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The top/bottom thing

N

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I need some serious advice.

I'm 25, and am something of a prude when it comes to sex. I've never had sex out of a relationship, primarily because it has no meaning for me. If I want some exercise, I can go play squash. So in my previous relationship, which was also incidentally my first (real) one, I dated my boyfriend for a month before we did "it." For all the time we had been dating we never talked about the top/bottom thing. We were too in love for it to matter. So on the night in question, he understood the hints I gave him and took the dominant role, which we (very) occasionally switched.

If we were to go with labels, I am what they call "bot/vers." I don't particularly like anal sex, but I fantasize about it all the time, and with my ex, we generally had frottage with him being on top.

So fast forward to today: I've broken-up with my bf, moved to a country where homosexuality is punishable by death, and against all odds I've found found a fabulous guy who's values are aligned to mine.

The problem: From the cues I've received, he's a bottom. And while we haven't talked about it, I think he likes S&M, with him being the submissive one.

What do I do??? I really like this guy. :(

:help:

-NS
(formerly CandleBoy)
 
Um what country are you talkin about here? I'm guessin Middle Eastern?

Gee, I dunno I would just go with the flow. Whatever seems right. If yall decide to do "it" ( as you put it) than just go with the flow. If he wants to bottom let him but then have him top to... I guess...

That would be my approach at least...

ISM
 
Hi isuckmen (me too btw :P),
Yes, I'm in Dubai. The proverbial pearl of the gulf. The closest thing they have to a judiciary may chose to prosecute any case based on the islamic sharia, but in most cases they don't use it to persecute gays. Joy.

-NS
 
from what I've heard...Dubai..aka the UAE is VERY progressive for the region
 
only progressive state in the region...hell..you could be in Iran, where they hang homosexuals...
 
Dude,

You want to take this, slow and very easy.

When it comes to sex, folks often tend to be very individual and some are very flexible and the others are not.

I'd stop with throwing any hints around, if I were you.

You have been friends for a while now. Both of you see this as something of a work in progress.

Take a deep breath and talk openly and honestly with each other.

He may be (just may be), stuck firmly in his ways and may be (again just may be), completely unwilling to change that, no matter what.

You may (or may not) find that he does not quite satisfy you either and you'll be going through a storm of your own creation.

What you really need to clear up is to see, how flexible are both of you willing to be and how far will you go to make each other happy and fulfilled.

SC
 
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