Threesome?

[GayPenguin12]

Hi Guys,

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

I have been with my partner for five years--we've lived together for four, have a dog, get along amazingly, sex is great. Life's perfect!

But I would like to try a threesome. It is not to compensate for our love life--like I wrote, sex is great--but I've always wanted to try a threesome (or group!).

How do I bring it up to him without it making it seem like I want to try it because I'm not satisfied with him?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Guys!

 

[MindBlast]

Threesomes are often hotter on paper than they are in practice. Usually what ends up happening is one guy feels a little more left out. I'm speaking from experience here. It might be best left a fantasy.

That said, if it's REALLY something you want to do, you can bring it up like this: "I think it would be really hot to have a threesome, what do you think?"

And if you do, you both have to select the man together.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Good heavens man. You've been able to find a man of five years and have successfully built a home and a life together of four. Your sex is great and you describe your life as perfect.

What more do you want? Be content with your life, and live it without complicating things.

A threesome is always complicated and compromises the intimacy of your relationship. Since your relationship is based on emotions and love, a threesome messes with that. It's not just sex, because the sex is affecting the emotional connection of your relationship. This can lead to jealousies, a third guy with ulterior motives, possible STDs, gossip, and a sudden depreciation for the relationship you have.

Why complicate that?

As a single man who can have sex with anyone I want and has had threesomes, I would gladly trade my lifestyle for the wonderful relationship you have.

 

[Seasoned]

My husband and I are a half a year away from our 30th anniversary. We still talk about the time we came close to a three way and while there might still be a bit of a turn on when we remember that night we are both grateful it didn't happen. We are all wired differently. I guess some couples would treat it as casually as going to just another night out. I know that had my husband and I actually followed through on it, our addictive personalities would have taken over. Somehow we knew that and opted instead for other kinds of sexual playfulness, role-play, unconventional venues, semi-public, safe public, etc.

As far as bringing up the topic, talking about it while both being turned on or while watching 3-way porn or while sharing a porn star dildo might be the way to go. And if he goes for it, I'd suggest doing it while on vacation somewhere at least for the first time.

I'm trying to paint myself as open, but if the topic hasn't come up before you might be correct that you could misrepresent yourself as dissatisfied.

 

[aaggii]

We are different as people, so we are different as couples. If it´s good or bad for most of other couples, it doesn´t mean it should be like that for you guys. Just ask him about his fantasies or fantasies before meeting you, then say yours to him and ask for an opinion and if he would ever do it. It´s just talk, if you are together for 5 years, I´m sure you two are confident about each other enough to talk about stuff like this. Think about the couples who swing, for example. They have fun and are still happy together. I wish I could be like this, instead of the insecure and jealous type that I am.

To finish it, TALK with your guy!

 

[Rolyo85]

Every couple deals differently with the threesome issue. All I can say is that if you've been happy together for five years, you should have no trouble conveying your wishes to him without giving him the wrong impression.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

It was my experience that people felt left out. IMO, I see no good coming from it if you're in a happy relationship.

If you were single it might be a fun experience but I wouldn't jeopardize a good thing if you've got it.

 

[racer2438]

As all have pointed out, it's not all that, and if you have it going good/great now---why risk it by putting a kink in it. If you do bring it up and he say's no--then what? you will always still be thinking about it, and he may think you may want to try it somewhere-some how, and cast doubt, trust issues.

I have been with my honey for 28+ yrs now and we would never risk something like that. We are perfectly happy at the place we are, are sex is better than. We had offers from guys and even one/two friends but we declind right then and there. We don't need it.

But if one is single and willing to find people for it, then it could be fun cuz there is no strings attached and all can just walk away after.

My advice to you, is don't do it, keep it real with who ur with...

 

[thewiz]

I dated a guy before my hubby who loved three-ways. Seemed like every time we had a weekend free, we had a threesome that he had set up (which raised a whole other set of questions on his being on sex sites). I can only think of one that we all seemed to be equally balanced; normally two of us were "in" and one was out or so it felt.

What the hubby and i have found "erotic" is watching another couple while we have sex. No one is left out and we don't have to worry about catching anything. It's like 3D porn.

 

[MorrisseyX]

A threesome can be very complicated let's say if the third guy and your man have better sexual chemistry then what do you do? Sometimes a person can feel like the third wheel in a threesome. The OP says everything is going well so why spoil a good thing? Your partner seems content with you so I think you should enjoy your happiness. Don't make life more complicated than it needs to be.

 

[Rolyo85]

I think threesomes are kinda like open relationships. They work more rarely than they don't, but they can be awesome if they do. You just gotta have a good sense of what type of sexual chemistry your relationship has, and how that dynamic would respond to adding a third. I wouldn't buy all the gloom and doom warnings, but you HAVE to be very thoughtful about this.

 

[future_retro]

If you're really satisfied with your sex life as it is, I wouldn't bother risking it. Once you have a threesome you can never unhave it.

 

[rareboy]

Use a threesome as your jerk off fantasy.

 

[future_retro]

Out of interest, there must be some people reading this thread who are in relationships and have threesomes, and for whom it works. Whenever this topic comes up, there are always those who theoretically support the idea, but few who say "we have threesomes as a couple and it's great - it works for us". At least not long-term couples. It would be interesting to hear from any who are reading this and have direct, lasting and positive experiences of threesomes within a relationship. How did it start? Were there any problems? How often do you have threesomes? Do you still have regular one-on-one sex with each other? Etc.

 

[GayPenguin12]

Thanks so much for the advice, guys! We are very open with each other, so I think we could discuss it. It seems like whenever I get super horny, I think about it a lot (not much of a surprise!) . I think if we did it, we would be okay, but if we didn't I would be okay with the way things are. Thanks for helping me think through it! I kinda wanna try making a video, so maybe I'll approach that first I don't know why I've become so much of a horn dog lately....

 

[EJMichaels]

Out of interest, there must be some people reading this thread who are in relationships and have threesomes, and for whom it works. Whenever this topic comes up, there are always those who theoretically support the idea, but few who say "we have threesomes as a couple and it's great - it works for us". At least not long-term couples. It would be interesting to hear from any who are reading this and have direct, lasting and positive experiences of threesomes within a relationship. How did it start? Were there any problems? How often do you have threesomes? Do you still have regular one-on-one sex with each other? Etc.

Been with someone 15 years and we have a third person once in a while, maybe a few times a year. It's usually a visiting friend who would be there even if there wasn't sex, or at a sexually-oriented party where it happened spontaneously. He's usually too shy for sex in "public", so sex at parties is more likely to be me and another woman or couple. If we're with a man, my partner doesn't interact sexually with him.

It's always people we both would otherwise be socializing with (dinner, no sex, etc. most of the time). I'd be interested in having sex with almost anyone I considered a friend, but in reality it's happened with only a few of them. It has no detectable impact on our sex life other than to make sure I keep active my license to practice lesbianism. I'm concerned it will be revoked now that I'm spending so much time with straight people. Oh, I should mention that we do BDSM but not "sex" with a lot of people, together and separately.