't help myself. I am however safe and get tested regularly. And luckily I am clean.

So aside from being a slut I have another problem. I met this guy back in february on Adam, and we talked for two weeks before exchanging numbers. When we exchanged numbers he said he had a boyfriend. So we became just friends and I pursued other people. I would give him helpful advice with his relationship and we talked everyday. Nothing sexual was said from that point. I still had feelings for him but I respected what he had. I would tell him about the things I did with other guys and he always got pissed but said he was being protective of me like a big brother. Fast-forward to last week and he and his boyfriend had been broken up for a couple weeks now. And I had recently met a dad from Adam who had two kids. His oldest is only 5 years younger than me. We had sex and I felt weird so I told the guy I liked about it. He got pissed and revealed he always liked me but respected his relationship. So I thought I messed it up, but he said we were fine. And there is a third guy and we've been hanging out for a month. And there is also a girl who is like a perfect match for me but she is seeing someone else.

So I am stuck in this messy situation where I have feelings for 4 different people and I don't know who to go to. I don't want to have meaningless sex, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I just need helpful advice. I'm not asking for anyone to tell me what to do, but what they would do and give advice. Thanks. Sorry but there was so much that I didn't cover, its a long story that covers 6 months. If its confusing I apologize.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^I don't think you are doing anything wrong. But if the sex-only is bugging you, then you need to stop it for your own sake.

I met my Bf on manhunt, and it went from sex-only to a 9-months and still going relationship, but I think stories like mine are more rare than the guys who use the hook-up sites for just hook-ups. I suppose if you stressed from the outset that the sex was not going to happen till a few dates down the line if at all, even before you meet up, you might weed out the guys who are just looking for sex. But this is not going to help you with your current situation.

I think you need to try your luck with the one you think will make you happiest. The guy you've been hanging with for about a month - does he know about the "protective big brother" who is now single? I presume Big Bro knows about him. The dad with the older kids... not so sure, especially if you're only just a bit older than his eldest which I reckon will cause friction. I suspect that would just lead to disaster; personally, I'd avoid him for safety's sake. The girl is an interesting add-on to all this, given your recent run has been mostly with guys.

At the end of the day, which do you think would make YOU happiest? I'd start with that one.

Good luck.

-d-

 

[UnusualSting]

I personally think I would be happiest with the girl. She's beautiful and everything I want. We share the same wants in life. But I think she friend-zoned me. Out of the guys it would be the "protective big brother". And no the guy I've been hanging with for a month and the dad do not know about any of the other guys. The "protective big brother" knows about both. I feel like if I'm honest with all three, then they will all stop contact with me. Its a mess, I wish I could just spend time with all of them but i feel like I'm cheating on the one I like the most. Plus the fact that I'm always horny doesn't help the situation. I talked with a gay friend and he got mad and said I give gays and bisexuals a bad name since I've been with so many people in such a short time.

Anyway I would choose the big brother, he's the only one I can't go a day without talking to him. It's not about sex either. However I feel he doesn't trust me and I've done nothing wrong I feel to lose his trust since we were never together. And he told me about all of his hook-ups he had, he cheated on his boyfriend twice. And how afterwards he hooked up with his roommate regularly, but when I tell him about my hook-ups its bad.

 

[MikeHere]

Don't let other people make you feel bad about things you do or have done. There's no reason to feel that way, and those who try to make you feel that way often have their own agendas. You're a young guy trying to figure out what and whom you like. Always be safe and treat others with respect. Tags like slut are stupid. Life is a journey to be enjoyed.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I personally think I would be happiest with the girl. She's beautiful and everything I want. We share the same wants in life. But I think she friend-zoned me. Out of the guys it would be the "protective big brother". And no the guy I've been hanging with for a month and the dad do not know about any of the other guys. The "protective big brother" knows about both. I feel like if I'm honest with all three, then they will all stop contact with me. Its a mess, I wish I could just spend time with all of them but i feel like I'm cheating on the one I like the most. Plus the fact that I'm always horny doesn't help the situation. I talked with a gay friend and he got mad and said I give gays and bisexuals a bad name since I've been with so many people in such a short time.

Anyway I would choose the big brother, he's the only one I can't go a day without talking to him. It's not about sex either. However I feel he doesn't trust me and I've done nothing wrong I feel to lose his trust since we were never together. And he told me about all of his hook-ups he had, he cheated on his boyfriend twice. And how afterwards he hooked up with his roommate regularly, but when I tell him about my hook-ups its bad.

Hmmm.

Is Big Bro keen to get together with you, or is this kinda one-way interest and he'd rather be just friends? Given his history of cheating, do you think it would be different with you? Would you want to try and potentially get your heart broken if it happens again? Even if it doesn't happen again, it might not work out between you - very few ex-couples can pull of the "we're still friends" bit, even though many try it; are you prepared to take that hit? Having said that, it does sound like he's playing double-standards, that he can have hook-ups and you can't. That would annoy the living fuck out of me.

Not trying to rain on your parade, you understand, just voicing what would be my own thought process (not that it would necessarily help me decide, of course because the heart and the head don't always agree).

The girl... do you know any of her friends? It might help if you could find out from one of them if you're in the friend zone or if you're in with a shout if you try for something more. Having said that, does she know you're a bi-guy? Would you tell her?

I'm with the poster above - tags like slut are a little useless and counter-productive. As long as you're happy, your friend can keep the epithets to himself. He's free to say he doesn't think it's a good idea, of course, but once is enough.

-d-

 

[UnusualSting]

No he wants to be more than friends, if things go that far. And I think he won't cheat on me, because his ex lived in a different state and he just couldn't take being horny with no sex. But he cheated with his roommate and they still live together, so I have to get use to that and trust him. He was honest with his cheating to his ex though. He told him everything. And yeah his double-standards are annoying.

I know some of the girls friends, but she has a boyfriend now so I will just leave it alone.

I guess I feel slutty because I am the innocent child of my family. I'm shy, quiet, don't fight, do drugs, smoke, didn't have sex, don't even curse in front of my elders, got good grades, didn't party, had friends who were good kids like me. I know everyone is human but I feel like I need to keep up this good boy life. And losing my virginity and then suddenly going out and having sex or doing sexual things with 10 guys in 6 months just makes me feel dirty, not human. But it helped me learn a lot about myself. I guess I just need to break out of my shell, pick one girl/guy to go after, and see where things go.

 

[BiMike]

It is clear that you have a very high sex drive and that is not uncommon with guys of your age. The fact you avoid full on sex for sometime lead to the situation over the last six months that you have an almost unsatiable desire for sex mainly it appears with guys!
However I think your main problem stems from the fact that you are Bi and are not at all clear where your emotional life belongs, towards a girl or guy. I suspect from what you have said that it is more towards a girl relationship. Before you can move on this is the problem you have to come to terms with which for any truely Bi guy is extremely difficult! The fact you have more sex with guys than girls is I think purely that it is a lot easier to have casual sex with a guy than a girl! Which satifies your desire for plenty of sex ! Now you have to sort out the relationship issue, best of luck! In my view forget the older guy with a son he is just an easy lay for you.

 

[blackbeltninja]

No he wants to be more than friends, if things go that far. And I think he won't cheat on me, because his ex lived in a different state and he just couldn't take being horny with no sex. But he cheated with his roommate and they still live together, so I have to get use to that and trust him. He was honest with his cheating to his ex though. He told him everything. And yeah his double-standards are annoying.

I know some of the girls friends, but she has a boyfriend now so I will just leave it alone.

I guess I feel slutty because I am the innocent child of my family. I'm shy, quiet, don't fight, do drugs, smoke, didn't have sex, don't even curse in front of my elders, got good grades, didn't party, had friends who were good kids like me. I know everyone is human but I feel like I need to keep up this good boy life. And losing my virginity and then suddenly going out and having sex or doing sexual things with 10 guys in 6 months just makes me feel dirty, not human. But it helped me learn a lot about myself. I guess I just need to break out of my shell, pick one girl/guy to go after, and see where things go.

Okay, so the girl has taken herself out of the equation. Bummer for you; but on the bright side, it does cut someone out of the reckoning which might make your decision easier.

The room-mate thing is bugging me. Do you know the details of the cheating? Did the room-mate have to convince Big Bro, or was it a simple case of convenience? Did Big Bro have to convince the room-mate, who was reluctant to get involved? If there was convincing from either party, how likely is it to happen again on a night where Big Bro is horny and you're not available or away? I think the trouble there is it has happened already; very easy for both parties to justify it by saying "well, it's happened before, so... once more won't hurt." Would you call it quits if it happened again, whether he told you himself or you found out some other way? Would you be upset but let it go? I'm not going to toss around faux-wisdom by saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" but the circumstances in this case are just screaming for a repeat performance; it's something I would think very very hard about if I were in your shoes - this has the potential to really screw you over.

You've not said much more about new guy who's been around for just a month. Is he keen? Are you keen? Have you met or has it just been online?

Don't feel slutty. Seriously, don't beat yourself up - you've had a go, worked out how much you think is too much (or at least too often or too soon), so learn your limits and let that be the end of it.

-d-

 

[UnusualSting]

It is clear that you have a very high sex drive and that is not uncommon with guys of your age. The fact you avoid full on sex for sometime lead to the situation over the last six months that you have an almost unsatiable desire for sex mainly it appears with guys!
However I think your main problem stems from the fact that you are Bi and are not at all clear where your emotional life belongs, towards a girl or guy. I suspect from what you have said that it is more towards a girl relationship. Before you can move on this is the problem you have to come to terms with which for any truely Bi guy is extremely difficult! The fact you have more sex with guys than girls is I think purely that it is a lot easier to have casual sex with a guy than a girl! Which satifies your desire for plenty of sex ! Now you have to sort out the relationship issue, best of luck! In my view forget the older guy with a son he is just an easy lay for you.

Yeah a lot of what you said is true. For me guys have been easier to get with, and for girls I like to try the relationship thing before we have sex. But I am fine ending up with either a guy or a girl for the rest of my life. Whoever makes me happy and the sex of that person won't matter. But with guys I don't find many who I wan't to pursue relationships with. So far it has only been these 3 guys. The problem is letting go of two and being with one.

 

[UnusualSting]

Okay, so the girl has taken herself out of the equation. Bummer for you; but on the bright side, it does cut someone out of the reckoning which might make your decision easier.

The room-mate thing is bugging me. Do you know the details of the cheating? Did the room-mate have to convince Big Bro, or was it a simple case of convenience? Did Big Bro have to convince the room-mate, who was reluctant to get involved? If there was convincing from either party, how likely is it to happen again on a night where Big Bro is horny and you're not available or away? I think the trouble there is it has happened already; very easy for both parties to justify it by saying "well, it's happened before, so... once more won't hurt." Would you call it quits if it happened again, whether he told you himself or you found out some other way? Would you be upset but let it go? I'm not going to toss around faux-wisdom by saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" but the circumstances in this case are just screaming for a repeat performance; it's something I would think very very hard about if I were in your shoes - this has the potential to really screw you over.

You've not said much more about new guy who's been around for just a month. Is he keen? Are you keen? Have you met or has it just been online?

Don't feel slutty. Seriously, don't beat yourself up - you've had a go, worked out how much you think is too much (or at least too often or too soon), so learn your limits and let that be the end of it.

-d-

About the roommate thing, I know every detail of the cheating because he always tells me about his hook-ups. Which I am apparently not allowed to do lol. They were drunk one night and were horny and just fucked each other. His roommate was supposedly straight. And the sex was great from my understanding. So he told his ex and they moved on. Then broke up for different reasons. Then he and his roommate fucked again, and again, and again. Then he told his roommate about me and his roommate I guess was about to propose a relationship but after that said they should stay friends. And i guess call me dumb but if they were to fuck again and we were boyfriends, I would let it go. For me I let people do things to me and after a few times and i see no change, that's when I leave. I'm too nice at times.

As for the new guy, we met back in early april in person. And we have hung out more than a handful of times. We've discussed the possibilities of a relationship and he said he thinks I'm still too confused to know what I really want. And he wanted me to come out to everyone in my life if we dated and I don't think that should ever be forced upon ANYONE. We haven't had sex, but make out and have given each other hand jobs during one of our make out sessions. I recently told him we should stay friends and I guess we will see where things go. I would have been with him if he didn't think I was confused. But we always have fun together so IDK.

And as for the dad, I will probably see him tonight. He's really nice and sweet and I would feel bad for turning him down. But I know I have to figure out what I'm doing sooner rather than later. And I don't wanna hurt anyone. I would like to be friends with him. I just don't know how to come across the right way because we have had sex and I don't want him to think that's the only reason I talk to him.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Hmmm.

Yeah, not so sure I can help you here.

I see Dude #3's point - it's difficult to date someone in the closet - but I see yours as well.

Big Bro and the roommate - do not like. I get that it's awesome to be able to let things go, but I think you do so at your peril; it's very easy for someone to take advantage, or to not realise until it's too late that s/he's hurting you. Personally, I would steer well clear of getting emotional there unless you can *REALLY* detach yourself from the idea of him and the roomie hooking up. "We were drunk" is really a lame excuse. This one has warning lights all over it, and I can hear the sirens and the alarm bells ringing from all the way over here in .za. I really think this is only going to go one way if you get in there.

Dad with son too close to your age - no, dude. Dad should be thinking this one through waaaaaaaaaaaaay more clearly than he is. 24 and 29, sure - date the dad. 14 and 19, my G_d no. In three years' time, you and the kid could be dating each other without anyone batting an eyelid regarding respective ages. Dad should really be completely anti the idea. I get that you're old enough and it's not illegal, but ffs, if you were a year younger you and the kid could have been at high school together. How old is the dad, if I may ask? This is giving me the heebies just thinking about it.

Apologies for my negativity. If I were in your situation, I'd be back at A4A with a more defined profile stressing a disinterest in meaningless sex and looking for someone else than these three.

Good luck.

-d-

 

[UnusualSting]

Yeah for dude number three we decided to stay friends. We'll see how this sticks when we are actually together in person.

As for big bro, yeah he came to me with that and I told him that was no excuse either. And then when he made out with this other girl I told him there was no excuse for that either. He's bi too. Well I will try to see where things take me with big bro when we both return from our trips. We are both going out of town for a month and won't be able to contact each other until July. But I like him and everyone deserves a chance. After a second chance though I'd walk away.

Yeah I didn't go see the dad and I feel like I'm leading him on. He is a sweet guy, I just don't think I'd be able to get over the kid thing. Idk what his intentions are, I should ask him what he's doing with me.

And you are not being negative. I welcome someone from the outsides insight. Even if its negative as long as its real that's all that matters. I deleted my A4A account back in April, because even if I put that, guys would lie and feed me what i want to hear. The problem with me when I was on there is I would be interested in multiple guys and wouldn't know who to give a chance to. So I left that and so far haven't looked back.

Thanks.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^Well good luck either way. I hope it works out!

-d-