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Threesome issue....

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weeklyrentalbb

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Okay my boyfriend of a year has this fantasy of having a threesome with me and someone else. I'm not at all fond of the idea. He knows I want nothing to do with it yet he still keeps telling me about his friends who would be interested in joining us as if it would some how persuade me. It pisses me off. During sex he likes to fantasize someone with us, but for me it kills my mood almost instantly, especially when he asks ME who I would want to join us. I've told him no yet he keeps on mentioning it. I need advice on what to do with this situation. I'm at the point where I don't even want to talk about it with him. Am I being too closed minded and just give in, or should I stand my ground? Sorry if it's long but I need some other opinions to shed light on my predicament.
 
If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. Definitely don't do it over your own reservations just to please him.

What you need to be talking about is not the threesome, but why he's ignoring your feelings on the issue and trying to pressure you into doing something he knows you're not comfortable with.
 
Like they said its all about yours and his feelings.. maybe something is getting a little booring and wants something to mix it up. I know thats one of my fantasies but i think its normal and healthy to fantize about it. but do what you need to do. Stand up for yourself and maybe do some role playing in bed.
 
TX-Beau said:
If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. Definitely don't do it over your own reservations just to please him.

What you need to be talking about is not the threesome, but why he's ignoring your feelings on the issue and trying to pressure you into doing something he knows you're not comfortable with.
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Very well said,

he needs to respect your feelings, and if he does care about you then he will. But feel presured to do something you dont want to do...
 
Stand your ground. No one ought to do anything with which they are uncomfortable. Doing it to please him won't work for you.
 
As cruel as this may sound, if he doesn't care that it bothers you and still talks about with friends and tries to coerce you into it...maybe he's just not who you thought he was...people change...he should be putting your feelings, not his cock(and fantasies) first...Lay it out CLEARLY that it bothers you and that it hurts you when he still goes on about it...hopefully he's just horny and he'll get over it...and if he wants it that bad, tell him to rent a 3-some porn...
 
Yup, he wants to project his sexual feelings towards others outside your relationship. He's ignoring your feelings on the subject and keeps pressuring you because he wants to appear to sound faithful.

You need to put your foot down and explain to him enough is enough and it's not going to happen. If he can't handle that, then maybe the two of you are not compatible and want different things.
 
You need to put your foot down and explain to him enough is enough and it's not going to happen. If he can't handle that, then maybe the two of you are not compatible and want different things.
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I think it is already over. You are definitely not compatible.
 
Thanks for all the advice. I talked with him over the weekend. I pretty much just looked him in the eyes said that I was not comfortable about it, I'm not interested, it kills my mood, and to not bring it up again. The next time I want to hear about it I'd let him know but until then he'll have to keep it to himself. He was not happy but I think really talking to him seriously about it and how it was bothering me opened his eyes a little bit. But l'll see if it worked.
 
He's into non-monogamy, you're a monogamist.

Relationships in which one or both parties have to change or suppress some basic part of themselves are doomed to fail.
 
weeklyrentalbb said:
Thanks for all the advice. I talked with him over the weekend. I pretty much just looked him in the eyes said that I was not comfortable about it, I'm not interested, it kills my mood, and to not bring it up again. The next time I want to hear about it I'd let him know but until then he'll have to keep it to himself. He was not happy but I think really talking to him seriously about it and how it was bothering me opened his eyes a little bit. But l'll see if it worked.
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Good for you. It’s possible that for him sex and emotions are not inextricably tied. I’m like that myself; it simply doesn’t bother me if my partner wants a threesome or wants to hook up. There are rules of course, and where I get twitchy is if my partner starts ignoring me, or starts doing something that looks suspiciously like dating with some other guy, but just sex, not really an issue, especially if he wants to include me.

Some guys are like that some aren’t, I’ve been in both open and monogamous relationships before and you have to stick to the rules you set either way, and make sure your partner has first priority.

I suggest you find a way to have the boundary conversation in a non-confrontational way just to be sure everyone is using the same rulebook.
 
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