Tired of the lesbian drama...

[lamiejamie]

Hey everyone, I'm new to JUB! Well, I've browsed it as a regular lurker, but finally decided to join the forums.

So a little about myself I guess.. Well I basically repressed myself from having any fun/any sort of life in high school because I didn't want to accept the possibility that I was gay. I hide it from my family because I come from a very conservative/baptist background, and I know they wouldn't accept me (once my mom found a dirty mag in my bedroom and, well.... that's a WHOLE 'nother story )

I think I finally accepted myself last summer... interestingly my grades in college shot up and I was happy for maybe the first time in 20 yrs. I then came out to an old high school buddy that I knew was lesbian, and we hit it off really well! It was great to be able to actually talk to a real person that was also gay. We had that in common, and I felt like just that was enough to keep our friendship going really strong. We would talk about being gay, coming out, our families, how it affects our lives, etc. I soon realized that I was growing more and more jealous of her "story" every time I heard it. Her family is very accepting and loving of her, and they have a great relationship.

Another friend sort of "came out" lesbian to us this last new year's, and so that was another friend I felt like I could be closer to. Well, she thought she was "maybe" lesbian. After that, we started talking more, and I found that she would get soooo angry/never want to really talk about the gay stuff. Maybe I bugged her about it too much? Being in the closet for 21 years I guess makes a person extra chatty... So my first lesbian friend hears about how I'm "giving her a hard time" and chews me out. The next thing I know, the first lesbian, her family, the second "lesbian" and all of her family are all against me and attacking me. Lesbian #1 think i'm too dirty and not everyone wants to talk about gay things and about sex. Lesbian #2 is sick of me pushing her towards being gay or something i guess... I can't tell.

I think I've peaked on my "happy" mountain and am on the way back down... Is this what being gay is like, full of drama and "friends" only halfway accepting you? I wish I had some friends who were also gay, and where were also men, so that I can talk to them about it.. Anyways, I decided to join here finally so I could maybe let off some steam (obviously) and meet some people... Ok well, I feel a little better already, time to finish it off with a shot...?

been thinking about looking into some centers or something around my area to meet some people... is it time for me to move on and cut ties w/ these people or try to make amends? Was I wrong to assume that gay people should automatically get along with one another? Or am I over analyzing things...

 

[lamiejamie]

ahha oops I thought I lost that other thread.... sorry! going to delete this if I can figure out how

*reads the JUB "help" page*

i guess i can't delete the post. Really sorry everyone about the double post! brand new to forums and JUB. sorry for the newbie fail!

 

[rareboy]

Is this what being gay is like, full of drama and "friends" only halfway accepting you? I wish I had some friends who were also gay, and where were also men

Being gay is what you make it.

If you want friends go out and get some. don't wait for them to magically come to you or just sit around and hope that more of your friends decide to come out.

Don't want lesbian drama? Then don't play the game. Just tell them you aren't in high school any more, don't need the drama and hysterics and they can either sort it out or do without your friendship. And mean it.

 

[KaraBulut]

i guess i can't delete the post. Really sorry everyone about the double post! brand new to forums and JUB. sorry for the newbie fail!

It's fine to have two posts. Your other post is in "Introductions" which is forum where people will say, "Hi, welcome to JUB" but won't really give advise.

If you are looking for suggestions, this forum -CO&R - is a better choice.

And it's correct- you have several minutes where you can go back and edit your posts. After that time expires, you have to ask a moderator to change/delete it for you. On the left panel (<--------over there) is "Report Post" link that you can use to send a note to the moderator queue if this ever happens to you in the future.

In the meantime, welcome to JUB and congrats on your first posts.

 

[G-Lexington]

It seems people are taking a cue from reality TV, and if they don't have some sort of crisis every half hour, they have to manufacture it. Sorry, no. And people seem to think they're required to take part in drama when it appears in front of them. You're not. You can simply let it lie there. If someone tries dragging you in, you simply minimize contact with them, and don't get involved in their soap operas.

Lex

 

[lamiejamie]

Thanks for the posts everyone! It has made me feel a little better about the situation. I've recognized that it's not my fault, but the people that cause and feed the drama.... I guess I am a little more mature than they are, and will have to broaden my circle of friends.

 

[Lube]

Well the core problem was not realizing that in some ways we are like lesbians and in some ways not.

Yes, we share the coming out stories, the closet stories, the rejection by society feelings, etc., etc. We also share the "we're all human" story.

But, fundamentally men and women have different sex drives. (Read any article about female-to-male transsexuals, and pay attention to how they felt after getting their first shot of testosterone!)

Trying to talk to a lesbian about sex is a fail for 2 reasons: 1, they're not interested in men ( ), and 2, while they certainly enjoy sex, they are usually not so sexually focused the way most men are.

Add to that the fact that it sounds like the second lesbian just wasn't comfortable with herself yet, and it's a perfect recipe for drama. It's sort of understandable (at least the beginnings of it), but it sounds like it really got out of control. (It's the rare guy who would say you talk too much about sex!)

What to do now?

I'd definitely pull back from them. I'd hope you could regain their friendship after a cooling off period, but don't push too hard or too fast.

What you really need, as you've figured out, is actual gay friends. JUB is a nice start, to be able to vent and chat about gay sex and men, Men, MEN!!!!

But you need local, real, live gay friends, too.

Not sure where you are. You could find a gay organization if you're in a large metropolitan area, or you could just find people who share your interests, and you're likely to find gay men there.

Good luck!