The "Odd" couple?

[CagedBird]

I'm curious to know what others think about the viability for my first relationship.

"Jack" & I have known each other through business dealings for years, & only recently joined together in what we consider to be a LTR.

We have many characteristics in common & share many interest....maybe that's good, maybe that's bad ??

We value being close & intimate with each other. On the other hand, we are both independent types, use to being "boss" in business, directing others daily.

To my surprise, I have for the first time in my life given the position of dominance to another. Jack is the lead, & I am comfortable with that [weird to me].

Here's where we are different, & it does concern me to a degree: Social & income status.
I always new Jack was successful in life, & he moved with the upper crust @ times.
Only now did I discover how affluent he is. I'm of average income, & my social contacts are minimal & common. Jack turns out to be a high roller, & socializes with local politicians, investment bankers endowment & trust organizations.
Jack is letting me know in bits & pieces about his good fortune in life & frankly its starting to scare me!

What do you think? Can two seemingly committed lovers make it long term if their social/economic worlds are miles apart?

Thanks

CagedBird

 

[maxxximum]

it can definitely work. unless you're not willing to swallow your pride which i take something you don't do very often for being too used to being your own boss.

 

[Vacabbie]

Its really up to you.


Does money really matter when it comes to love?

 

[conrad]

;If you are happy to be who and what you are, and he is happy being who and what he is and you are happy to be partners in a long-term relationship, that is a pretty solid foundation. Over time I would expect that each of you will learn from what you know the other partner has that you don't have. Just don't make a big deal of these differences; it quite proper to be different; what's not proper is to expect that others will become like yourself. Celebrate the difference!

 

[BlueStreaker]

If you guys are really serious and want to be together it shouldn't matter. If things move beyond just a relationship and you become very intimate (close enough to become engaged or married if that's possible where you are) then the economic differences will go away as you will start to share money and everything so you won't really be on separate planes anymore. You would also begin to know his associates, meet the people on his side of the circle while you introduce him to your friends and acquaintances.

I really don't think it's a big deal if you get along as well as it sounds like you do.

 

[cellular]

Oh what you complaining about. You just found a rich and popular bachelor. Be happy with your find. You could end up with worst, a poor antisocial guy who wants you to be his sugar daddy. You have found love, now cherish it.
As for whether your relationship will work in the long term, i say why not. Give it a try, walking away from this would definitely be a mistake.

 

[CagedBird]

Thanks guys!

Thanks especially to ruffboi, as you point out one of my major concerns: socializing in different circles.

the one that can cause trouble is when the social circles are very different if one person doesn't or won't fit into the others social circle. as long as you are comfortable with mixing in your partners social circle when needed then all should be fine

This is where I need to focus. Ive meet some of Jacks contacts/friends; they are mind numbingly pretentious, lol. I'll get over that, time to move on

 

[SilverRRCloud]

If you are reasonably comfortable and secure with your own financial situation, there is absolutely no need for you to worry about the difference in the levels of wealth between the two of you. Keep in mind that 'yours is yours and his is his', and never confuse the two. He might be significantly richer than you are but you are affluent enough to be your own, independent man. And that's who you are. His wealth is really his issue. Not yours.

Make sure that you do not fall for the old 'transfer fallacy' like in: this $10 Mio. home is our home. If he bought/built that home before you started living under the same roof, the home is HIS and not yours. No use fooling yourself there.

An LTR is really nothing but a continuous series of more or less painful compromises. He rubs elbows with the local VIPs and you know just regular guys. Be supportive all of his efforts and stand up for your man. Equally so, make sure that you still have enough time for all of your important friends and family. Make sure that he knows, it takes two to tango and yeah, you'll sacrifice some of your time for him, if he does the same for you.

Do not worry about 'him taking the lead'. This happens rather often with relationships. However, make sure that he understands that he is taking the lead under your mandate. In other words, in practical life, he calls shots more often than you do. However, you can object and change things that affect you whenever you find it fit. He has not gotten a blank check from you for anything. So, yeah, he makes most decisions, b/c that seems to work so at the moment, but all his decisions affecting your life are pending your approval.

Have fun and be a good player.

SC

 

[megustamyn]

I was usually the one with the money. It never made a difference to me. What’s always been important is being with someone whose company I enjoy. One guy I dated talked to me about it on our second date. He said he knew that as a banker I made a lot more money than he did as a teacher and he was afraid he would not be able to keep up with my lifestyle. I told him that I enjoyed being with him and that was all that mattered to me.

The truth is the one person I dated who was at the same earning level as me it was a disaster. (He’s a very successful physician and owns a large practice.) It was nice that we could decide to go Puerto Rico next weekend without giving it a second thought, but ultimately he was not LTR material and it ended badly.

My partner and I have been together ten years. He has always worked in the nonprofit sector and does not get paid what I would expect for a person with his educational background and experience but he loves his job. I, on the hand, was pretty tired of the rat race and took early retirement at 51. After 6 years of retirement, this past year, for the first time, his salary was greater than my pension.

When I retired, I sold my condo and we moved out of New York. Our house was purchased with the proceeds from my condo but it is our house because we were together when we bought it. At this point we pretty much run the household on my pension and his salary and we draw on my investments for major expenditures like vacations, cars, and improvements to the house. At times, his children who are now adults, and even his ex-wife, have had some financial need and I’ve been happy to help out. We are married and whatever either one has is ours.

Interestingly, I volunteer at the agency where he is the executive director so he’s my boss. At home he looks to me to take the lead but I think that has to do with personalities and nothing else. Sometimes I actually wish he were more proactive.

BTW, when I left New York, I also left behind my social circle, which had really grown around my profession rather than friendship, because I found them pretentious.

 

[drhladnjak]

I agree with what others have posted here, but just wanted to say--don't take things too fast. I mean you've only been out for a short while (at least judging by your posts and PMs) and just started dating and having sex with men. There's no need to run full speed into an LTR by worrying about such long-term issues at this stage. Just enjoy the time you spend with this guy, see where it goes and try not to overthink everything.

 

[CagedBird]

Unbelievable! I really didn't expect to receive such relevant insight that would pertain so specifically to my situation.

SilverRRCloud, megustamyn & drhladnjak, you boys are "spot-on".
So much of value for me here, I truly appreciate the feedback you have offered.
You guys obviously speak from experience

Special thanks to drhladnjak, you have my number, not question I need to put the brakes on this relationship. In 7 days we have gorged ourselves on each other, meet each others family & shared with each other our most private thoughts.
I'm starting to feel confused as to whats going on, its too much too soon I think.
[there I go thinking too much again ]
Gratitude,

Caged

 

[Eagle653]

While my partner and I are of similar incomes, I found out--after we were partnered--just how "connected" he was to the A-list crowd. At first, that intimidated me, but I realized that was from my own feelings of insecurity vs. anything real between us. It worked out just fine.

I am acquainted, though, with several couples of very divergent incomes. Usually, the one making less, or less-well connected, feels a little awkward, but only at first. As relationships stabilize, the significance of those differences really disappear. In fact, over time, you go along for the ride on much of this and have fun doing so.

Always remember that he's attracted to you for a reason. It may not be your money or your connections, but it's something more substantial--you as a person. Cherish that, and lean on that when you get any "wow" moments as you find out things like this.

 

[CagedBird]

Thanks averageguy, good to hear from you again.

I guess your right about Jacks attraction to me; the more I learn of him & his world, the more confused I am as to what he sees in me. Jack tells me I'm a natural HOT lover in bed....there's gotta be more than that to hold a relationship together.
I hope for the differences between our economic & social worlds to less a concern for me soon.

Win or loose, In the end I know this relationship will be good for me.