This part wouldnt fit in the previous blog post:
I left the garage after a few months and started working for a shop where I had had a Saturday job in from age 14. It was good. The money was better and it wasn't dirty! But I sunk into a major black hole that year. My best friend from my grandparents place who was a year older than me was by this time dating a steady girlfriend and didnt seem to have any time for me. The crowd of kids from the BMX days had all dispersed and I sat in my room pretty much all the time every night after work and just listened to music. Looking back on it later on, I was in the grip of depression for at least 2 years. I went out at the weekend and got drunk and angry. I was an angry and frustrated young man. I seemed to no longer have any friends and no social life and no love life, and funnily enough, still no attraction to girls.
So yeah, those were my teenage years and they pretty much sucked. I wish I could back and do them again knowing what I know now, but that's just silly of course. I often wonder if not being able to go out and sow my wild oats when I was young has affected the way I deal with sex now. How I am constantly attracted to only guys that are younger than I am. Is this some kind of attempt to make up for what was missing from that time?
I might attempt to write down what happened after that time, which is another major fuck up in my life. Maybe it helps to get these things down....
I left the garage after a few months and started working for a shop where I had had a Saturday job in from age 14. It was good. The money was better and it wasn't dirty! But I sunk into a major black hole that year. My best friend from my grandparents place who was a year older than me was by this time dating a steady girlfriend and didnt seem to have any time for me. The crowd of kids from the BMX days had all dispersed and I sat in my room pretty much all the time every night after work and just listened to music. Looking back on it later on, I was in the grip of depression for at least 2 years. I went out at the weekend and got drunk and angry. I was an angry and frustrated young man. I seemed to no longer have any friends and no social life and no love life, and funnily enough, still no attraction to girls.
So yeah, those were my teenage years and they pretty much sucked. I wish I could back and do them again knowing what I know now, but that's just silly of course. I often wonder if not being able to go out and sow my wild oats when I was young has affected the way I deal with sex now. How I am constantly attracted to only guys that are younger than I am. Is this some kind of attempt to make up for what was missing from that time?
I might attempt to write down what happened after that time, which is another major fuck up in my life. Maybe it helps to get these things down....