The male g spot

[Croft85]

I've been told the male g spot is in his ass. Massaging the prostate it to be very pleasurable.
So is something Wrong with me because I have ,3 toys. And I feel nothing. No pleasure no nothing just bored. I can feel them in there but there is no sensation or stimulation from either of them so is there something wrong with me?

 

[Cottonforme]

Do some research and see how to do it. You may be doing it wrong.

 

[KaraBulut]

I've been told the male g spot is in his ass. Massaging the prostate it to be very pleasurable.
So is something Wrong with me because I have ,3 toys. And I feel nothing. No pleasure no nothing just bored. I can feel them in there but there is no sensation or stimulation from either of them so is there something wrong with me?

Different guys have different sensations when it comes to anal sex. Some guys find it easy to associate pleasure with anal stimulation; others not so much.

The anus has a lot of nerve endings, some of which can perceive stretching sensations, others perceive pressure and other perceive pain. The prostate also has nerves surrounding it that are believed to play a role in orgasm, which is why it often gets referred to as the "g-spot" for men.

The problem with most sex toys is that they are intended to stimulate large areas of the anus (or in the case of women, the vagina). The prostate is in a specific place and the portion of it that can be reached through the anus is not much larger than the tip of the finger. So, using a dildo to stimulate the prostate is a little like hammering a nail with a baseball bat- you might hit it but it takes work.

There are specific toys that are designed to massage the prostate during sex. These toys are are smaller and shaped so that they curve toward the penis in order to apply pressure and the toy moves during masturbation or when you're fucking another person.

A lot of guys stick a toy of their ass and are less than amazed by the sensation at first. This points to another factor and it has to do with the concept that the largest sex organ is still the brain. It's the reason that a rectal exam at the doctors office isn't a lot of fun but the same exam done in bed by your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is a totally different experience.

You might want to rethink your whole approach to toys and instead of thinking of them as the source of pleasure, instead think of them as something that increases pleasure. To that end, figure out what turns you on- whether it's erotic stories, porn videos, pictures, dirty talk, masturbation sleeves or just plain old jacking off. Use your toys to add a little something extra to that experience that you love- kind of like crush-ins on ice cream.

Instead of trying to focus on the prostate, instead while you're having that alone time, use the toys to figure out what parts of your back door are sensitive and which parts augment your pleasure. You may find that you're more aroused by pressure on your anus with the tip of the toy or by the sensation of having your anus feeling filled by having the whole toy inside you. Or you might be turned on by the visual of the toy going in and out of your anus. It's not just about the prostate- there's a whole lot of exploring to be done, whether alone or with a fellow explorer to lend a hand.

 

[darian]

I don't think there has been enough research into male sexuality and the male orgasm to highlight the diversity of experience as it is generally just assumed that it all works pretty much the same way for every man, when I don't think it does in practice. Sure the majority fall within the norm, but not everyone. It's also not discussed much I believe because of fear of appearing weak or defective.

Maybe you are similar to me and have never experienced what other men seem to be able to achieve naturally without effort. It doesn't help that there has been a proliferation of videos like https://www.blogger.com/video.g?tok...P_laod9dAzojPA_lOlFL22FPdx1xNYEZebv9qv8N4liO2 which create envy: I would sure like what he's having (as I understand it, he has a remote controlled prostate stimulator inserted), but like you, prostate stimulation is not pleasurable for me.

There are specific forums that deal with prostate stimulation (eg http://www.aneros.com/community/forum ) and if you read them, it is about "rewiring" our brain to interpret prostate stimulation as an orgasmic trigger, similar to penile stimulation but resulting in a different type of orgasm. Even there, it is a journey that is different for every man who experiments, with some achieving the ultimate prize in a very short period of time, whilst others achieve very little in years of experimentation. It seems to be more art than science and it is very frustrating for men like me who have other health issues.

I wish medical science could simply tell me that I am unfortunately in the category of men who do not easily experience orgasm from any means and then I could at least grieve and eventually accept the loss of possibility, but they can't and so I'm left wanting but not achieving, frustrated but without a way to dissipate that frustration, envying and tending towards bitterness if I don't become philosophical about it all. Medical research only started to help men with erectile dysfunction relatively recently: orgasmic dysfunction is still barely discussed, let alone understood and treated.

I don't view it as something "wrong" with me as that leads to depression: more like an illness, simply the cards I have been dealt, or inadequate education taking into account my specific situation which is different from the majority.

I would recommend experimentation to see what might be possible, but avoid thinking that every man can achieve the outcome in that video as I suspect it is not the case.

 

[darian]

Different guys have different sensations when it comes to anal sex. Some guys find it easy to associate pleasure with anal stimulation; others not so much.

You would think that all men would have the same basic anatomy and thus able to experience the same things, however this does not seem to be the case in practice: diversity appears to rule in everything, yet society does not readily accept the reality of diversity or find ways to ensure everyone can achieve an equivalent quality of life that is the best they can be.

Most concerning is the lack of discussion about diversity and the adherence to rigid views about what is "normal" and thus acceptable when in fact "normal" simply refers to the mathematical majority. Sadly society still interprets being outside the majority as being less acceptable many attributes being outside the control of the individual.

I like to believe that the universe created us as we are, against the odds, and thus we are created essentially equal: it helps boost my ego that is otherwise under siege from societal criticism because of personal diversity and belonging to the minority (ie I have an equal right to existence and the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness as anyone else, purely from the act of being created). What makes my task more difficult is the lack of information about the state of diversity and what is achievable in reality: we tend to assume that everyone naturally experiences the same things and thus we do nothing to provide support, where this may not be the case, unless it is extremely obvious.

We tend to assume that everyone explores and discovers things for themselves naturally and yet we have an education system that explicitly suggests we need to be taught things so we aren't re-inventing the wheel each time through trial and error. We still don't educate men about their bodies from an early age to the grave to not only know what to expect, but to augment where required and reduce the collateral damage inherent in trial and error so that as many as possible can achieve personal fulfilment.

Prostate stimulation, as simply one example, is still a huge taboo for the majority of men, which denies them possibilities of experience, because not only are they not educated about the potential, but they are actively dissuaded due to societal criticism couched as jokes and attitudes towards gay men. Even many gay men are apprehensive about exploring this potential because of prior societal views against homosexuality that they have absorbed.

I feel there is significant scope for men to have intimate relationships with other men without being homosexual, except that homosexuality is still viewed as unacceptable and any intimate relationship between men labeled as homosexual.

I believe this is an important aspect of men's health (mental as well as physical) that has not received mainstream discussion and thus we do not know how much diversity exists within those experiences and additional support required.

I have previously mentioned a video showing a man in the throes of a prostate orgasm that I would like to experience, yet I have no idea whether every man is capable of achieving this in the same way or whether there are augmenting techniques to assist those who have difficulty.

There was a time when many women did not experience orgasms because they did not know what type of stimulation was right for them and for those women who still had difficulty due to diversity, other techniques were developed to assist them: I think men are perhaps in a similar position over prostate stimulation, but where little is currently being done to assist them all to their potential.

I would dearly love for there to be more discussion about male diversity instead of assuming all men experience their potential, in the same way, naturally.

 

[KaraBulut]

You would think that all men would have the same basic anatomy and thus able to experience the same things, however this does not seem to be the case in practice: diversity appears to rule in everything, yet society does not readily accept the reality of diversity or find ways to ensure everyone can achieve an equivalent quality of life that is the best they can be.

The anatomy is pretty much the same. It's the brain that varies.

A metaphor can be found in other sensory perception. For example, there's a group of people who taste soap when they eat cilantro. Presumably they have the same taste buds that we all have but they have a variation that makes their brains perceive a soapy taste when they eat cilantro.

Anal sex is always going to be a mix between pleasure and pain but what varies is how the person perceives the balance between the two.

Prostate stimulation, as simply one example, is still a huge taboo for the majority of men, which denies them possibilities of experience, because not only are they not educated about the potential, but they are actively dissuaded due to societal criticism couched as jokes and attitudes towards gay men. Even many gay men are apprehensive about exploring this potential because of prior societal views against homosexuality that they have absorbed.

Prostate stimulation is for more common than anyone admits. It may be their own explorations, it may be their explorations with a partner. What constrains many men is the taboos around the anus and the perception that "bottoming" is less masculine.

A surprising number of straight people have anal sex, including men who enjoy pegging. That pleasure isn't unique to gay men. But it's also true that there is a subset of the male population who don't get extraordinary pleasure from anal or prostate stimulation- that's a normal variation and there's nothing wrong with that, either.

 

[darian]

Anal sex is always going to be a mix between pleasure and pain but what varies is how the person perceives the balance between the two.

Now that simple statement is not something I have ever heard before: from prevailing information, many would believe that it is only about pleasure (promotion) or only about pain (dissuasion).

Prostate stimulation is for more common than anyone admits.

However, one of my points is that it is left to individuals to discover on their own with very little open education about it and how it might vary between individuals, so expectations can be artificially high, as we often see in porn, leading to frustration when it isn't achieved as portrayed.

What constrains many men is the taboos around the anus and the perception that "bottoming" is less masculine.

It's tragic how society has failed to educate and promote human happiness potential by clinging to Victorian attitudes: even something as simple as sex education has only grudgingly and slowly been implemented, so imagine all the other potentials of people that are being held back because of institutionalised attitudes and fear. Individual trial and error also includes collateral damage and wasted effort, which education is supposed to help prevent in other aspects of development of civilisation.

But it's also true that there is a subset of the male population who don't get extraordinary pleasure from anal or prostate stimulation- that's a normal variation and there's nothing wrong with that, either.

Is that because they simply aren't physiologically equipped to achieve that kind of pleasure, or they just haven't been educated about the possibilities of enjoyment and the right techniques for them to achieve it (eg similar to how many women were historically unable to orgasm because they didn't understand what was possible and the techniques that were needed for themselves as individuals to achieve that outcome were not made available through education)?

Speaking personally, there is something wrong with that normal variation in that it can create envy and frustration when one can't achieve something that someone else is able to enjoy. It is not "wrong" from the perspective that the individual is not worth-less as a person because of it (which is often what can happen if frustration gets turned inward into depression).

What I find most frustrating is people who are easily able to achieve something, telling those who don't to "eat cake" because they simply don't understand what it is like or how important it can be.

I think there are 4 main aspects to personal happiness:

1. Knowing what is potentially possible
2. Knowing what is possible for the individual due to diversity
3. Assistance in augmenting 2 to approach 1 as much as possible
4. Assistance in accepting where 1 and 2 can never match

 

[darian]

What constrains many men is the taboos around the anus and the perception that "bottoming" is less masculine.

I don't think society has yet had the discussion about what constitutes masculinity and femininity, how rigidly it is aligned with our biology and how applicable it should be to individual happiness.

Does a person have less of an identity or worth in society if they exhibit a unique blend of traditionally male/masculine or female/feminine characteristics? Does it even matter, except to intimate partners?

 

[KaraBulut]

Now that simple statement is not something I have ever heard before: from prevailing information, many would believe that it is only about pleasure (promotion) or only about pain (dissuasion).

Pleasure and pain are more related than we realize. Athletes know how connected they are. Those in the leather community knowm too. As long as pain releases endorphins, there will always be those who experiment with that line between pain and pleasure.

However, one of my points is that it is left to individuals to discover on their own with very little open education about it and how it might vary between individuals, so expectations can be artificially high, as we often see in porn, leading to frustration when it isn't achieved as portrayed.

That is true of the US where it is the most Puritanical and conservative elements that are constantly constraining sexuality.

Porn is changing those attitudes, though. And the Religious Right hasn't had much success in restricting what Americans are able to find to educate themselves about options beyond just vanilla sex.


But bringing this back to the original topic- even when there is information available, it's difficult to know what is accurate. The "male g spot" is one of the things that is on the internet but is more of a fallacy than a fact. It's true that many men have very intense orgasms when the thing that gets them off is accompanied by anal or prostate stimulation- especially the first few times. But it is something that varies from guy to guy, so it tends to get oversold by those who find pleasure in anal stimulation and undersold by those who don't.

 

[darian]

But bringing this back to the original topic- even when there is information available, it's difficult to know what is accurate. The "male g spot" is one of the things that is on the internet but is more of a fallacy than a fact. It's true that many men have very intense orgasms when the thing that gets them off is accompanied by anal or prostate stimulation- especially the first few times. But it is something that varies from guy to guy, so it tends to get oversold by those who find pleasure in anal stimulation and undersold by those who don't.

Sounds very much like a re-run of the female history of orgasms (where they have their own clitoral and vaginal/G-spot orgasms that are different). When will we learn to stop making the same mistakes?

Reading the Aneros Forum, I get the impression that prostate triggered orgasms can be very different from traditional penile triggered orgasms and involves "re-wiring" the brain to interpret the prostate sensations as orgasm triggers: this includes not using penile stimulation at all because it is a distraction.

What amazes me is that human beings have had thousands of years of trial and error experimentation and we still don't have a definite handle on what leads to happiness.

 

[darian]

Pleasure and pain are more related than we realize.

Biologically speaking, pain has always had higher priority from a survival perspective and since I am in constant pain, it isn't surprising pleasure has been suppressed.

You mention the fine line between pleasure and pain: is that because the pleasure feels so much better in comparison to the pain? When I dull my pain with painkillers, the relief is almost pleasurable in comparison to the pain beforehand, so I can kind of perceive that pleasure after pain would be comparatively huge. Unfortunately if I dull pain, I can't feel pleasure either so I'm in a catch-22. It would be interesting if I could selectively dull the pain whilst not affecting the sensory nerves that contribute to pleasure, but then I don't know if my lack of pleasure is due to inhibition of sensory triggering signals or a malfunction in the reward/pleasure areas of my brain.