Told my housemate I love him... bad move

[randomfreak]

First of all, I really wish I read this thread several days ago: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=357049

Long story short, I thought my housemate is at least bi and I really fell for him. He's only the second person to make me want to hug him tightly. I mean, I've found a lot of other guys attractive, but I really fell in love with his personality. I told him about my feelings and now he's distancing himself from me (what a surprise, right? ). The bad part is we still have a whole school year together and it's gonna be miserable if it stays like this.

Why do I think he's at least bi? Well, I highly suspect he's a closet gay. His facebook lists him as straight, but he's worn jorts and all his friends are girls (so he's either gay or a playboy). He's metrosexual as well, so I'm even more confused. I guess this is just my wishful thinking.

Well, I came out to him and kinda left it in the open for a bit, but then I told him that right now there's nothing I want more than being his boyfriend. At this point he smiled sheepishly (and he's so cute like that ). I also told him that I respect the "fact" that he's straight, so I'm happy enough with just caring for him as a housemate; there's nothing romantic going on. (A really big wish, deep down in my heart, is just to live with a guy I love under the same roof and provide and care for him. So I'm content with caring for him like that. Kinda.)

Well, I'm kinda heartbroken right now after being rejected, but meh. It's fine. Unfortunately he now looks very uncomfortable around me and is kinda avoiding me. The biggest mistake is coming onto a guy who's my housemate, since now we're stuck like this for the whole year, but I really would regret it if he would've said yes and we could've had a relationship for a year. I took the risk.

So now what do I do? What can I do to mend our relationship? Is there a way to make him feel comfortable around me again?

Thanks in advance for your help. =)

Edit: and just to clarify, when I say he's keeping his distance and avoiding me, I don't mean completely. It's noticeable (things like personal space), but he's still nice enough to hang out with me.

 

[anchihiro]

What are jorts?


Give him time, and also move on in your head.

 

[palbert]

What are jorts? ....

Jean shorts.

You are in a mess. Hope everything returns to normal. Otherwise you'll just have to soldier on.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

Why do I think he's at least bi? Well, I highly suspect he's a closet gay. His facebook lists him as straight, but he's worn jorts and all his friends are girls (so he's either gay or a playboy).

Jean Shorts: One of the top ten signs of gayness.

He's metrosexual as well, so I'm even more confused. I guess this is just my wishful thinking.

Yes. Yes it is.

 

[Telstra]

Well, just act normal and find other people.

Its uncomfortable but what can you do.

 

[Lefty]

^
Poster #2

Long before he became a fan favorite of Big Blue Nation, a senior with the most identifiable nickname—“Jorts,” for his fondness for wearing jean shorts—in college basketball outside of “The Jimmer,” Harrellson was just a Freshmen who wandered into the athletics office at St. Charles High shortly after school started.

1. JORTS | FacebookCompany Overview: JORTS, an American tradition since dignity died. We are the ... The spotting of a person wearing jorts is like spotting a rare and exotic bird.
   www.facebook.com/pages/JORTS/1048658…

Here you go Anchi..

probably TMI too.

 

[KaraBulut]

Um.

First of all, I really wish I read this thread several days ago: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=357049

We wish you had read that thread beforehand, too.

It's unclear what did more damage: "I think you act gay" or "I want to be your boyfriend"

So now what do I do? What can I do to mend our relationship? Is there a way to make him feel comfortable around me again?

That's something you would have to ask him.

It depends on how comfortable he is with gay people and how comfortable he is with himself.

Some guys just don't know what to say or do- whether it's because they don't want to hurt the other person or whether they are just uncomfortable discussing anything remotely homo.

Other guys think of it just like they would if you were a girl who had a crush.

It certainly adds a layer of complication that you are roommates and you can't give each other space to come to grips with the situation.

 

[Seasoned]

The issue in cases like yours in more times than not involves mostly closeted guys who are friends with a nice and often gentle guy. It's a normal phenomenon, but, as you've found out, one that should be kept to one's self and gotten over.

The thing to do now is to talk to him and tell him he's made himself clear and you have established a boundary you will absolutely not cross. Then, go and meet gay guys to get over your romantic feelings for this one. Good luck to you.

 

[racer2438]

How about a simple, Hey you know I'm sorry if I offended you the other day. I meant no harm and I hope you will accept my apology. Ask him to please not be so afraid, you respect his wishes and that you'd rather just have a good friend.


Other wise it's going to be a LONG school year.

 

[TNniceguy]

I'm with Seasoned. Sitting down to discuss things will probably help more than anything else. I think you both will walk away with something good from it.

 

[randomfreak]

Thanks for the replies, guys. I'll go have a talk with him when he's free, then...

Just now he didn't seem distant. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

 

[evanrick]

act yourself and maybe he will fall in love with you. lol

ive found bi guys like this often will not be open to their bi side unless they have something to benefit from it.

and if he is bi, forget about a long term thing, nothing but heartache that he will never understand.

 

[MascutarHero]

As much as even "gay/bi" guys won't admit themselves, they always go for the typical things a "gay/bi" guy is interested in. Why can't "straight" guys be interested in what gay guys like other than men? I think that's why a lot of straight guys are afraid to be themselves.
No I'm not blaming you for anything, just saying assumptions aren't always good, you already told him you're gay and he still didn't show any interest. If he were interested he'd probably share his sexuality to you. but thats just my input

Now that it has been done, I say apologize to him for making him feel uncomfortable and that you assumed wrong, if not just let the year go by, he'll eventually get over it maybe before the year ends, you just made him uncomfortable is all so let him get his thoughts "straight" heheh

 

[rareboy]

The horse is out of the barn now.

I think what you need to do is get out there and start hanging around with other guys.

If you are only hanging around with him it will get increasingly uncomfortable.

If he sees you moving on and socializing and dating others, he won't feel nearly as pressured.

Get on with it.

 

[DarkHelios]

Give it time.
Things are naturally going to be awkward at first, but things should return to normal once he's convinced you're not pursuing him any more (and the best way to convince him of that is to not pursue him any more).

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, siting him down for a portentius discussion is only going to exacerbate things.

It took you time to process yourself, he needs time to process. Let him have it. If he wants to discuss this with you he will.

Pushing him before he's ready isn't a good idea.

I also agree that if he sees you out dating other guys that will really help.

 

[MoltenRock III]

No self-respecting gay man would wear jorts! Where did this nonsense about jorts=gay come from? The only jorts wearers I've seen are on paunchy, old, white, suburbanites / rednecks. OP, we need to get you into a Gaydar 101 class!

 

[randomfreak]

Well, he locked his room as soon as he went home. That settles it. Guess he's not as nice as I thought he was.

The bad part is I got pretty down thanks to this. I don't enjoy the things I used to, and I'm going back to alcohol. I thought the chronic depression went away for a bit. Guess it came back again.

 

[MascutarHero]

he's just insecure, maybe you can be right, hat if he is in to guys and trying to fight it by avoiding you, either way seems like his actions are immature and you shouldn't be so down about it, feel bad for him instead

 

[rareboy]

Well, he locked his room as soon as he went home. That settles it. Guess he's not as nice as I thought he was.

The bad part is I got pretty down thanks to this. I don't enjoy the things I used to, and I'm going back to alcohol. I thought the chronic depression went away for a bit. Guess it came back again.

OK. Two things.

Snap the fuck out of it. Be an adult and realize that you made an error in judgement but it isn't as though you murdered his puppy for Christ's sake.

Almost everyone has likely expressed feelings for someone in their life that haven't been reciprocated....or even appreciated. The modern novel was almost entirely built on this convention. And if your rommie is over-reacting to all of this....it doesn't mean that you have to. Ignore him. You have more important things to focus on from what I read.

Secondly, while this may be a convenient trigger for return of depression and turning to alcohol....just re-read what you're writing here.

Let's get some perspective on this.

You need to contact a counsellor as quickly as possible to talk this through with another person face to face and to get some support for managing this depressive episode.

And if you have chronic depression, then you have a whole bunch of things to do.

See your doc and make sure you are on the right type and the right dosage of SRI's.

Get rid of the alcohol and the pot and anything else that will undermine your optimal state of mental health.

Get outside. Every day for at least 2-3 hours.

Get rid of everything in your diet that has HFCS, excessive amounts of refined sugars and msg in it. Seriously. This shit is poison for people prone to depression.

Get your days and nights straightened around if you are staying up half the night and then crashing during the day.

I think that the roommate problem is only a little bit of the picture. You need to work on the big picture first.

Good luck. Get going.