I know "Dorming With Dalton" was pretty popular amongst many of you here, but I just couldn't find the inspiration to write anymore of it. I'm not positive whether it's completely dead, but I'm not saying that to get your hopes up for its constant continuation. I have had a go at writing a new story and I seem to like how it's coming along so far and plan to dedicate time it. I would appreciate it greatly if someone would volunteer to proof read my writings before I submit a new chapter of this story, but if not, it's not that big of a deal. Lastly, this story moves a little slower than others so please bare with me for the time being. Thanks.
This So Called Love: Chapter One
Glass went shooting out in every direction possible as my fist made contact with the mirror hanging over my bathroom sink. The force exerted on the delicate glass was enough to cause a few sharp pieces to make contact with my face causing the delicate skin to split open. Blood began to flow from my face leaving a trail of red along my cheeks as it dripped down onto the stone countertop. My right hand also became immersed in blood as I removed it from the mirror with glass pieces still remaining in it. I briefly looked at my fist before running it under cold water gently dislodging the glass from between my knuckles. It stung momentarily as the water made contact with the fresh wounds as well as when I applied alcohol to them to prevent any infection. A quick wipe down of my face as well as a bandage around my hand finished my visit in the bathroom allowing me to make the voyage downstairs.
Hostility was still as thick in the air still as when I stormed off to my room several minutes ago. My mother remained at the kitchen island wiping down the natural stone countertop while my father had moved to the kitchen table with his laptop, most likely going over stocks. I grabbed my white hoodie off the coat hanger in the mud room in addition to my car keys before opening the wooden door leading to our side yard.
The fresh spring air rushed at me as I made my way down the cobblestone path leading towards our driveway. Rays of the sun shone through the darkening gray sky while the clouds grew more threatening as the day slowly came to an end. The tall cypresses at the edge of our property swayed in the stiffening breeze, dancing up against the iron rod fence as the wind grew more violent. It looked like it was bound to rain any moment as I quickened my pace towards the navy Jeep hitting the unlock button twice causing the headlights to flash repeatedly.
A wave of vanilla and leather in addition to a faint trace of nicotine filled my nostrils as I searched the center console of my car for the pack of cigarettes I secretly hid. No one knew of my secret addiction due to the fact that I only smoked when I was completely alone and out of sight of those I knew. Most of the time it was in my car at the end of our driveway or walking down the street after a disagreement with my parents. This had started about a year and a half ago when I tried it for the first time out of pure curiosity. The way the smoke made me warm on the inside as well as the light feeling it gave me got me hooked on it. I found myself lighting up whenever I became stressed because it would make everything I was feeling leave my body. It’s become the only thing keeping me sane while under the roof of my parents.
This time was just like every other. Dad started complaining about how our spendings every month were higher than the monthly income he provided with us while running through our finances laid out across a the kitchen table. He started yelling about my mom shopping too much while she went back at him telling him that he told her she didn’t have to change any of her current patterns since he was going to find a new job soon. They went back and forth about how the other never listens while ignoring the fact that I remained in the room. Just like every other time, I left without either of them taking any notice of me.
They both started to become more hostile with one another ever since my dad was laid off from his job. The economy was still at a low point at the time and his company was in jeopardy, even facing bankruptcy and this resulted in the laying off a majority of their staff as a search for new cheaper labor went on to save on salaries. With the amount of money they had paid my dad the company was able to hire three new recruits directly out of college. Due to his high standards, my dad refused any job offer presented to him if it was less than a vice president position. Through his pride, my dad was causing his family to suffer unnecessarily.
I grabbed the pack of cigarettes from under the papers I had in the compartment as well as a lighter and made my way round to the back of the car where I sat against the bumper and lit up. As the smoke filled my lungs it brought tranquillity as I let my mind go blank releasing all the pent up negativity. The excess smoke spiralled from my nose in two streams leaving my nostrils with a warm tingle. I absolutely loved the feeling of this as I just sat there, taking drag after drag of the cigarette.
“If you keep smoking at this rate you’ll look older than I do.”
I scanned my surroundings in search of the mysterious voice communicating with me, but there was no one on the street, in my yard, or by the fence. I ignored it while taking in another drag of my cigarette, blowing the smoke up towards the sky.
“I guess that means you aren’t stopping anytime soon.”
“Maybe I’ll listen to you if you actually show me where you are.” I looked around once again.
The hood of the car in the driveway across the street slammed shut revealing a tall guy in a white wife beater stained with grease standing before it. His face was scruffy as he ran his hand through the ashy brown hair on his head pushing it off his forehead.
“Sorry,” he wiped his hands off with a towel while making his way across the vacant street, “my sister’s car was giving her problems so I told her I’d take a look at it.”
He appeared much bigger as he stood only feet away from me in the very end of my driveway. The muscles in his arms were bulging as he stood there fondling the dirty towel in his hands glancing up at me every now and then. His deep blue eyes were to die for as he looked me in the eye every time I took the cigarette to my mouth and inhaled its toxic chemicals.
“You really should stop smoking though; you’re too young to be doing it.”
“Who are you to say?” I put the cigarette out on the bumper of my car. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”
“Well, that may be true, but every time I’ve seen you outside you’ve been smoking. I also know you’re only in high school so you’re smoking underage too.”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because I see myself in you so much when I look at you.” He sat down next to me, his body heat evident as well as his masculine scent. “You come out here looking miserable, like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and the instant you light up and inhale that smoke, you look relaxed. I don‘t know what you‘re dealing with in your personal life, but when I was your age I picked up the same habit as an escape from my own issues and became addicted for years to come. This is actually the first spring I‘m free of nicotine since my senior year.” He smirked to himself. “I just don’t want to see you follow the same path I did.”
“Congratulations, I really mean it,” I said as I looked at the butt in my hand. “It must have been hard to stop.”
“Trust me, it was. It became such second nature to me since I’ve been doing it every single day of my life several times a day over four years. The instant I woke up, I had a cigarette. After a shower, I had a cigarette. Driving to school, I had...”
“A cigarette, I know, you don’t have to tell me.”
“Sorry,” he laughed, “I’m just trying to tell you that it becomes such a part of your life that the longer you wait to stop, the harder it gets. I just want to possibly help you out.”
“Well thank you…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Oh, that’s my fault.” He wiped his right hand in the towel before sticking it out towards me. “My name’s Sam.”
“Taylor.” I shook his hand firmly.
“I guess our parents both liked unisex names, huh.”
“Apparently so.” We both laughed for a brief moment. “You know, I never liked my name for that reason.”
“Excuse me?”
“The kids in my class used to make fun of me because they thought I had a girl’s name. Little kids can be so mean without even realizing it.”
“You’re serious?”
“Completely. I used to hate my name so much that I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to legally change it to something more common.”
“Do you still want to change it?”
“No, I’ve grown to like it, quite a lot actually, as I got older. I like having an uncommon name now, it makes me feel unique.”
“Well, I like it and am glad you decided to keep it.” He got off the bumper of the car and stretched his arms behind his head, lifting the white tank top up some revealing two of his abs. “I best be going, I don’t want to waste anymore of your time.”
“You really aren’t wasting my time, I enjoyed talking with you.”
“Regardless, I’m sure you have better things to do instead of talking to some guy on your street that you don’t even know that well.”
“Alright then.” I hopped off the bumper as well, fixing my clothes so they looked nice again. “I’ll see you around some time?”
“I’m sure we’ll cross paths again.”
I watched him cross the street and make his way up the cobblestone driveway until he was out of sight.
My mind began to wander getting lost in fantasies and desires I created on the spot about Sam, imagining us together doing things we should not be doing. I stopped myself before I got too carried away, clearing my mind of everything, letting it go blank once again. I got in my car, started the powerful engine, and started driving not knowing my destination.
Passing by the neighbors’ houses as I drove aimlessly down the empty street they seemed like empty shells staring at me with sightless eyes. The trees lining the road blurred together, losing any distinguishing detail as I looked out the side window every so often. The sun was completely blocked now behind the black clouds as rain drops began to fall wetting the road and everything around me. I turned my wipers on, clearing the windshield of splattered rain, wishing my own life had set of them to wipe my personal windshield of any distractions.
As I continued to drive, my mind repeatedly returned to Sam. I kept seeing him standing before me in his tank top and jeans both stained with grease. I kept seeing him running his hand through his hair while smiling at me revealing his straight white teeth. My mind kept telling me that it wanted him, rather badly, when physically I couldn’t have him. The once peaceful place of my mind was now at war with clashing thoughts and emotions.
Regardless of how hard I tried to block out these thoughts of him, they returned the instant I stopped fighting them. No matter how much I didn’t want them floating around in my head they continued to do so. I was completely stumped by so many thoughts about some guy when currently I was in a relationship with a girl. I have a girlfriend who I find appealing and sexually satisfying yet I again am having these thoughts about a man. The more I focused on this clash of ideas the closer I found myself approaching a place that was very familiar to me.
The fenced in properties with the tree lined streets came to an end as the normal suburbs began with mediocre homes and average cars in the driveways. Houses were closer together and the amount of property allotted to each residence was noticeably smaller than what I became accustomed to. This part of town was still in the school district that I attend, but was more affordable for families lacking high paying jobs. My family once used to call this part of town home when I was just a small boy in elementary school when my dad was just a paper pusher at his company. In a way, knowing there was a better part of town to live in motivated my dad to make progress in his career.
The street I was driving down brought back memories; I saw myself riding my bike with friends on the side of the streets pedaling faster and faster racing one another. I saw people who once used to live in these houses washing their cars or running through the sprinklers on the grass trying to stay cool in the hot summer sun. I passed by our old home which brought back more memories, like the three of us playing soccer in the front yard every Sunday afternoon. Memories of the three of us being completely happy before money and materials took over our lives.
These memories didn’t last long as the white Cape Cod style house with black shutters was no longer present in my rear-view mirror. Although seeing the house took me back to happy moments of my past, the experience as a whole saddened me as it always did. Sometimes when my parents are fighting I’ll leave and drive to this part of town just to remember the good times we shared with one another. However, each time I came back here it granted me happiness less and less. It was slowly becoming numb to me, as the once joyous times fostered less emotion. Knowing that this too eventually will be just a part of my past scares me since it’s the last thing about my family that still makes me happy.
I stopped the car in front of a small brick colonial house and knew where my mind had taken me. I knew what I needed to accomplish here and braced myself for the upcoming conversations that would most likely not end positively. My mind began to rush again. It rushed back to the past around a year ago where I was sitting on a wooden bench with my head in my hands while a girl across the yard paced back and forth. Chills ran through my body just from remembering small snatches of our conversation. My attempts to block out any further memories were to no avail as my brain brought me back to that summer day where everything almost fell apart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This So Called Love: Chapter One
Glass went shooting out in every direction possible as my fist made contact with the mirror hanging over my bathroom sink. The force exerted on the delicate glass was enough to cause a few sharp pieces to make contact with my face causing the delicate skin to split open. Blood began to flow from my face leaving a trail of red along my cheeks as it dripped down onto the stone countertop. My right hand also became immersed in blood as I removed it from the mirror with glass pieces still remaining in it. I briefly looked at my fist before running it under cold water gently dislodging the glass from between my knuckles. It stung momentarily as the water made contact with the fresh wounds as well as when I applied alcohol to them to prevent any infection. A quick wipe down of my face as well as a bandage around my hand finished my visit in the bathroom allowing me to make the voyage downstairs.
Hostility was still as thick in the air still as when I stormed off to my room several minutes ago. My mother remained at the kitchen island wiping down the natural stone countertop while my father had moved to the kitchen table with his laptop, most likely going over stocks. I grabbed my white hoodie off the coat hanger in the mud room in addition to my car keys before opening the wooden door leading to our side yard.
The fresh spring air rushed at me as I made my way down the cobblestone path leading towards our driveway. Rays of the sun shone through the darkening gray sky while the clouds grew more threatening as the day slowly came to an end. The tall cypresses at the edge of our property swayed in the stiffening breeze, dancing up against the iron rod fence as the wind grew more violent. It looked like it was bound to rain any moment as I quickened my pace towards the navy Jeep hitting the unlock button twice causing the headlights to flash repeatedly.
A wave of vanilla and leather in addition to a faint trace of nicotine filled my nostrils as I searched the center console of my car for the pack of cigarettes I secretly hid. No one knew of my secret addiction due to the fact that I only smoked when I was completely alone and out of sight of those I knew. Most of the time it was in my car at the end of our driveway or walking down the street after a disagreement with my parents. This had started about a year and a half ago when I tried it for the first time out of pure curiosity. The way the smoke made me warm on the inside as well as the light feeling it gave me got me hooked on it. I found myself lighting up whenever I became stressed because it would make everything I was feeling leave my body. It’s become the only thing keeping me sane while under the roof of my parents.
This time was just like every other. Dad started complaining about how our spendings every month were higher than the monthly income he provided with us while running through our finances laid out across a the kitchen table. He started yelling about my mom shopping too much while she went back at him telling him that he told her she didn’t have to change any of her current patterns since he was going to find a new job soon. They went back and forth about how the other never listens while ignoring the fact that I remained in the room. Just like every other time, I left without either of them taking any notice of me.
They both started to become more hostile with one another ever since my dad was laid off from his job. The economy was still at a low point at the time and his company was in jeopardy, even facing bankruptcy and this resulted in the laying off a majority of their staff as a search for new cheaper labor went on to save on salaries. With the amount of money they had paid my dad the company was able to hire three new recruits directly out of college. Due to his high standards, my dad refused any job offer presented to him if it was less than a vice president position. Through his pride, my dad was causing his family to suffer unnecessarily.
I grabbed the pack of cigarettes from under the papers I had in the compartment as well as a lighter and made my way round to the back of the car where I sat against the bumper and lit up. As the smoke filled my lungs it brought tranquillity as I let my mind go blank releasing all the pent up negativity. The excess smoke spiralled from my nose in two streams leaving my nostrils with a warm tingle. I absolutely loved the feeling of this as I just sat there, taking drag after drag of the cigarette.
“If you keep smoking at this rate you’ll look older than I do.”
I scanned my surroundings in search of the mysterious voice communicating with me, but there was no one on the street, in my yard, or by the fence. I ignored it while taking in another drag of my cigarette, blowing the smoke up towards the sky.
“I guess that means you aren’t stopping anytime soon.”
“Maybe I’ll listen to you if you actually show me where you are.” I looked around once again.
The hood of the car in the driveway across the street slammed shut revealing a tall guy in a white wife beater stained with grease standing before it. His face was scruffy as he ran his hand through the ashy brown hair on his head pushing it off his forehead.
“Sorry,” he wiped his hands off with a towel while making his way across the vacant street, “my sister’s car was giving her problems so I told her I’d take a look at it.”
He appeared much bigger as he stood only feet away from me in the very end of my driveway. The muscles in his arms were bulging as he stood there fondling the dirty towel in his hands glancing up at me every now and then. His deep blue eyes were to die for as he looked me in the eye every time I took the cigarette to my mouth and inhaled its toxic chemicals.
“You really should stop smoking though; you’re too young to be doing it.”
“Who are you to say?” I put the cigarette out on the bumper of my car. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”
“Well, that may be true, but every time I’ve seen you outside you’ve been smoking. I also know you’re only in high school so you’re smoking underage too.”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because I see myself in you so much when I look at you.” He sat down next to me, his body heat evident as well as his masculine scent. “You come out here looking miserable, like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and the instant you light up and inhale that smoke, you look relaxed. I don‘t know what you‘re dealing with in your personal life, but when I was your age I picked up the same habit as an escape from my own issues and became addicted for years to come. This is actually the first spring I‘m free of nicotine since my senior year.” He smirked to himself. “I just don’t want to see you follow the same path I did.”
“Congratulations, I really mean it,” I said as I looked at the butt in my hand. “It must have been hard to stop.”
“Trust me, it was. It became such second nature to me since I’ve been doing it every single day of my life several times a day over four years. The instant I woke up, I had a cigarette. After a shower, I had a cigarette. Driving to school, I had...”
“A cigarette, I know, you don’t have to tell me.”
“Sorry,” he laughed, “I’m just trying to tell you that it becomes such a part of your life that the longer you wait to stop, the harder it gets. I just want to possibly help you out.”
“Well thank you…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Oh, that’s my fault.” He wiped his right hand in the towel before sticking it out towards me. “My name’s Sam.”
“Taylor.” I shook his hand firmly.
“I guess our parents both liked unisex names, huh.”
“Apparently so.” We both laughed for a brief moment. “You know, I never liked my name for that reason.”
“Excuse me?”
“The kids in my class used to make fun of me because they thought I had a girl’s name. Little kids can be so mean without even realizing it.”
“You’re serious?”
“Completely. I used to hate my name so much that I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to legally change it to something more common.”
“Do you still want to change it?”
“No, I’ve grown to like it, quite a lot actually, as I got older. I like having an uncommon name now, it makes me feel unique.”
“Well, I like it and am glad you decided to keep it.” He got off the bumper of the car and stretched his arms behind his head, lifting the white tank top up some revealing two of his abs. “I best be going, I don’t want to waste anymore of your time.”
“You really aren’t wasting my time, I enjoyed talking with you.”
“Regardless, I’m sure you have better things to do instead of talking to some guy on your street that you don’t even know that well.”
“Alright then.” I hopped off the bumper as well, fixing my clothes so they looked nice again. “I’ll see you around some time?”
“I’m sure we’ll cross paths again.”
I watched him cross the street and make his way up the cobblestone driveway until he was out of sight.
My mind began to wander getting lost in fantasies and desires I created on the spot about Sam, imagining us together doing things we should not be doing. I stopped myself before I got too carried away, clearing my mind of everything, letting it go blank once again. I got in my car, started the powerful engine, and started driving not knowing my destination.
Passing by the neighbors’ houses as I drove aimlessly down the empty street they seemed like empty shells staring at me with sightless eyes. The trees lining the road blurred together, losing any distinguishing detail as I looked out the side window every so often. The sun was completely blocked now behind the black clouds as rain drops began to fall wetting the road and everything around me. I turned my wipers on, clearing the windshield of splattered rain, wishing my own life had set of them to wipe my personal windshield of any distractions.
As I continued to drive, my mind repeatedly returned to Sam. I kept seeing him standing before me in his tank top and jeans both stained with grease. I kept seeing him running his hand through his hair while smiling at me revealing his straight white teeth. My mind kept telling me that it wanted him, rather badly, when physically I couldn’t have him. The once peaceful place of my mind was now at war with clashing thoughts and emotions.
Regardless of how hard I tried to block out these thoughts of him, they returned the instant I stopped fighting them. No matter how much I didn’t want them floating around in my head they continued to do so. I was completely stumped by so many thoughts about some guy when currently I was in a relationship with a girl. I have a girlfriend who I find appealing and sexually satisfying yet I again am having these thoughts about a man. The more I focused on this clash of ideas the closer I found myself approaching a place that was very familiar to me.
The fenced in properties with the tree lined streets came to an end as the normal suburbs began with mediocre homes and average cars in the driveways. Houses were closer together and the amount of property allotted to each residence was noticeably smaller than what I became accustomed to. This part of town was still in the school district that I attend, but was more affordable for families lacking high paying jobs. My family once used to call this part of town home when I was just a small boy in elementary school when my dad was just a paper pusher at his company. In a way, knowing there was a better part of town to live in motivated my dad to make progress in his career.
The street I was driving down brought back memories; I saw myself riding my bike with friends on the side of the streets pedaling faster and faster racing one another. I saw people who once used to live in these houses washing their cars or running through the sprinklers on the grass trying to stay cool in the hot summer sun. I passed by our old home which brought back more memories, like the three of us playing soccer in the front yard every Sunday afternoon. Memories of the three of us being completely happy before money and materials took over our lives.
These memories didn’t last long as the white Cape Cod style house with black shutters was no longer present in my rear-view mirror. Although seeing the house took me back to happy moments of my past, the experience as a whole saddened me as it always did. Sometimes when my parents are fighting I’ll leave and drive to this part of town just to remember the good times we shared with one another. However, each time I came back here it granted me happiness less and less. It was slowly becoming numb to me, as the once joyous times fostered less emotion. Knowing that this too eventually will be just a part of my past scares me since it’s the last thing about my family that still makes me happy.
I stopped the car in front of a small brick colonial house and knew where my mind had taken me. I knew what I needed to accomplish here and braced myself for the upcoming conversations that would most likely not end positively. My mind began to rush again. It rushed back to the past around a year ago where I was sitting on a wooden bench with my head in my hands while a girl across the yard paced back and forth. Chills ran through my body just from remembering small snatches of our conversation. My attempts to block out any further memories were to no avail as my brain brought me back to that summer day where everything almost fell apart.
