Bruski-101
Porn Star
It is very ok to cry.You must get it out.I can't say that i understand but what i can say is that you can't live a double life or a lie.My heart feels for you.Take care it will get better.
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The Reluctant Homosexual
- Thread starter Bruski-101
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G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Noel, if you've actually spent that much time on JUB, that much time with Comet, and that much time with GE, and still think that being gay is such a horrible thing, you're not looking hard enough.
Yes, gays can be unhappy. Gays have problems. But, as you've no doubt found out, Catholics are in exactly the same spot. We're not unhappy or have problems because we're gay. We're unhappy and/or have problems because we're human.
If life is that hard for you there...
If you feel you can't live as you truly are there...
...leave. Find a better place to be.
I don't know Ireland from Idaho. But check around. Maybe visit a few spots. See if there's a better city in Ireland for gays. If not, expand your search further.
There are plenty of homosexuals out there who live wonderful, fulfilling, kick-ass lives. I'm one. There are plenty of others, both here and elsewhere. And you can be one, too. You may be getting a late start, but better to start now than to spend the rest of your life looking backwards wondering what could have been.
One of my father's biggest lessons to me was to often ask "What do YOU need to do NOW in order to make things better?" So ask. Then do it. Because it's there if you want it.
Get on it.
Lex
Yes, gays can be unhappy. Gays have problems. But, as you've no doubt found out, Catholics are in exactly the same spot. We're not unhappy or have problems because we're gay. We're unhappy and/or have problems because we're human.
If life is that hard for you there...
If you feel you can't live as you truly are there...
...leave. Find a better place to be.
I don't know Ireland from Idaho. But check around. Maybe visit a few spots. See if there's a better city in Ireland for gays. If not, expand your search further.
There are plenty of homosexuals out there who live wonderful, fulfilling, kick-ass lives. I'm one. There are plenty of others, both here and elsewhere. And you can be one, too. You may be getting a late start, but better to start now than to spend the rest of your life looking backwards wondering what could have been.
One of my father's biggest lessons to me was to often ask "What do YOU need to do NOW in order to make things better?" So ask. Then do it. Because it's there if you want it.
Get on it.
Lex
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Well, there's no doubt that Ryan could turn the straightest guy into a fudgepacking manwhore maniac, but I have to think that what you really have had the chance to see is just how joyous and free a confident gay guy like Comet can be. And maybe you think your life is coming up a little short by comparison.
I am a happy successful homosexual male too.
You can be as well.
It has taken a little more work than if I'd been born a knuckle dragging breeder who didn't even have to think about his place in the lowest common denominator world we live in, but it has been worth all the extra work.
I think I'd be crying to my therapist if I thought I was straight all these years.
You seem to feel that your self worth is diminished by being gay. I've always thought I was made better than mere hetero mortals. It is all in perspective.
You need a therapist who can make you see that any man who laid hands on you to cast out devils is, in fact, a monster himself.
You still have years of happy homo life ahead. Now fix your eyes and don't let Comet see how much you've missed him after only a few days.
I'll bet you wished you'd blown a few razzberries now, don't you?
I am a happy successful homosexual male too.
You can be as well.
It has taken a little more work than if I'd been born a knuckle dragging breeder who didn't even have to think about his place in the lowest common denominator world we live in, but it has been worth all the extra work.
I think I'd be crying to my therapist if I thought I was straight all these years.
You seem to feel that your self worth is diminished by being gay. I've always thought I was made better than mere hetero mortals. It is all in perspective.
You need a therapist who can make you see that any man who laid hands on you to cast out devils is, in fact, a monster himself.
You still have years of happy homo life ahead. Now fix your eyes and don't let Comet see how much you've missed him after only a few days.
I'll bet you wished you'd blown a few razzberries now, don't you?
Txgoodoldboy
JUB Addict
I know, you are hurting. It's good to let it out and share. Hoping your therapist will help. You need to be careful when playing "the what if, game". It gets to be a vicious circle. Try to get in the "now", then decide what you want, and plan to get it. I know, easier said, than done.
Life is hard for gays and it was harder in the past. That's the truth of the matter.
But it's not because we're gay. It's because other people are intolerant and frightfully ignorant. Always remember that.
You're carrying a lot on your shoulders, but letting it out is important in order to really look at everything.
Also consider your location. You know that Ireland is more conservative and intolerant. Maybe you need to relocate to somewhere where more gay men are able to express themselves freely, not only as gay men, but as the individuals they are.
I'll tell you that when I went to San Francisco for one week during Pride, I experienced this amazing sense of freedom and normativity. I wasn't "the gay guy," I was just another guy who was out for the general same thing as others but with my own distinct personality. Being gay was nothing and you could talk to anyone, gay or straight, about your partner without having any surprise or even feeling like you were coming from the position of a minority.
Let it all out, but also think about whether or not the environment you're in is toxic to your identity and your personal growth and actualization.
But it's not because we're gay. It's because other people are intolerant and frightfully ignorant. Always remember that.
You're carrying a lot on your shoulders, but letting it out is important in order to really look at everything.
Also consider your location. You know that Ireland is more conservative and intolerant. Maybe you need to relocate to somewhere where more gay men are able to express themselves freely, not only as gay men, but as the individuals they are.
I'll tell you that when I went to San Francisco for one week during Pride, I experienced this amazing sense of freedom and normativity. I wasn't "the gay guy," I was just another guy who was out for the general same thing as others but with my own distinct personality. Being gay was nothing and you could talk to anyone, gay or straight, about your partner without having any surprise or even feeling like you were coming from the position of a minority.
Let it all out, but also think about whether or not the environment you're in is toxic to your identity and your personal growth and actualization.
It happens to the best of us. Luckily, you have the sense and the means to make change in your life.
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Hi noelie,
Let me start of by saying that I'm so proud of you because through all of this turmoil and sadness you are looking to the future in making your life better and that is something a lot of people cannot seem to do. Congratulations on finally being able to reveal your true self and begin the task of getting to know the real you.
I'm reading this wonderful book by a woman who calls herself SARK. It's called Transformation Soup. In it, she talks about how it's harder to accept joy than sorrow because sorrow is a familiar feeling. You've lived with sorrow over this for so long you may be holding on to it because taking the steps to being happy can be new and scary. Behind the closet door it is harsh and sad but easy and familiar but you have a great gift here. Reading the posts at JUB is like peeking through a window in the closet door and you can see that all of us on the other side, even with our drama and every day bouts of sadness, are pretty much celebrating our lives and enjoying our freedom as out and proud homosexuals. You have been carrying a persona of the straight male and that part of you does not want to die, but he's not real. The real you is the person who wrote the first message in this thread. The real you wants to see the sunlight. The real you wants to be happy.
You know the area you live in is not a good place for a gay person. Making plans to move is good. If you can find a way to move sooner, go for it and don't allow yourself to make excuses. If school and financial issues are in your way, then you have a goal to work for. In the meantime, you have your therapist, you have us, and you have your friends to help you along your way to your move, and to help you get settled in.
In regards to what happened back in 94... I'm a firm believer that the Universe has a plan for us all and while we have free will to make our own decisions in life, when our time comes, it will come. Your friend's time on this planet was done and yours wasn't. If you were with him you both might have been in the accident. He still would have passed but you might have been hurt very badly and your whole life would be different now. Don't carry that guilt with you. It's not your fault. On any given day any of us could say we should have made that phone call or shouldn't have cancelled that lunch date. Every interaction can be traced back to when we were born and forward until the day we die, but the end is simply our time to go and not the fault of anyone's actions or failure to create an action. It was a tragic and unfortunate accident but it wasn't your fault.
Know that you are loved and that we are here for you. I hope there are many more pages to this story and that you will keep us notified as things are going, will ask for help when help is needed and will share when things are going well.
Let me start of by saying that I'm so proud of you because through all of this turmoil and sadness you are looking to the future in making your life better and that is something a lot of people cannot seem to do. Congratulations on finally being able to reveal your true self and begin the task of getting to know the real you.
I'm reading this wonderful book by a woman who calls herself SARK. It's called Transformation Soup. In it, she talks about how it's harder to accept joy than sorrow because sorrow is a familiar feeling. You've lived with sorrow over this for so long you may be holding on to it because taking the steps to being happy can be new and scary. Behind the closet door it is harsh and sad but easy and familiar but you have a great gift here. Reading the posts at JUB is like peeking through a window in the closet door and you can see that all of us on the other side, even with our drama and every day bouts of sadness, are pretty much celebrating our lives and enjoying our freedom as out and proud homosexuals. You have been carrying a persona of the straight male and that part of you does not want to die, but he's not real. The real you is the person who wrote the first message in this thread. The real you wants to see the sunlight. The real you wants to be happy.
You know the area you live in is not a good place for a gay person. Making plans to move is good. If you can find a way to move sooner, go for it and don't allow yourself to make excuses. If school and financial issues are in your way, then you have a goal to work for. In the meantime, you have your therapist, you have us, and you have your friends to help you along your way to your move, and to help you get settled in.
In regards to what happened back in 94... I'm a firm believer that the Universe has a plan for us all and while we have free will to make our own decisions in life, when our time comes, it will come. Your friend's time on this planet was done and yours wasn't. If you were with him you both might have been in the accident. He still would have passed but you might have been hurt very badly and your whole life would be different now. Don't carry that guilt with you. It's not your fault. On any given day any of us could say we should have made that phone call or shouldn't have cancelled that lunch date. Every interaction can be traced back to when we were born and forward until the day we die, but the end is simply our time to go and not the fault of anyone's actions or failure to create an action. It was a tragic and unfortunate accident but it wasn't your fault.
Know that you are loved and that we are here for you. I hope there are many more pages to this story and that you will keep us notified as things are going, will ask for help when help is needed and will share when things are going well.
Georgiadude
JUB Addict
I am pretty much in the same boat as you. I am glad that you stumbled onto my post. I did not want to be gay. I did everything I could do not to admit it to myself. I ignored those feelings, I stuffed them down and thought I could control my thoughts and urges. I snuck onto the computer late at night after my wife and kids had gone to bed. It took 9 years of being married, living a lie before I admitted to myself, my wife and my mom who I really am. Now I'm getting divorced. My two children don't understand why daddy doesn't live there anymore. I didn't want to be gay either but I am. It took us that long to admit it to ourselves. Once I was able to get that off of my shoulders I felt so much better. I went out with some of the guys I met here on JUB and they helped show me I can be happy and "normal". I can have true friends that accept me for who I am. You need to change your living arrangements. Get out and discover that you are not alone. You are not some freak of nature that deserves to cast from society. You are a living breathing human that deserves to be happy.
I have made some good friends on JUB. They have helped show me I can be happy and live my life. I don't have to wear a shirt announcing that I am gay. I am the same person with the same values as before. I just happen to be gay. It's ok. Those that are your friends, if they are true friends will still be your friends. If they can't handle it. Too bad for them. You are better off.
Welcome out of the closet. Take a deep breath and enjoy the light. It is a big scarey world but you are not alone.
Steven.
I have made some good friends on JUB. They have helped show me I can be happy and live my life. I don't have to wear a shirt announcing that I am gay. I am the same person with the same values as before. I just happen to be gay. It's ok. Those that are your friends, if they are true friends will still be your friends. If they can't handle it. Too bad for them. You are better off.
Welcome out of the closet. Take a deep breath and enjoy the light. It is a big scarey world but you are not alone.
Steven.
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....I think you mean dyke and I'd be careful if I were you.
I think that Comet was just what the Doctor ordered....he seems to have helped unlock something important in your life.
Just be patient. Like a violin virtuoso....being gay does require some practise.....
I swear that there's way more to gain than to lose by being honest with yourself and all those around you. It doesn't require flags and banners or parades or shouting from the rooftops, although if that is what works, go for it.
Just. Be. Yourself.
Obviously, if you played the fine host to a lost pilot, you are a good soul.
It will all be fine.....even when it may not seem that way sometimes.
Georgiadude
JUB Addict
Noelie,
I am so happy for you and glad I can help. To read the difference in your first couple of posts to the last couple is amazing. In the beginning I was afraid you were going to take a long walk off a short bridge. I've been there and so have many other's before us. There are so many worse things in life than being gay. It took me a long time to realize who I was. All of the signs were there screaming in my face and I couldn't allow myself to see it.
It sounds like you have started to form a plan. Finish college, move to a better place and start your new life. Keep pluggin away, watch were you stick your fingers and live. You have been hiding for a long time. Now it's time to live and enjoy life. You deserve it.
Keep us posted and I wish you nothing but the best.
Steven.
I am so happy for you and glad I can help. To read the difference in your first couple of posts to the last couple is amazing. In the beginning I was afraid you were going to take a long walk off a short bridge. I've been there and so have many other's before us. There are so many worse things in life than being gay. It took me a long time to realize who I was. All of the signs were there screaming in my face and I couldn't allow myself to see it.
It sounds like you have started to form a plan. Finish college, move to a better place and start your new life. Keep pluggin away, watch were you stick your fingers and live. You have been hiding for a long time. Now it's time to live and enjoy life. You deserve it.
Keep us posted and I wish you nothing but the best.
Steven.
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I don't think it would have been appropriate to tell his family that you had an attraction to their son, and as far as the pastors, if you had told them your real feelings you may have ended up in some sick reparative therapy program. I think the way things played out after the accident were for the best. Sometimes we have to bend the truth a little in order to protect ourselves from an environment that could be harmful to us.
I'm so happy you're feeling better. Reading your post today just made my day. I remember before I came out I was so afraid of what people would think of me and afraid of changing and becoming someone different, but here's the real kicker. We, as human beings, do change and do become different. Sure I changed a lot during my 20's in coming out, but looking back on my 30's, I've changed a lot in many other ways. There's a great line from one of the Tails of the City movies were the character of Mary Ann says, "I can't even remember all the me's I've been". I think that one line says so much. And without change we grow stagnant. And I can honestly say that the person you become after you come out will look back on your pre-coming out self and wonder why you took so long. I think the only people who are more miserable after coming out are the ones never let go and allowed themselves to be happy and have problems relating more to self-esteem than being gay.
Now, to throw a little monkey wrench into the discussion, your friend who confessed to wearing panties and wanting to wear makeup may not, in fact, be gay. A large majority of transvestites are actually heterosexual. People always want to mix sexuality and gender identity together but the truth is they are very different things. A gay man who becomes a woman may still date men, does that make her gay? No. Once her identity is secure she can then figure out what her sexuality is. And sometimes straight men just like to wear dresses and makeup. It has nothing to do with wanting to be a woman or wanting to date men, it's just that they get sexually excited and mentally fulfilled by wearing women's clothing. I think a perfect world would consist of people loving who they want and being what they want without anyone else having an issue of it.
Anyway, I'm rambling again. LOL!
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
You know "gay" also means "happy", right? That's not a coincidence.
Enjoy your happiness. You've definitely earned it.
Lex
Enjoy your happiness. You've definitely earned it.
Lex
I don't know if it's possible, but perhaps a change of scene?
A new place for a new you.
That's what I've done. But I tend to run when stuff gets tough.
And be carefull with the beer. Don't drink too little!
A new place for a new you.
That's what I've done. But I tend to run when stuff gets tough.
And be carefull with the beer. Don't drink too little!
chatolandia
Eat the Halloween Candy!
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I know what you are going through
it has also taken me a long time to deal with it, growing up in a conservative catholic country, with a conservative Protestant family.
I've found that JUB, and my first pottery teacher (who happens to be and out and proud lesbian) have helped me tremendously with feeling comfortable with who I am.
It has also helped the fact that now I leave a few thousand miles and a large sea away from my family.
It is not that I don't love them, but I've seen how my gay cousin lives, and I don't want to live that way.
So I live far away, and have to deal with the long winters, but it has helped a lot...
and maybe I can move to a place with a larger gay population...
it has also taken me a long time to deal with it, growing up in a conservative catholic country, with a conservative Protestant family.
I've found that JUB, and my first pottery teacher (who happens to be and out and proud lesbian) have helped me tremendously with feeling comfortable with who I am.
It has also helped the fact that now I leave a few thousand miles and a large sea away from my family.
It is not that I don't love them, but I've seen how my gay cousin lives, and I don't want to live that way.
So I live far away, and have to deal with the long winters, but it has helped a lot...
and maybe I can move to a place with a larger gay population...
Hey Noel,
Its really great to see you making such good progress. You've come such a long way and your self belief and acceptance is growing... as is your happiness. Thats really beautiful and obvious!
My only advice is to stay put for a little while. I know you said you have some study to finish and honestly its not a bad thing.
The temptation to throw the baby out with the bath water sometimes is overwhelming. And by that I mean that when we are unhappy or feel trapped or scared we tend to look outside instead of in and we often think that big changes bring happiness not small ones.
But for me you have enough going on in your life already, let alone the pressures of a new town, new people, new places...
Ironically I'd bet 75% of people on these boards think that where they live the gay scene is either hard or non existent. That they are the only gay guys around... or the only decent ones at least! But its never really the case... you just have to look at things differently.
And from your posts you are starting to do that. The gym, the smiles. Its your attitude and approach that will bring you happiness mate, not your location. Opportunities do exist if you can open your mind and heart. If you can beleive in your own value and worth then others will too- they will be drawn to you and with new eyes you will see things you didnt know existed.
If after a period of time, time where you feel safe, relaxed, and confident in your own skin, that you still feel where you live holds you back, move then. But for now, learn to love yourself, value yourself and respect yourself. Understand how incredible amazing and unique you are - not only as you but as a gay man.
Then mate you will take happiness with you - no matter where you live. Because true happiness comes from within, not the other way round. Good luck mate!!!!!!
Its really great to see you making such good progress. You've come such a long way and your self belief and acceptance is growing... as is your happiness. Thats really beautiful and obvious!
My only advice is to stay put for a little while. I know you said you have some study to finish and honestly its not a bad thing.
The temptation to throw the baby out with the bath water sometimes is overwhelming. And by that I mean that when we are unhappy or feel trapped or scared we tend to look outside instead of in and we often think that big changes bring happiness not small ones.
But for me you have enough going on in your life already, let alone the pressures of a new town, new people, new places...
Ironically I'd bet 75% of people on these boards think that where they live the gay scene is either hard or non existent. That they are the only gay guys around... or the only decent ones at least! But its never really the case... you just have to look at things differently.
And from your posts you are starting to do that. The gym, the smiles. Its your attitude and approach that will bring you happiness mate, not your location. Opportunities do exist if you can open your mind and heart. If you can beleive in your own value and worth then others will too- they will be drawn to you and with new eyes you will see things you didnt know existed.
If after a period of time, time where you feel safe, relaxed, and confident in your own skin, that you still feel where you live holds you back, move then. But for now, learn to love yourself, value yourself and respect yourself. Understand how incredible amazing and unique you are - not only as you but as a gay man.
Then mate you will take happiness with you - no matter where you live. Because true happiness comes from within, not the other way round. Good luck mate!!!!!!
All the boys that gave me a hard time in school were really gay themselves huh... looks like you bullied a lot of people and are trying to come in terms with it.
All I can say is, I think deep down you didn't want people to just acknowledge your gayness as an acceptable thing but also as a powerful thing. That's why before you bullied people with it somewhat.
You actually hurt me though. You hurt my feelings. You didn't do what Jesus did, because I met plenty of guys like you. I end up feeling sorry for you more than anything but if you really want to know, you had an effect. I thought you were a 'man' because you were able to hurt me.
But in a way I respect you because of that (sounds kinda sick) because even though you are gay, you are still a man- and that means you are hard-wired to look for weaknesses in others. But it also means that you can actually protect and fight harder for us than a woman can. (I'm a feminist myself but I haven't lost all common sense.)
But I forgive you and everything, and I know you just did what you felt you had to and you... redeemed yourself because of this, but I just want to say, you know you're not going to find your TRUE power listening to a straight woman, right? Get a good gay male therapist to really shake you up. Could even have hot sex afterwards, since the whole 'Just feel better about yourself, you little bitch!' thing is hot to me.
If you always rely on straight women for your esteem like a lot of gay dudes you might displace emotions and still play 'straight boy fantasy land' that we all got suckered into. Best way to find that epic gay power you want is to continue to meet epic gay men. And don't associate yourself with guys who are on a lower vibrational plane than you. And be yourself. Don't conform to a notion of gayness just to feel part of a group, I respect rugged individuals more. You after all, are a man- and we love men, all their ups and downs.
All I can say is, I think deep down you didn't want people to just acknowledge your gayness as an acceptable thing but also as a powerful thing. That's why before you bullied people with it somewhat.
You actually hurt me though. You hurt my feelings. You didn't do what Jesus did, because I met plenty of guys like you. I end up feeling sorry for you more than anything but if you really want to know, you had an effect. I thought you were a 'man' because you were able to hurt me.
But in a way I respect you because of that (sounds kinda sick) because even though you are gay, you are still a man- and that means you are hard-wired to look for weaknesses in others. But it also means that you can actually protect and fight harder for us than a woman can. (I'm a feminist myself but I haven't lost all common sense.)
But I forgive you and everything, and I know you just did what you felt you had to and you... redeemed yourself because of this, but I just want to say, you know you're not going to find your TRUE power listening to a straight woman, right? Get a good gay male therapist to really shake you up. Could even have hot sex afterwards, since the whole 'Just feel better about yourself, you little bitch!' thing is hot to me.
If you always rely on straight women for your esteem like a lot of gay dudes you might displace emotions and still play 'straight boy fantasy land' that we all got suckered into. Best way to find that epic gay power you want is to continue to meet epic gay men. And don't associate yourself with guys who are on a lower vibrational plane than you. And be yourself. Don't conform to a notion of gayness just to feel part of a group, I respect rugged individuals more. You after all, are a man- and we love men, all their ups and downs.
Your Slayer Scythe?
Congrats, noelie!