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this guy

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a1b2c3

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so, there´s a guy I like. and he´s straight but very comfortable with gay guys. i´ve liked him on and off (mostly on) for about two years. Should I tell him that I like him so I can just get over him, or keep my mouth shut and keep it to myself? I don´t plan on trying anything, we swim together and he knows I´m gay, but I think it might make it easier to get over him.


also, another question, I think I should get tested, just to reassure myself, but I don´t want to go to the clinic by myself because I know I would be embarassed so I want to bring a friend. my best friend doesn´t know that i´m active so I don´t want to go with her, i just don´t think it´s the right time to tell her. what kind of friend should i bring?
 
  1. I'm afraid if you tell him you'll destroy the friendship. With all do respect, friendships are not one sided
  2. If she's your best friend I would think you'd confide in eachother. If you need her with you, come clean and ask her to come along for support. There may come a time when she needs a friend and I hope you'll do the same
 
Ya' know ... I've always believed in telling the truth and having communication in friendships and relationships ... thus .. letting the chips fall where they may ... at least you don't have to tell one lie to cover up something that you did not say or that you lied about ...
I'd say go by yourself .. it is not that big of a deal .... BUT; if you REALLY do need someone to go with you ... ask your best friend .
 
Sometimes it helps to hear for certain that something isn't going to happen. If he can handle it, then tell him and if he declines, then you'll know and you can get over him. In fact, to clear the air, preface it with that before hand. Tell himt hat you knwo he's straight, but that you've been attracted to him and that in order to maintain your friendship, you just need to let him know and that if he declines, you'll accept it and be able to move on.

There's nothing to be embarassed about going to a clinic, but it can be scary. Just bring someone who knows you're active and who you can trust for support.
 
If you know that he's straight and you know nothing's gonna happen between you two, I just don't see the point of telling him. If you tell him, at best he's only going to tell you what you already know and remind you that he's straight. At worst, it might make him uncomfortable and put a strain on your friendship. The risk v. reward just doesnt seem worth it to me.
 
a1b2c3 said:
so, there´s a guy I like. and he´s straight but very comfortable with gay guys. i´ve liked him on and off (mostly on) for about two years. Should I tell him that I like him so I can just get over him, or keep my mouth shut and keep it to myself? I don´t plan on trying anything, we swim together and he knows I´m gay, but I think it might make it easier to get over him.


also, another question, I think I should get tested, just to reassure myself, but I don´t want to go to the clinic by myself because I know I would be embarassed so I want to bring a friend. my best friend doesn´t know that i´m active so I don´t want to go with her, i just don´t think it´s the right time to tell her. what kind of friend should i bring?
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don't understand why you'd be embarrassed about going to a clinic. In fact any doctors office can perfrom the necessary blood tests for HIV/hepatitis, etc. Blood tests are very common, and not just for hiv. If your clinic is specifically for hiv folk then you could have a point, but man, who the hell cares...... you are walking in to a place, no one knows you and the whole point is to get a med test. So what?
Happens all the time.
Just go, go alone, go with your best friend, go with your mom.... point is man, just go.
 
I have a little experience with the first one. Don't. It may help you get over him, but it will almost certainly destroy the friendship. It did mine.
 
Agreed with thermodynamics. If he shows no sign of "bi-ness", do not instigate. I know it hurts to spend time with someone you love without getting much in return. Love is a two way street, if he's not interested in guys, what's the point of telling him?
 
I would not tell your friend I think it would definatly freak him out and probably end your friendship. As for the testing , what would you be embarrased about??
 
If you know he's straight and he knows you're gay then what's to be gained by saying anything? This situation is something that every person, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, needs to learn to handle sooner or later: being sexually attracted to someone who, for whatever reason, is unavailable.

It's not his fault that you find him attractive, and the fact that you find anyone else attractive places absolutely no obligation on them to respond to you in kind. It would be stupid and self-destructive to think, or behave otherwise.

You should focus on the fun of the activities that you enjoy together but focus your sexual energies elsewhere. I'm all for friendships between gay and straight guys but in my view the only appropriate time for revelations like this is further down the track when you have sufficient shared history and mutual trust, and when you are certain that you no longer feel that same sexual attraction.

So far as attending the clininc is concerned: people have died from embarassment. Clinics are required to maintain anonymity. It's less embarrassing when they know absolutely nothing about you other than your test results. If you go with a friend you increase the risk of this information becoming public knowledge. If you're sexually active you'll be having tests at three monthly intervals for the forseeable future so you may as well take a deep breath and get used to the idea now. It's simply part of your normal health regime like brushing your teeth or having your eyes checked every year.
 
Let's put it this way:

How would you feel if a girl you were just friends with told you she had a mad crush on you?

I would be weirded out. It's the same thing here. Keep your mouth shut, he already knows you're gay and that's all he needs to know.
 
You should be thankful you have a wonderful straight friend who is very comfortable with gay guys. That is not always the case because many straight men feel pressured to take the friendship further (when they don't want to.) You should be happy with the friendship.

We don't want to be told to behave straight so why would you want him to reciprocate your feelings?
 
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