Tired of being alone

[FloridaBoi]

I am 21 and I have never had a boyfriend, Ive never hugged a guy, Never kissed a guy, Never had anything with a guy or girl as far as that goes. I know you guys probably get threads like this all of the time but I dont really have anyone to talk to.

I only have 1 real friend and I try to get her to go to a club with me but she isnt really into clubs either. I dont know how to meet guys. I just get so tired of being alone and seeing everyone else with their boyfriends and having to do everything alone. I dont know how to explain how I feel maybe this isnt making any sence.

I blame alot of my problems on my self-esteem. I dont go out alot because I feel bad about my weight. I dont think I am ugly at all I just dont think that I am very attractive to men because of my weight which I know is probably mostly just all in my head. Im just not comfortable with myself. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find the right guy.

Maybe its because I am mostly only attracted to black guys? I dont know Im just depressed and didnt have anyone else to talk to and just needed to let it all out, Thanks for listening guys...


-Matthew

 

[Gin&Tonic]

oh Matthew, I totally know how you feel dude.
I have never had a REAL boyfriend either.
Do something nice for yourself. Get some new clothes, hair cut, and you'll see that it can make a world of difference.

You should follow your own advise 'I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for something I'm not. '

hugs

Brad

 

[FloridaBoi]

I came out in may thinking that would help things but it hasnt helped much at all.

 

[G-Lexington]

My general advice in your situation is "If you can't love you, it's gonna be hard for someone else to come along and love you." So why don't you love you? Yeah, maybe you're overweight - and I left some generic advice on that in G&T's thread - but there are overweight guys who love themselves. And overweight guys who have boyfriends. Losing the weight won't suddenly make everything sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.

Start working on loving yourself. Love who you are. If you love bowling, ceramics, and Miley Cyrus, groovy - LOVE them. Go have a great time bowling, have a ball painting or collecting your ceramics, and crank up your Hannah Monata CDs. Don't be afraid of being who you are. Glory in it. That love is contagious. You may not find guys who love bowling, ceramics, and/or Miley Cyrus necessarily, but they'll love your love.

Lex

 

[racer2438]

So try working on the issues that may be bothering you. Start going to a gym and get in better shape, you dont have to be a model. But that will start your healing process of you self esteem. That alone does wonders. It will help with stress and alot of things. Start finding who you are and what makes you happy, and what relieves stress a combination of these things can work.

But if you dont put in the effort it wont show.

I know ealier said than done but it's a start, plus you meet new people at the gym and before you know it you are going to have to carry a stick to beat them back.

Sure there are chub lovers out there but in general just having your good health is worth a whole lot more.

And most important is not to rush into a relationship out of dispare. They take time to fine the right one. As you can find alot of wrong ones and set you back in depression and start the cycle all over again.

your still very young and you can start here first.

 

[Tizinsane]

Yep! I know exactly what you're going through. You got to take baby steps each and everyday. (ever seen the movie What About Bob?) Don't try to do too much at once. Work on one thing today, another issue tomorrow. You'll start to feel better and better about yourself.

 

[KölnElch]

Hey FloridaBoi,

I am pretty much in the same situation as you and I'm 32.
No sex, no bf. Well at least I was hugging/kissing TWICE in my whole life.
I don't have the solution yet, but I can tell you:
Don't make the same mistakes as me. Don't rush it but don't take it as slow as me...

and: you won't find a guy within your 4 walls.

About looks:
I often notice situations where I feel attracted to a certain guy, and only later I see that he has same or similar "problems" as me...
like, when I was attracted to a guy with some weight (but he had beeeeeaaaaautiful eyes), or last week a guy with heavy acne in his face but he was so cute...
stuff like that.
It happens, and I'm perfectionist, so it also could happen to you or me.

why would it be a problem to be attracted to black men?

 

[Rick18]

I wouldn't necessarily say you don't find love or friendship in a bar, I've definitely made a lot of friends from going clubbing; I would just say don't go there looking to make friends/boyfriends, because a lot of people aren't there for anything except having fun with people they already know, or getting laid. I know the whole dragging friends out thing way too well, it's a lot easier to make friends out of the gay scene and then go into a club with them, than meeting people at a club and hanging out with them.