The Wall of Independence

[team3unusual]

so recently in the past 5-6 months i've been slowly coming out to some of my close friends. none of them have shunned me for being gay but we had our little chats about it. overall im glad that things so far turned out better than what i expected them to be.

right now i know where i should be in life and i had my doubts about being gay and all. but all in all deep down, i am not sure what to do with this issue that i'm facing.

shortly here in the next month or so i am moving down to Atlanta to get away, to gain independence. i feel like i need to do this because all my life i never had the experience of being financially independent and also living my life how i want it to happen while also accomplishing goals in my life. well anyways, my father has always dealt with all my financials; if it came from planning my future, to what i need to do for my future- it was his call and thats how it stood. i had no room to express my opinion or my ideas.

i told my mom and my brothers about my idea of moving. they all said it might be a good idea for me. although they all know that my plan won't go through with my dad. it is because my dad will question me about every idea for my plan. either about college down there, how am i going to financially survive and all that good stuff.
but really. i feel like i am ready to confront him about moving out; in somewhat sort of way. and just do it.

yet again. my family doesn't know that i'm bi. and yet, i don't know if i should tell my dad about me moving along with telling him i'm bi. or what.. because i feel comfortable with myself right now and my life and how things are. i know that this path once i take it will be difficult but i know that i can overcome it. its just that i'm not truely sure if i should just come out right before i move to Atlanta..

what would you do??

 

[Telstra]

its up to you really. everyone comes out when they are ready.

 

[boy0boy]

It's tough either way- dad might use it as extra fuel for an argument one way or the other, as in "your bi and so you wanna run away" or "you ran away and now your bi"--- so it's best to YOU yourself seperate the two, because honestly they aren't very related.

Timing is coincidental but don't take your pride in independence to move and mix it with strength to come out, try and keep them seperate because in the end you'll still be bi, but this whole independence situation can go either way.

Deal with moving out and supporting yourself, and then deal with coming out. Best wishes

 

[team3unusual]

hey thanks for the replies - you all have helped me think additionally about the issues and all about moving.

The part that deserves as much thought if not more is moving to Atlanta at 19 cuz there's a mountain of factors to consier. Do you have a plan? Do you have access to emergency funds? Do you have connections? Do you understand the vibe of the city? I realized visiting Atl. and living there are 2 different things, especially depending on what part u move to. Not to discourage you but the only people I know who move out around our age and don't hit LOTS of roadbumps is rich people, this is not a kind economy for youth right now, hell it ain't kind for people with doctorates and PhDs. --marleyisalegend

well so far my plan is to get a job down near atlanta. i'll be living with my aunt. yes i have emergency funds. i have been in atlanta for the past 5-6yrs and lived there for over 3wks straight. [yes i know its not a long time but for 5-6 yrs doing it i guess its somewhat a vibe?].

i understand that at first i might be having somewhat financial problems but i know that in the end i won't be. and once i get a good income i'm going to start back college up. yes i know i should start college right away when i move there. but then again. i'm paying for it [somewhat.. another issue w/ the dad]..

about the bi thing. i guess i'll keep quiet. but i want to start dating guys again [if i do move]. but i know my aunt might have an issue with that because she is somewhat religous. and i respect that.


-thanks again for your input!!!

 

[team3unusual]

so i've just been thinking about this whole situation lately today...
re-reading everyones posts and thinking about it..
i believe that i'm going to go through with myself moving to atlanta. so far i am planning to stay in atl. for about a year. and i told myself that if i'm doing fine then i will continue to stay. but if not, i know my family will allow myself to move back.
i just hope i'm not making a decision that i'll be later regretting thats all.

 

[team3unusual]

yeah thats true volcom. i think i'll wait till the time comes after my brothers find out first..
also, i think i'm going to at least come out to my mom and my aunt (her sister)..not sure if i should tell them before or after i move.. thats the tricky thing...
i know my mom has her speculations about me. and i know she has hinted to me several times. i guess she is waiting for me to tell her.
but i'm not sure how or when to tell my aunt...

got any ideas?

 

[954dude]

Come out when you're ready. I think your moving to Atlanta for independence is a great decision and will be liberating for you.

 

[team3unusual]

so i'm going to tell my dad about the move tonight unless he is busy with work then ill tell him tomorrow most definitely!



wish me luck
i'll keep u posted

 

[rareboy]

Independent living requires independent thinking.

If you have an actual plan for living in Atlanta, why would your Dad object?

Just ask him for advice on some aspects of it.

I'm sure that secretly he'll be proud of you leaving the nest.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Poster,

Congrats on your decision... its a big step and it sounds like you have thought it out pretty well. Just be careful, be cautious with your dough until you get on your feet - it can be tempting to just let go at the start with your new found freedom but that will catch up with you...

You dont say how well you know your Aunt. And thats a big thing. It could be the key to this working.

See, part of you wants to start living your life. As you. The honest open you. The bi you.

And in a strange city you will need a confidant, somewhere safe... no matter what the reason.

I would consider telling your aunt. Confiding in her once you get there. Tell her you need to live your life and that you are ready to grow up and learn about who you really are. Tell her you are smart and safe but this is part of you that you need to explore.

She may set some rules or she may be totally accepting. Either way moving from one lie to another isn't going to solve your problem or make you feel any freer or better. By having her support and knowing that you are safe you will have a chance to be you. The real you.

And isnt that what this move is about?

 

[team3unusual]

so tonight. me and my dad was coming home from work. and for about the first 15minutes i kept on thinking how should i tell my dad that i wanna move and go to college in Georgia.. well right when i broke the silence with the word 'dad', he asked me what i am going to do about college for this fall [because he knows that i am not going to continue at the college where i am now] - i asked him for his opinion about a 'thought' of mine.. he asked me several questions from were to live to the tuition cost. he didn't say much about it. although seemed interested in the idea. more than i thought he would. but overall he told me that he would like to see a handout about the financials that i have come up with.. and that basically ended my convo with him..

so now i know what i need to do and i'm more than stoked!



tallguy: thanks for the wishs. i'm not a big spender when it comes to accessories and what not.. but i'll keep your advice in mind. -also i appreciate your help with my issue regarding my aunt. you have truely helped me as a person to believe in what i know and feel as one.

And isnt that what this move is about?

yes its about being independent but also just being myself and to understand myself as a whole.

rareboy: thanks for the advice. he might object if he later on (after moving) finds out that i'm bi.. but right now i'm not too worried about it. i feel more confident that i have told him about my idea -that now i can ask for his opinion more often. [[he has always been rude and harsh to me..thats why]]


thanks again everyone for your help!
[i might need your all help later once i move..and telling my aunt.]

 

[team3unusual]

hey everyone!
alot has happened since i posted last.
not sure to where to start.

so dad and i got into it about moving. he 'challenged' my idea about it. because both college's that i'm looking at has a tuition that is above $20,000 a year and he was telling me how neither of us can afford a price like this. and he asked me how i can do it. i just said i work then go to school. then he laughed.. - i was just done with dealing with him. i told myself throughout the conversation that i'm not here to fight.

but also this past weekend i went to visit a few of my friends from school who live out of town. which all went great except the fact that my dad believes that the girl, jamie, who i stayed over night believes that we are boyfriend/girlfriends or friends with benefits. i just laughed and told him no. she is just one of my bestfriends from school. and overall i knew my dad wouldn't trust me anyways. but he kept antagonizing me about how i don't share my personal life with him. even though he gives me a cell phone to use for 'communication'. i don't understand the fact that if he would like to know sooo much about my personal life, then why doesn't he ask me, instead of me telling him. because truthfully, i just think he doesn't give two shakes of a stick about my life and just wants to be in control over who i see and what i do. which is another reason why i am moving to atlanta. but i also met a great great nice funny handsome guy, while i was out of town visiting my friends.
which now i believe is a problem. because yes. dun-dun-dun. we both like each other. and i told myself not to lead on/flirt with anyone for the next couple weeks till i move. and here i was this weekend flirting and cuddling with him.
we didn't do anything out of the pg-13 level saturday night. other than cuddling in the back of my truck for the night.

but i don't know what to do. i really want to say i have never felt like this about anyone before. about liking someone for who they are and not about looks or all that other crazy shit ppl tend to throw in.. we have alot in common that we like other than he likes horror movies and i don't lol..
its just i wish i met him sooner in my life before me moving to atlanta.


what do u think i should do about matt?

 

[team3unusual]

Re: The Wall of Independence - Relationships

so i know my thread hasn't really been up about independence really right now.. but i'm sure it will here shortly..

currently i am utterly confused about what i should do with my relationship with matt, whom i just recently met. i'm not in one just yet. but he asked me if i would like to be his boyfriend. i told him i would love [/B ]to although there is a chance that i'll be moving to soon, and i don't want to hurt him. and scare him away. i told him i'm willingly to work things out.
his replied saying: "i just dont' wanna be stuck on someone whos gonna live so far away and i proly will seldomly c. i mean its kinda too late cuz i already like you so much. and b4 we met you had your mind set to move" he later stated that he just wants me to be happy, and do what i think is the best for me. but then "he realizes that if i do move, things between me and him arn't gonna b able to work" and he said its up to me...


so i have revised my plan for me to move to georgia. which just had some kinks. but now that after i met him i want to move but also i want him too. and i realize that i can't have both.. its just i don't know how i can tell which one is right for me right now. i truely like him. but i truely want to move too..

a relationship or me moving ???

any help?

 

[rareboy]

^^ your looking for an excuse to prove your father right.

Actually he sounds like a real dick and you must wonder how you ended up with a complete idiot like him.

If he was any kind of a man, he'd be supporting your ambition instead of trying to trap you down at his level.

I say move. Go to college. Get an education.

 

[team3unusual]

I would stay and give things a chance with Matt .. if things dont work out then you can reconsider moving.

i thought about it. but the problem if i do move is that he currently is having problems supporting himself.

the more i realize about this relationship, the more i know it won't work out.
i believe rareboy is right.. i mean i know that matt is a great guy and all.
but i just have to focus on getting my education and get myself settled.

by all means i can always come back and see him
right??

 

[Tizinsane]

Right!

Go and live your life. You need to think about yourself first. You can always keep in touch while you're gone, too.

 

[rareboy]

Good luck with your education and exerting your independence.

^^ your (sic) looking for an excuse to prove your father right.

I must have been asleep when I typed it...but to expand on the thought, by going to college, you're going to prove your old man wrong and it sounds like he needs to learn a lesson.

I went to university on my own steam; I had to take a year off before I finished to earn some serious money and I graduated with a good chunk of debt, but no more than the cost of a new car. I think anyone can do it if they put their mind to it.

 

[team3unusual]

so its been a long time since i updated my thread and you all who have been following this and helping me via msgs.

i am currently moving this sunday to atlanta. i'm pretty much stoked about it. although its going to take quiet some time to get used to the loss of some of my friends and family.

my dad really did not say much when i told him that i'm moving and taking 1 semester off from college. the said it was a stupid idea; which might be. But i feel confident enough to find a job for the time being, and figure what i want to do about college.

in the relationship department. well matt and i decided to just be good friends. the last time i hungout with him we were at a park, sittin on a bench at night watching the waterfall. and i wanted to kiss him sooo badly but i didn't. why so. well i didn't want to lead him on and the fact that i'm moving will just leave both of us hanging desperately till i come back up to indiana again. - i mean, i might have made a stupid move not to kiss him. but i'm just worried that i'm going to lose him forever and he'll find someone better than me. which i can accept, but it will be hard.

anyways. i'm just going to get myself settled all in and what not before i start seeing anyone.

should i still tell my aunt and mom that i'm Bi?
i mean i think i'm ready but i'm not sure. because matt and i thought about getting an apartment together in the city where i used to go to college at. and i have other thoughts if we, me and matt, could try something like this if i came back to indiana.

whats your thoughts??
thanks again for all your replies and help!!