to early to get back out there?

[xxjason123x]

hey guys
before i dive in i just wanted to give you some background info for you to get a better understanding of where i'm coming from so i can get better feedback.

I was in a year long relationship with a guy and it was probably the farthest emotionally i've ever been with anyone. I'm 22 and my ex recently turned 21. Its been over 2 months since we broke up almost 3 and I am only going to say this on here, that i still miss him but I am up and able to live my days without drowning in sorrow like i did the first month. I think about him but it's not as much anymore and I don't dwell on the fact he might come back to me. I've accepted that it's over and i need to move on.

now moving on to my problem. I still haven't had a sex drive. It's kinda freaking me out because i used to jack off atleast twice a day ever since the day i learned how to masterbate. I have messed around with a couple guys since the breakup but I noticed that I'm just not as horny as i used to be. I go out to the bars/clubs and get numbers but I'm not interested in anyone around me-atleast when i'm sober. I just want to move on already and I want to live the single life but I feel like I just don't want to fuck who ever because I've had sex with plenty of guys and I've come to realize that I'd rather make love than sex. I know I'm being a sap but my question is, am I rushing to be in a relationship with another guy? and I already know I'm not going to meet the love of my life at a bar/club and I'm out but it's just hard to meet guys anywhere else because I'm not flamboyant and I know that if another gay guy were to see me they'd probably think I was at most, metro but not gay and it's kind of frustrating. Then i start to think that if my ex were to come back to me I'd take him back but I know it's not good for me to stay with such a child and I need to find somebody new and my train of thought just keeps going round in circles on what to do. I can't keep spending money everytime to go to the bars/clubs and I just want to spend quality time with another guy on a personal level not just a one night stand. where do i go from here?

They say good things come to people who wait, but I just don't have any patience. I want my ex out of my mind for good and I just want some attention. I think I'm just being needy but who isn't? someone please help me gain back my sanity because I am going nuts.

advice much appreciated!

 

[Southwest85]

It's never to early -- the sooner you begin looking, the sooner you'll find some other asshole that will enable to completely get over your ex.

As for your sex drive... for some guys mindless sex is great therapy in moving on but others, including myself, dwell on their ex and have a difficult time achieving satisfaction. As I got to know new people, I developed lust for them and eventually my sex drive returned.

 

[HunterM]

It takes time to find someone you can connect with emotionally. Keep your social life busy by meeting new people and making friends. Focus on making new friends...and not just a sex partner for now. Don't just meet people at bars/clubs. Switch it up. Join your local non-profit organizations.

When you find someone (with chemistry) that you can connect to emotionally, your sex drive will return.

 

[castoono]

You want to have sex with feelings, and you want it now? That's a hard deal. You are open to have relations and that's cool, but you don't want to give it all to a complete stranger, is that it? Perhaps if you follow one of those phone numbers you are given, they will lead you to the right thing. I tell you, you don't have to give the whole thing at once, if you don't want to. Maybe you'll have to take that other person wants to go even more slowly than you. You can always say NO, don't forget that. Know people and if you are not sure, shake hands and goodbye. And begin now. Today. Life is short.

 

[Seasoned]

Right now you are probably depressed (lower sex drive) and your mind is racing. Your post has frantic elements to it and I felt I had to speed read to keep up.

You seem to want committment above all else and even though your mind may be racing as a way to get over your relationship, your emotions are having none of it.

The grieving process is simply that, a process. You are not ready to start another relationship. I was going to advise you to just fool around for awhile, but once I read your post I realized you're not interested in that answer. So here is another one, use thus time to develop non-sexual interests. Clubs and online services are only accentuating what you list. Forget about guys for awhile. Explore other interests, creative writing, acting, stained glass, jewelry making, kite building, skating, book club, hot air balloning, sky-diving and/or volunteering.

You have some time that is now freed up. Put it to good use. You'll feel better and someday you may even be able to reverse your view of the breakup.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm glad you checked in here.

 

[xxjason123x]

i took all of you guys' advice. I went out and I'm meeting other people. not looking for relationship but just making new friends. I'm not going to try and get with anyone at the moment. I just need to enjoy being single at the moment. I'm young and I'm in the best shape i've ever been so I'm just going to have a good time.

Thanks everyone who replied to my post. It feels good to be able to express my feelings in a healthy way and getting support from people who don't even know me.

 

[HunterM]

Good to hear. Keep us updated occasionally on how you're doing.

 

[xxjason123x]

Well yesterday was fun. I went out last night and got wasted just having fun with friends and meeting new (straight) people. I'm in bed trying to recover from a hangover right now because I have work in a couple hours. It's just weird because I do get those times where I get lonely and i start to think about him. It's really frustrating because I don't know why I put myself through it because it is certainly not going to make anything better. I living in Seattle,WA and it rains ALOT! and it does not help my mood that everything is gray outside and i keep listening to sad songs about being heartbroken lol it's pathetic now that i am typing this and realizing how much I am torturing myself.

These feelings only come several hours in the day when I am alone. But when I am out with friends or family my attention is elsewhere in a much more happier state. I do keep myself busy but I just hate those dead times where I have nothing to do inbetween events.

 

[Paul19]

You know when ur quiet times are, so plan to do other things during that time...rent funny movies, listen to different music, read some new uplifting books. I find the best sex starts in my head, then to my dick...then other parts of my body. If ur head is still not right from your breakup, it will affect ur sex life...sounds like ur healing, so I think ur sex drive will return soon. Perhaps start by looking at things that turn u on...hot ass...cute face..things that might do it for u...good luck, Seattle rains, but spring is here, and the flowers are almost out...time for positive things to happen..good luck!!